Stop #49: Steak 'n Shake

Tony's Review: Imagine our surprise when we heard that Steak n Shake introduced a new late night menu and they have a Steakburger Slinger! The big wigs at corporate must follow our super popular blog and realized that this was a huge opportunity to introduce the slinger to the nation. The new Up All Night menu features a good variety of gross food to jam into your gullet when you've had about 42 too many Little Kings, but beware the menu is only available from Midnight – 6am, which means you won't be the only drunk slob in the restaurant.

I like Steak n Shake a fair amount and think they have legit burgers that dip a toe in Lake Bold Flavors but doesn't get too crazy. But for a chain they definitely hold their own and senior citizens would agree with me. I was excited to try this one, the steakburger is quality, the chili is quality, surely this would be an in the park homerun in my mouth right? WRONG! FUCKING WRONG!

This slinger was probably the biggest disappointment on the tour for me and maybe I was a ding dong to think that a chain could nail such a "complex" dish but still man this was pure shit. Since it's a late night only menu option you're guaranteed terrible service so look forward to that. 45 minutes later when you get your food you pretty much want to fist punch the skillet and leave. Just look at it, it's one of the most depressing slingers I've ever seen. I don't even know what they did to the egg to get it like that, potentially deep fried it, but it was the worst egg I've ever had. The hash browns served as a great mushy base to the pile of shit that was on top of them and offered zero flavor to the slinger. The chili, which I thought was good, was a fucking insult to chili across the world. It formed a unique paste like texture with the terrible hash browns that reminded me of a thick tomato based vomit attack. Then there was the burger...oh Steak n Shake you sell "steakburgers" all day long, you put them on interesting burger combinations with bold ingredients, but when you put them on a garbage slinger you don't season them at all? FUCK YOU. Honestly, even if this was the best burger in the world it still couldn't of helped the rest of the slinger.

Thanks to Steak n Shake I will never get hyped to try a new slinger, so congratulations you assholes, I'll see you in the Hall of Shit.

Tim's Review: For some unknown reason, I made the same mistake as Tony in thinking that Steak N Shake was going to serve up a halfway decent slinger. I don't even think Steak N Shake is that great to begin with. Their burgers are just ok, but for a fast food chain I guess that's the best you could hope for. Why the hell was I the slightest bit excited for this mess? Maybe it's like when you see a commercial for Applebee's where they're introducing the new spicy teriyaki wings or the “Fresh burger” with Jack Daniel's bbq sauce, everyone has to admit: that shit looks good! But everyone also knows what it's really going to look like when they set it down in front of you.

To be fair, I'll have to talk about the one positive at Steak N Shake. The best part of this slinger: the pancake that came on the side. How pathetic it that Steak N Shake?! The best part of your slinger is the fact that I had something else to eat while I looked at your shit pile of a slinger in disgust. And for the record, the pancake wasn't that great either. It was a matter of me being hungry and picking the best of the worst and the slinger clearly lost. The worst part of this junk has got to be a 5 way tie between the chili, the burger, the eggs, the hash browns, and the skillet. Yep, it all sucked. The “skillet” sucked because it wasn't even real. It was a plastic plate in the shape of a skillet. Would a real skillet made this shit any better? Hell no! But just put it in a regular plate.

I don't know that I would have initially been so quick to throw this pile into the hall of shit, but when Steak N Shake served up the worst eggs on the tour, they were practically asking for it. Bottom line: Steak N Shake, you suck.

Stop #48: TJ's Diner

Tim's Review: Just off the infamous South Lindbergh strip lies the sorry excuse for a diner called TJ's. My oh my!! We haven't eaten a piece of shit like this in quite some time. I wouldn't really say this area of town is known for it's great eateries. If I had to choose between TJ's and the endless selection of chain restaurants nearby, TJ's wouldn't even be a consideration. I could probably find something better to choke down at Applebee's.

Where the hell did TJ's go so wrong? It's a little hard to say. Visually, I'd say that this is a mighty fine looking slinger. If I were sitting at the diner and saw this plate at the table next to me, I might be a little jealous. The plate looks good! But one bite in and I knew this was a disaster. For starters, at the base of this mess was a squishy pile of butter soaked hash browns, and that's not a good thing. The chili was tasteless crap, and the worst part, by far was the burger patty. Easily one of the worst burger patty's on the tour. After a few bites, I just started pushing everything aside trying to figure out if there was anything left on this plate that wasn't going to make me sick.

There is one plus side to my experience at TJ's, I now know how shitty it is and I will never ever have to go back and experience that again. If this thing was any bit more offensive, I'd throw this guy in the hall of shit. Guess I'm just feeling nice today.

 Tony's Review: Tim has an extreme take on this slinger but he's not wrong in the slightest. Now before we get too out of control I'm sure TJ's has great food like fries, chicken strips, toasted rav and other things that demand a deep fryer but as far as this slinger goes...it was a pile of shit.

Tim's right on all of the parts of this slinger. Buttery, greasy hash browns, a burger that was a step above rancid, instantly forgettable chili, unmelted slice of cheese but the eggs and onions weren't half bad so it did have that going for it. This slinger just flat out sucked.

It still bums me out when we eat sucky slingers like the one at TJ's and it probably always will. The only thing I can hope is that the hundreds of thousands of loyal readers we have will avoid all of these places that serve no love slingers. 

Stop #47: George's Diner

Tony's Review: If you ever find yourself in Overland, which I'm not sure why you'd be there, check out the oldest diner in the U.S.A* George's Diner. This place reminded me a lot of Eat Rite which is not bad and luckily their slinger was on par with Eat Rites as well.

This was classic slinger 101 with all of the basics covered. A raw meat pile aggressively smashed into a burger shape was a great way to start the dining experience. Crispy, thin ass hashbrowns form the base with just the right amount of grease. Perfectly cooked, yolk explosion eggs, and straight up chili with no bullshit that just tastes good. The burger I mentioned before was good and fresh but it did lack a bit in the seasoning department.

Even though George's Diner is in Overland and it looks like a building that's on its last leg it serves one of the better classic diner slingers we've had on this long as shit tour. Bring some cash cause it's cash only and don't lock eyes with the local men there because they will call you a bad word and probably whooop your ass.

*George's Diner is not the oldest diner in the U.S.A.

Tim's Review: This was definitely the standard diner experience that anyone would imagine from a place with a name like George's Diner.  The best part was the bar full of regulars that were actually a little intimidating at first. I'm pretty sure Tony and I were the only two dudes in there that the cook didn't know by name. I think we were also the only two dudes under 50. But the only thing that really matters is that the food was good and the service was friendly.

Not really a whole lot to say about this plate. It the standard definition of a diner slinger. Everything was good, but nothing really amazing. If I lived in Overland, I bet I'd probably be making some regular visits to this place. George's Diner definitely serves up a solid plate and I'd say it was about on par with Spencer's from a couple weeks ago. Both great diner's and both just missing out on the top ten.   

Stop #46: Hamburger Mary's

Tony's Review: Oh Hamburger Mary's you are delightful in so many ways and then you go ahead and bum me out. I have been to Hamburger Mary's for a burger a couple of times and I would recommend it—a solid, big, messy ass burger is a strong point for them but the slinger is a big turf out. I didn't even know they served brunch until a trivia friend told me about it and I was pretty excited about it until I started shoveling a pile of shit in my mouth.

Maybe I'm being harsh calling it a pile of shit...I'll just call it a pile. The brunch is supposed to be a drag queen gospel brunch but when we were there they were getting ready for, I think, Ms. Gay St. Louis but I could be mistaken. The drag queen brunch definitely would of been a bonus and distracted me from eating this bummer pile. The plate was loaded with breakfast potatoes, I've never seen so many breakfast potatoes on a plate in my life, and the bummer was that they were absent on the first day of flavor school so you were just loading up on flavorless cubes. The chili was homemade but it would of been better off it was from a can which is one of the rudest things I've ever said. And on top was some cheese, onions and two eggs that actually were cooked over easy with a yolk explosion so good job there. While there was a tiny bit of meat in the chili this slinger was missing a meat center piece. A huge missed opportunity here, you serve good burgers, put one of them on here and have a good slinger. I would gladly pay the extra cost to have a legit slinger and not a piece of shit pile.

Also they have the slowest and some of the weirdest/worst tasting coffee I've ever seen in my life. There was a single 12-cup pot at the bar which I think took 20 minutes to brew a pot. I'm no restauranteur nor do I own a 12-cup coffee maker but I think if I served brunch in my burger place I would invest $25 and get at least another brewer. Sorry for the coffee rage slinger fans but a bad slinger with worse coffee makes Tony a dull boy.

While Hamburger Mary's does serve a quality burger they serve a piece of shit pile of a slinger. Our friend Denny was there and got something called a Truck Stop and he liked it but he's selfish and didn't share any of it so I'll have take his word for it. So take a risk and go there for brunch the next time your parents are in town so they can have a great time at the drag queen gospel brunch

Tim's Review: Maybe Tony and I are just unlucky and happened to pick the worst possible day to go, because the Sunday we were there seemed to be a big exception to everything that normally happens. The drag queen brunch they have every Sunday, was not that Sunday. They also have some kind of all you can drink special every Sunday that sounded kind of awesome, but not on that Sunday. MAYBE, the slingers there normally have one of those big fat juicy burgers that they are named for, but just not on that Sunday. I just can't except the fact that HAMBURGER Mary's slinger does not have a HAMBURGER in it. I'm done talking about Hamburger Mary's.

On a brighter note, I am once again going to mention how awesome the Olivette Diner is. I made my third trip back there this past weekend and I'm officially making this my favorite diner in town. You might ask, “WTF dude?! if the Olivette Diner is so fucking awesome, why is their slinger not in your top10? I know, I know, it seems a little unfair to me too, but a top 10 slinger has insanely high standards now. The Olivette Diner had its brief moment in the top 10 and it is a great slinger, but there are many other prize pieces on their menu. For this past trip I went with the breakfast burrito and guess what? One of the best damn breakfast burritos I have ever had. I'm already trying to decide what I'm having the next time I go there.   

Stop #45: Spencer's Grill

Tony's Review: Nothing better than going to a diner you've never been to, grabbing a seat at the counter and eating a premium slinger. Spencer's Grill in downtown Kirkwood is doing things right. It was really busy which is good and they were cranking out food and Mickey Mouse pancakes like it wasn't a big deal.

The slinger did the job and my dreams alive that there are still great classic diner slingers out there that I haven't had yet. Starting out with perfectly cooked shredded hash browns and really great, meaty and traditional chili which they weren't stingy with at all which was a nice change of pace for us. Then two well cooked over easies onion and side of bacon and you've got yourself a righteous meal.

Even though this was a super solid slinger it won't be making my top ten. If we ate this earlier in the tour it would definitely be up there but this late in the game it feel just a little flat. Guess I'm just becoming a demanding little baby who needs world class flavors in every slinger.


Tim's Review: I've probably driven by this place a hundred times and thought “man, that's a good looking diner. I should check this place out sometime”. Well the time has finally come and now I feel like a jackass because this place was pretty fucking good. Just think of all the great breakfast plates I've been missing out on. You think I'm too old to order Micky Mouse pancakes?? .....No way.

While slinger at Spencer's definitely showed my belly a good time, it wasn't exactly a life changing experience. Just great representation of the classic diner slinger. No bells, no whistles, no stupid gimmicks like a waffle or tator tots to try to be original or weird. Just eggs, hashbrowns, chili, and bacon, topped of with the perfect amount of cheese and onion. I really appreciate Spencers' straight forward approach.

I'm pretty sure the last diner to make it into the top ten was clayton diner way back in June of last year. Spencer's was oh so close, but at this point in the game competition is getting kind of serious. Spencer's just missed out on top ten status, but it's definitly on my list of places that I'll make a second trip to.

Stop #44: Novak's

Tim's Review: There are few things in life that I love more than a big fat sloppy sandwich (especially one with egg on it), but one thing that really drives me nuts is when you can't eat a sandwich like it's a sandwich. I just want to pick this thing up with two hands and chow down, but I can't. All the shit just falls off leaving your sandwich in pieces. Alright, not the end of the world, I'll just have to fork and knife this thing into little sandwich bites. Kind of annoying, but I've done it before. Then what REALLY sucks is when you have to cut up your sandwich with plastic!! Ahhh!!!! Come on! First of all, I'm no hippy or anything, but what a waste. Plus, not only is it plastic, but it's really crappy, flimsy plastic that is barely strong enough to cut this sandwich up.

Enough of me bitching about the plastic, how was the “swinger” sandwich? Ehhhh. It was just ok. It was really your standard sausage, egg, and cheese breakfast with a spoonful of chili on top. That's a spoonful at most. I could barely taste any chili when I was eating this thing. The sausage patties were the crappy little hockey pucks that I could have done without. A skinny little burger patty or bacon (or both!) would have made the swinger 100 times better.

I guess the lesson I learned is that Novak's serves bar food. Nothing more, nothing less. Yeah I know, it's a bar, I should have seen it coming. It's not something I would make a special trip for, but it could be good for soaking up a long night of beers.


Tony's Review: Congratulations Novak's on being the only place that could have a Slinger Sandwich on their menu but then cross out the word "Slinger" and then add the word "Swinger"...I still don't get it but I'm guessing other people do. That's one sexy sandwich.

Tim's totally on point with this one, nothing wrong with a slinger sandwich but use some bread that isn't gonna coat your hands with grease and force two grown men to use shitty plastic sporks to eat their tray of shit. There wasn't anything that really stood out for me on this one, barely any chili on it, the bread tasted ok but two thick slices was overkill, high five on the crinkle cut fries which is always a good move. This one just fell pretty flat and would be one to skip when all you loyal readers do your own slinger tour.

Keep up the good work guys. 

Stop #43: West End Grill & Pub

Tony's Review: Sometimes you find yourself in the Central West End and it doesn't totally suck...this was one of those times. West End Grill & Pub is a relatively fancy place without over doing it, probably a good place where educated adults hang out, not scumbags. But no matter who hangs there the slinger they're serving on the weekend is all business.

Welcome to the world of the Slinger Slider, yes another first the tour and a very tasty one at that. Building it from the bottom up we start with a biscuit, sausage, egg over easy, gravy and cheese with a side of breakfast potatoes. For starters that biscuit was on point, they have heard our cries about dry flavorless biscuits and have answered with a biscuit that gives a shit. Then we move on to the sausage which was easily some of the best we've had on the tour, a thick patty which had an excellent overall taste and didn't overpower anything. The egg was on top with a great yolk explosion which I always love but the real star of the show for me was the gravy. Tell your mother's old fashioned sausage gravy to move over because the new belle of the ball is CHORIZO GRAVY! This shit was legit, while it looks like blood vomit it tasted like a spicy treat full of flavors south of the border. The side of potatoes were really good too and I'm not quite sure what was in there exactly but they were perfectly cooked and were a nice change from the normal breakfast potato.

West End Grill & Pub is too fancy to have a shit slinger but I didn't expect it to be that good. This one will find it's way into my top ten for sure and I would recommend that you take your dad there for father's day.

Tim's Review: Aside from that little oops at O'shay's with their mashed (“Boxty”) potatoes, we almost had a solid 4 weeks in a row of good eating. It was smooth sailing on the slinger tour and then out of nowhere comes the West End Pub.

I love slingers, I love sliders, and I love chorizo. Although it was my first time there, it almost feels like the West End Pub has known me for years. How come no one thought of this before? We did have that little slinger burger at Range, but that thing was crap compared to the West End Pub (sorry Range). Speaking of sliders, on a recent weekend getaway I had the pleasure of a late night run to a Krystal. Even better than I remember! Try not to be jealous. Anyways back to this amazing slinger. West End Pub picked all the perfect ingredients to put in this winner. If someone were ever to ask me “hey dude, you want me to throw some corn in those breakfast potatoes”, I'd probably say “uhhhh. Hmmm. No. I'm not the biggest fan of corn, and that just doesn't really sound that tasty anyway.” But clearly, the West End Pub knows way more about breakfast potatoes that I do because this shit was great. Same with the rest of this plate. This is one of the very few spots that can serve up a gravy style slinger and make me a happy eater.

Last thing I need to mention, for some reason I felt the need to get an appetizer of a cinnamon roll. I obviously like this place a lot and want you to check it out, but I will warn you to not waste your time on the cinnamon roll.   Bottom line: Cinnamon roll sucks.  Slinger, 7th best in town.