Stop #52: Dave's Diner

Tony's Review: Dave's Diner is out there in South County right by Ronnie's and it used to be an Eat-Rite. I think it changed over maybe 6 months ago but it doesn't really matter because it's still basically an Eat-Rite.

This slinger was classic diner to the max, descent chili, thin but just ok burger, slightly undercooked hash browns, standard eggs and of course the unmelted American cheese slices.

It was fine not great, honestly read the Eat-Rite review for a better version of this post and when we were much happier to eat slingers. I'm phoning this one in.

Tim's Review: Clearly nothing too exciting about Dave's Diner. I know it used to be an Eat Rite, but I still don't think it was as good. Actually, we probably ate the Eat Rite slinger close to a year ago, so in all honesty, I probably can't even remember well enough to make a fair comparison. Regardless, I'm going to say Dave's is not as good.

What's the problem with this slinger?....... I don't know really. My only real complaint is that the hash browns weren't crispy and slightly burnt. Remember those hash browns at The Buttery? I think that was way back in stop #2. Those are still some of my favorite hash browns. Even though Dave's is probably only about a 10 minute drive, it's still not worth the trip. I got plenty of other choice's for the standard diner slinger.

If you do find yourself crusing down lindbergh and you're looking for some cheap greasy food, I guess Dave's in not the worst spot. Just don't go to TJ's Diner because that place is kind of a shit hole.  

Stop #51: Sub-Zero Vodka Bar

Tony's Review: "Welcome to Club Paradise, aka Sub-Zero." That's how we were greeted at this place, a little cocky yes but they do have every vodka ever made here. If only that were true. None of that happened, what did happen is that we went to an overpriced fancy bar in the Central West End and ate a $14 slinger burger.

The atmosphere at Sub Zero is clearly for a demographic that aren't a bunch of sweat pant wearing slobs that have been on a year long tour to find the best slinger in St. Louis but sometimes you gotta take your lumps. We've had a slinger burger before and it was alright, luckily the burger here was a bit better. When it arrived it looked like there was a gallon of chili on it, pouring over the edges like the terrifying movie, "The Blob". I had to break one of my life rules of not eating a sandwich with a fork and knife but this burger demanded respect. The burger was really well cooked and had an overall solid taste, the egg was fried which is good for cleanliness but bad for yolk explosions and since I was already eating with a fork and knife like a sissy I would of loved that yolk party. Biggest bummer of the night was when I got psyched out by all of that chili pouring over the edges only to find that it barely existed on the middle of the burger. The chili was descent and it could of been great if there were only 32 more ounces of it.

Listen. If you're going to Sub Zero it's probably because you're trying to get fresh on some bimbo or because you're trying to impress which your friends with your worldly vodka knowledge, which they don't give a shit about. You shouldn't be ordering a $14 slinger burger, just go to Rally's and get the Big Buford, just don't go to the one on Grand & Chouteau, they suck.

Tim's Review: I'm sure I've probably mentioned this before, but I'm not really a fan of the Central West End and for reasons that have nothing to do with food. First, because I'm an old man and don't want to have to drive around for 20 minutes just to end up parking 6 blocks away from the restaurant. And second, because I'm a cheap skate and don't want to pay some jack ass to park my car when I'm perfectly capable of parking it myself. Regardless of how annoying I knew this trip was going to be, I have heard good things about the burgers at Sub Zero. If their burgers are good, the slinger burger must be great. Right?

Ehhhhhhh, it was just ok. The picture definitely makes it look a lot better that it was. The biggest bummer was by far the lack of chili. It needed at least twice as much as they put on there. But even if this burger was swimming in a bucket of chili, the burger was just not that awesome. I guess it did it's job as a burger, but I'm not going to think about it the next time I crave a big fat and juicy grilled burger.  I got dozens of other places I could waste $14.  A nice little bonus though was the side of sweet potato fries, which were great.

So despite the fact that I made the drive into this bullshit neighborhood, the slinger was not too bad. Was it worth fourteen big ones? Nope. Will I ever order it again? Most likely not. Actually now that I'm thinking about it, the only reason I have to go eat in the Central West End again is for the delicious, 7^th place, West End Pub & Grill.   

Stop #50: Allin's Diner

Tony's Review: The big 50th slinger, what a momentous occasion! The only thing that was good about this special anniversary is that the slinger didn't suck but we did have to drive out to St. Charles for it, which is never good. Allin's Diner is a great little place out by Lindenhood University and has about 60 different soups that you can buy in gallon quantities which is a lot of soup.

I can't speak for all of those soups but I can speak for their slinger which was just flat out great. This was one of the more appealing slingers I've had the joy of eating and didn't instantly depress me like some of the other ones. First let's talk about the star of the show, Chef Dave's Famous chili, I'm assuming that Chef Dave is the same motherfucker whose making 60 soups and he still finds time in his soup world to make some real world chili. My main man Dave is throwing in black and kidney beans, some sweet meat chunks and of course some over the top bold ass flavors, it was excellent and probably one of the most memorable chili on the tour. The hash browns were well cooked and crispy which again really mushy hash browns will always ruin a slinger. The burger was legit, not too big or thick and well seasoned which is all I ever want and the eggs were exactly what they needed to be and provided the yolk explosion that I demand.

Though Allin's Diner is a 30 minute drive from the Slinger HQ it proved to be well worth the drive and would recommend it to anyone who may be out that way. Beware they have diner hours so they close around 2pm pretty much everyday. This one is definitely going to make it in my Top 10 and it was great to have a traditional diner slinger this late in the game taste so good.

Tim's Review: 50 slingers!! I'm pretty sure that has to be some kind of a record and I'm going to go ahead and say that Tony and I are now officially slinger experts. Who else is foolish enough to eat this much crap every single week? There are times when I feel like this was the greatest idea ever, and then there are the times when I feel sad and depressed (thank you Steak n shake). Either way, 50 sounds like quite an accomplishment to me.

So I wasn't quite as impressed with Allin's as my partner Tony, but it wasn't anything horrible.  This was done in the classic style, which I always like.  Good crispy hash browns, a burger, and the eggs was pretty spot on.  All the parts were good, but nothing was soo amazing that I would drive to St. Charles for this again. The chili was definitely the highlight. Spicy, meaty, and just the right amount. 

I guess if you do get stuck in St. Charles for some reason this would be the spot to kill some time. I don't think I'd get the slinger again though. I saw some old lady chomping on a pretty good looking egg burrito and if I do make it back to Allins I think I'll have to give that a try.   

Stop #49: Steak 'n Shake

Tony's Review: Imagine our surprise when we heard that Steak n Shake introduced a new late night menu and they have a Steakburger Slinger! The big wigs at corporate must follow our super popular blog and realized that this was a huge opportunity to introduce the slinger to the nation. The new Up All Night menu features a good variety of gross food to jam into your gullet when you've had about 42 too many Little Kings, but beware the menu is only available from Midnight – 6am, which means you won't be the only drunk slob in the restaurant.

I like Steak n Shake a fair amount and think they have legit burgers that dip a toe in Lake Bold Flavors but doesn't get too crazy. But for a chain they definitely hold their own and senior citizens would agree with me. I was excited to try this one, the steakburger is quality, the chili is quality, surely this would be an in the park homerun in my mouth right? WRONG! FUCKING WRONG!

This slinger was probably the biggest disappointment on the tour for me and maybe I was a ding dong to think that a chain could nail such a "complex" dish but still man this was pure shit. Since it's a late night only menu option you're guaranteed terrible service so look forward to that. 45 minutes later when you get your food you pretty much want to fist punch the skillet and leave. Just look at it, it's one of the most depressing slingers I've ever seen. I don't even know what they did to the egg to get it like that, potentially deep fried it, but it was the worst egg I've ever had. The hash browns served as a great mushy base to the pile of shit that was on top of them and offered zero flavor to the slinger. The chili, which I thought was good, was a fucking insult to chili across the world. It formed a unique paste like texture with the terrible hash browns that reminded me of a thick tomato based vomit attack. Then there was the burger...oh Steak n Shake you sell "steakburgers" all day long, you put them on interesting burger combinations with bold ingredients, but when you put them on a garbage slinger you don't season them at all? FUCK YOU. Honestly, even if this was the best burger in the world it still couldn't of helped the rest of the slinger.

Thanks to Steak n Shake I will never get hyped to try a new slinger, so congratulations you assholes, I'll see you in the Hall of Shit.

Tim's Review: For some unknown reason, I made the same mistake as Tony in thinking that Steak N Shake was going to serve up a halfway decent slinger. I don't even think Steak N Shake is that great to begin with. Their burgers are just ok, but for a fast food chain I guess that's the best you could hope for. Why the hell was I the slightest bit excited for this mess? Maybe it's like when you see a commercial for Applebee's where they're introducing the new spicy teriyaki wings or the “Fresh burger” with Jack Daniel's bbq sauce, everyone has to admit: that shit looks good! But everyone also knows what it's really going to look like when they set it down in front of you.

To be fair, I'll have to talk about the one positive at Steak N Shake. The best part of this slinger: the pancake that came on the side. How pathetic it that Steak N Shake?! The best part of your slinger is the fact that I had something else to eat while I looked at your shit pile of a slinger in disgust. And for the record, the pancake wasn't that great either. It was a matter of me being hungry and picking the best of the worst and the slinger clearly lost. The worst part of this junk has got to be a 5 way tie between the chili, the burger, the eggs, the hash browns, and the skillet. Yep, it all sucked. The “skillet” sucked because it wasn't even real. It was a plastic plate in the shape of a skillet. Would a real skillet made this shit any better? Hell no! But just put it in a regular plate.

I don't know that I would have initially been so quick to throw this pile into the hall of shit, but when Steak N Shake served up the worst eggs on the tour, they were practically asking for it. Bottom line: Steak N Shake, you suck.

Stop #48: TJ's Diner

Tim's Review: Just off the infamous South Lindbergh strip lies the sorry excuse for a diner called TJ's. My oh my!! We haven't eaten a piece of shit like this in quite some time. I wouldn't really say this area of town is known for it's great eateries. If I had to choose between TJ's and the endless selection of chain restaurants nearby, TJ's wouldn't even be a consideration. I could probably find something better to choke down at Applebee's.

Where the hell did TJ's go so wrong? It's a little hard to say. Visually, I'd say that this is a mighty fine looking slinger. If I were sitting at the diner and saw this plate at the table next to me, I might be a little jealous. The plate looks good! But one bite in and I knew this was a disaster. For starters, at the base of this mess was a squishy pile of butter soaked hash browns, and that's not a good thing. The chili was tasteless crap, and the worst part, by far was the burger patty. Easily one of the worst burger patty's on the tour. After a few bites, I just started pushing everything aside trying to figure out if there was anything left on this plate that wasn't going to make me sick.

There is one plus side to my experience at TJ's, I now know how shitty it is and I will never ever have to go back and experience that again. If this thing was any bit more offensive, I'd throw this guy in the hall of shit. Guess I'm just feeling nice today.

 Tony's Review: Tim has an extreme take on this slinger but he's not wrong in the slightest. Now before we get too out of control I'm sure TJ's has great food like fries, chicken strips, toasted rav and other things that demand a deep fryer but as far as this slinger goes...it was a pile of shit.

Tim's right on all of the parts of this slinger. Buttery, greasy hash browns, a burger that was a step above rancid, instantly forgettable chili, unmelted slice of cheese but the eggs and onions weren't half bad so it did have that going for it. This slinger just flat out sucked.

It still bums me out when we eat sucky slingers like the one at TJ's and it probably always will. The only thing I can hope is that the hundreds of thousands of loyal readers we have will avoid all of these places that serve no love slingers. 

Stop #47: George's Diner

Tony's Review: If you ever find yourself in Overland, which I'm not sure why you'd be there, check out the oldest diner in the U.S.A* George's Diner. This place reminded me a lot of Eat Rite which is not bad and luckily their slinger was on par with Eat Rites as well.

This was classic slinger 101 with all of the basics covered. A raw meat pile aggressively smashed into a burger shape was a great way to start the dining experience. Crispy, thin ass hashbrowns form the base with just the right amount of grease. Perfectly cooked, yolk explosion eggs, and straight up chili with no bullshit that just tastes good. The burger I mentioned before was good and fresh but it did lack a bit in the seasoning department.

Even though George's Diner is in Overland and it looks like a building that's on its last leg it serves one of the better classic diner slingers we've had on this long as shit tour. Bring some cash cause it's cash only and don't lock eyes with the local men there because they will call you a bad word and probably whooop your ass.

*George's Diner is not the oldest diner in the U.S.A.

Tim's Review: This was definitely the standard diner experience that anyone would imagine from a place with a name like George's Diner.  The best part was the bar full of regulars that were actually a little intimidating at first. I'm pretty sure Tony and I were the only two dudes in there that the cook didn't know by name. I think we were also the only two dudes under 50. But the only thing that really matters is that the food was good and the service was friendly.

Not really a whole lot to say about this plate. It the standard definition of a diner slinger. Everything was good, but nothing really amazing. If I lived in Overland, I bet I'd probably be making some regular visits to this place. George's Diner definitely serves up a solid plate and I'd say it was about on par with Spencer's from a couple weeks ago. Both great diner's and both just missing out on the top ten.   

Stop #46: Hamburger Mary's

Tony's Review: Oh Hamburger Mary's you are delightful in so many ways and then you go ahead and bum me out. I have been to Hamburger Mary's for a burger a couple of times and I would recommend it—a solid, big, messy ass burger is a strong point for them but the slinger is a big turf out. I didn't even know they served brunch until a trivia friend told me about it and I was pretty excited about it until I started shoveling a pile of shit in my mouth.

Maybe I'm being harsh calling it a pile of shit...I'll just call it a pile. The brunch is supposed to be a drag queen gospel brunch but when we were there they were getting ready for, I think, Ms. Gay St. Louis but I could be mistaken. The drag queen brunch definitely would of been a bonus and distracted me from eating this bummer pile. The plate was loaded with breakfast potatoes, I've never seen so many breakfast potatoes on a plate in my life, and the bummer was that they were absent on the first day of flavor school so you were just loading up on flavorless cubes. The chili was homemade but it would of been better off it was from a can which is one of the rudest things I've ever said. And on top was some cheese, onions and two eggs that actually were cooked over easy with a yolk explosion so good job there. While there was a tiny bit of meat in the chili this slinger was missing a meat center piece. A huge missed opportunity here, you serve good burgers, put one of them on here and have a good slinger. I would gladly pay the extra cost to have a legit slinger and not a piece of shit pile.

Also they have the slowest and some of the weirdest/worst tasting coffee I've ever seen in my life. There was a single 12-cup pot at the bar which I think took 20 minutes to brew a pot. I'm no restauranteur nor do I own a 12-cup coffee maker but I think if I served brunch in my burger place I would invest $25 and get at least another brewer. Sorry for the coffee rage slinger fans but a bad slinger with worse coffee makes Tony a dull boy.

While Hamburger Mary's does serve a quality burger they serve a piece of shit pile of a slinger. Our friend Denny was there and got something called a Truck Stop and he liked it but he's selfish and didn't share any of it so I'll have take his word for it. So take a risk and go there for brunch the next time your parents are in town so they can have a great time at the drag queen gospel brunch

Tim's Review: Maybe Tony and I are just unlucky and happened to pick the worst possible day to go, because the Sunday we were there seemed to be a big exception to everything that normally happens. The drag queen brunch they have every Sunday, was not that Sunday. They also have some kind of all you can drink special every Sunday that sounded kind of awesome, but not on that Sunday. MAYBE, the slingers there normally have one of those big fat juicy burgers that they are named for, but just not on that Sunday. I just can't except the fact that HAMBURGER Mary's slinger does not have a HAMBURGER in it. I'm done talking about Hamburger Mary's.

On a brighter note, I am once again going to mention how awesome the Olivette Diner is. I made my third trip back there this past weekend and I'm officially making this my favorite diner in town. You might ask, “WTF dude?! if the Olivette Diner is so fucking awesome, why is their slinger not in your top10? I know, I know, it seems a little unfair to me too, but a top 10 slinger has insanely high standards now. The Olivette Diner had its brief moment in the top 10 and it is a great slinger, but there are many other prize pieces on their menu. For this past trip I went with the breakfast burrito and guess what? One of the best damn breakfast burritos I have ever had. I'm already trying to decide what I'm having the next time I go there.