Stop #38: Melt

Tony's Review: Oh Melt, I wanted to love this slinger so bad, I really did. You work so hard with what you have and you manage to make a slinger waffle using only a waffle iron to cook the ingredients, which is incredible in itself (I assume the chili is cooked off site somewhere and brought in). However, in the world of slingers, while unique, this one sucked.

Melt is a cool place in way south city, I think the neighborhood is the Patch, that serves waffles every which way. They just introduced the slinger waffle and a friend of the blog, Matt Harnish, was quick to notify us. I had been here once before and thought the waffles were ok and the slinger waffle follows suit. Featuring a pretty average waffle covered in homemade chili that was easily the best thing on the plate, topped with onion, eggs and two eggs cooked on a waffle iron which gives them a weird ass texture that isn't very pleasant. Again, Melt doesn't have the full kitchen to cook a proper slinger and they did their best with what they have. I'd put them in the top 10 for being creative but they will come nowhere near the top 10 in the flavor arena mainly due to the ok waffle and the space eggs.

Tim's Review: Like Tony, I really, really wanted to like this place. I only heard about Melt a month or two ago from a friend and it sounded like it could really be special. Maybe even shake up the top ten. A slinger with a waffle underneath! That's sounds amazing!! Unfortunately, it just didn't live up to its expectations.

I think there's a reason people don't normally cooked eggs on a waffle iron: it just doesn't work. One egg was undercooked and too runny, the other was burnt with a completely solid yolk. The chili reminded me of the last time I ordered one of those coney island dogs at Sonics. For some reason I got a mad craving for a chili dog and at the time the only thing open was Sonics. What a disappointment! I haven't been back to Sonics since. Then there's the sorry waffle, the secret weapon in Melt's slinger that was going to make this thing a hit. Probably one of the thinnest waffles I've ever had. It could be that I'm a little spoiled after eating at the Olivette diner, which serves up the Cadillac of waffles. Maybe it's true what they say about waffles: Once you go Belgian, you never go back.

Enough about Melt. On a slightly related topic, I went to the Shack the other day. A new spot in Mid-town, right in the middle of the SLU campus. The Shack-wich may be one of my new favorite sandwiches in town. I only bring up the shack because not only was it absolutely delicious, but I also noticed they had chili, burgers, fries, eggs...... all the ingredients for a top notch slinger. If anybody knows anybody at the Shack, make it happen!

Stop #37: Soulard Coffee Garden

Tony's Review: We finally made it to one of my favorite breakfast spots—Soulard Coffee Garden.  Featuring off the wall breakfast items like: eggs, coffee, omelets and even breakfast potatoes!

This slinger is a true first class plate of trash. Let them load you up with top of the line steak chili, couple of sausage patties, eggies, breakfast potatoes and cheese—no onion because they know you have a date after you eat. I've had this one about 5 times and every time I think the same thing...this steak chili is great but there is way too much of it, it's always watery as hell and meat lovers beware theres too much damn steak in it. The potatoes are good but not the best, the sausage doesn't overwhelm which is nice for a change and the eggs and cheese blend nicely. Cover the whole thing with some premo Cholula and you're in business. But I keep going back to that chili which again is really good, probably great on its own, but in the big boy slinger it overwhelms. The slinger does work really well together even with some of my tuxedo concerns but I've earned my damn tuxedo at this point.

I do love this place and this might make it to the bottom top 10 if I remember to update the list that is. Don't be a chump and eat at this fucking place.

Tim's Review: Let me start off by saying that I really like the Soulard Coffee Garden. I like it a whole lot. I've had the huevos rancheros, some pancakes with blueberries or something mixed in, and I think I had the eggs benedict too. All excellent breakfast plates. I might even say that this is one of my favorite all around breakfast spots (behind Olivette diner). So what the hell is the problem with the slinger?

Steak chili sounds like a great idea, but for some reason this thing just doesn't impress. Maybe everything else on the menu is so great that I just set the expectation a little to high for this slinger. Soulard Coffee garden should easily be able to make the top ten. I forgot to mention I've also had the biscuit and gravy, which is the best biscuit and gravy dish by a mile. If this were instead a tour of the most badass biscuits and gravy in town, the Soulard Coffee Garden would jump right to the top of the list. I feel like eating a giant bowl of these biscuits and gravy right now and then going home and napping for 11 hours.

True Inspiration

Thanks co-worker and friend Christian Fricke for reminding me why I do this. 

Stop #36: Jack Patrick's

Tony's Review: What better way to end a Thanksgiving weekend full of eating like a king then with a slinger? Tim and I headed downtown for a Monday night date, we rented a limo, wore matching white tuxedos and rooted for our favorite Monday Night Football teams to win the game. We've been putting this one off and for a while mainly because they are open late and we expected it to suck...which it didn't.

This slinger is the perfect bar slinger, it doesn't fuck around and doesn't care what it's "supposed to be" and works with what it has in the kitchen. No hash browns, only homemade potato chips, descent bar burger topped with soft pub cheese, a Tony favorite, chili and another Tony favorite fried crispy onions. No egg on this one although it probably would of made this even better. I will say the foil in the paper tray did suck and I was in constant fear of getting foil on my fork and eating some tasty foil but I got lucky. Maybe they're working on an updated menu item, Fear Slinger, sounds pretty good.

Even though we were expecting Jack Patrick's to completely turf out they actually came through on a solid bar slinger, will it be in the top ten? Fuck no but if you're stuck at this place before a sports game you may as well have diarreha at that sports game.

Tim's Review: How do we end up at all these sports bars in search of slingers? I'm no expert in watching sports, but I thought you were supposed to munch on hot wings and nachos and shit like that.

Like Tony said, we've been trying to ignore this place for quite a while now. I know every place wants to have their own special style of slinger, but no egg? What the fuck. You can make your special potatoes, throw in different kinds of meat, and whip up some crazy chili with pinto beans or whatever, but the egg is the one thing you can't fuck with in the slinger. What the hell makes Jack Patrick's thinks they're to good for a simple fried egg? And then there's that goddamn foil. Sooooo annoying. Maybe Jack Patrick's can team up with Humphrey's and they can place a big order of plates and silverware together and they'll get a price break for buying in bulk.

So even though Jack Patrick's gave me plenty to complain about, it's true, the slinger really wasn't that bad. Maybe if the Blues ever play again and I feel like picking foil out of my teeth while burping up chili and onions, I know where to go. 

Stop #35: Billie's Fine Foods

Tony's Review: Now I don't know a ton about Soulard, nor do I spend a lot of time there but this place is a tiny and extremely hidden diner. Pretty straightforward in terms of diners and I wish we would of gone hear earlier in the tour when we trying to hit all of the diners at once but we blew it. Please stop yelling at us.

Billie's sticks to the classics with their giant slinger with zero thrills, potatoes, sausage, chili and eggs, we even had to add cheese and onion which actually turned out to be a mistake. They overloaded this thing with cheese that sucked and way too many onions, the picture doesn't do it justice with how much crap was on here.

Again, this review would of been more interesting if we had eaten it in the beginning of the tour but now it just falls flat. Billie's does seem like a legit place that is open late on the weekends (but you have to deal with Soulard bros) and the service was awesome here, like the great Steve Brule says, "Check it out, ya dingus."

Tim's Review: 
We haven't been to an old school diner like this in a while and with a name like Billie's Fine Food, it's not really what I was expecting. What's with these old bags at diner's always trying to act like they're the meanest, rudest, sassiest bitches around? That old lady, Rose, that worked at Tiffany's would stare you down like she was about to kill you. Then there was the other old lady at Tiffany's, that looked exactly like Rose, who thought she was tough shit. I'm not scared of these granny's for a second. They always give the best service. My point is, despite the intimidating sign on the wall, Billie's is a nice, super friendly place. Maybe this Mary bitch had the day off.

Their slinger was your standard plate of slop. I wish I would have kept my damn mouth shut about the cheese and onions, because they piled waaaaaaay to much of that shit on there. Then there was the toast buried under everything. Not sure exactly what the problem was because other slingers have done this before and it turned out fine. This toast was instantly soggy and had to be pushed to side.

Overall, Billie's seemed like decent place. I would just never, ever get the slinger again.