Stop #59: Dressel's Public House

Well, well, well. I thought we were done with this nonsense, but here we are, back in the saddle. Apparently there's a few slingers we missed, so in our effort to make this the most complete slinger blog on the internet, we're going back on the road for some more punishement. Plus, I don't want people to think we're little bitches because we only ate 58 slingers. We're going to eat them ALL. 

Tim's Review: So we kicked off the unexpected second leg of this tour at Dressel's in the Central West End. This is my first trip to Dressel's, so I don't really know what to expect. Luckily, Dressel's didn't fully disappoint. When the skillet first came out, this shit was looking good. The smell of the chili and the sight of that sloppy brown mess really brought back some beautiful memories, but unfortunately the feeling didn't last. I don't really know what it was, the greasy chili? the sausage? This thing just sort of fell flat. The part that saved this thing was the potatoes, definitely top notch, and by far the best part of this plate. They call them “American fried”, I don't think I've heard that before, but I like it. Also, I think this was a the first slinger with sour cream, so I guess that's cool. I'm not really the biggest fan of sour cream, but I'll go with it.

This slinger didn't really come close to causing any disruptions in the original top 10, but it didn't put me in a bad mood either, so I guess that's kind of a good thing.

On a little side note, I decided to check back with one of the old classic diner hangouts this past weekend so me and a buddy took a late night trip to the Buttery for a recreation slinger. What the fuck happened Buttery?!? My eggs weren't cooked all the way leaving the white part was all runny.  Nobody likes that! Just because I'm getting buzzed into the front door of the Buttery at 1 a.m. doesn't mean I'm too drunk to notice under cooked eggs. Maybe this past year and half has just turned me into a slinger snob........ OR MAYBE someone just forgot how to cook eggs!! Get your shit together Buttery.  

Tony's Review: Man getting back into this whole "writing slinger reviews" is a bummer. I hung up my keyboard, my stretchy pants and was on an exclusive burger diet—but duty calls and a tour of garbage isn't complete until you eat all of the garbage.

Like Tim this was also my first time at Dressel's and was equally surprised by the cast iron skillet that was plopped in front of us. Just check out that picture. You can practically taste all of those bold flavors placed in front of you. Those first few bites were top notch, weird but excellent potatoes, powerful chili and all of exotic toppings. But like a hardcore band from the mid-2000s said "nothing gold can stay". It got to the point about half way through where all of those extreme flavors became too much and the chili especially was simply TOO MUCH FLAVOR (said in an @slingernick voice). Like Tim said it all just kind of went flat, like my tastebuds weren't mature enough for farm fresh eggs and other locally sourced ingredients. Regardless of how the slinger ended this was a great slinger and would recommend it to all of you jabronis.


I was still very impressed with Dressel's and decided to go back a couple of weeks later because they had something that caught my eye when I was there for the slinger...Cheddar Biscuits and Chorizo Gravy! Too bad for you this isn't a biscuits and gravy blog so I won't tell you how good it was but SPOILER ALERT it was through the roof awesome! 

The Slinger Oscars

What a beautiful red carpet affair! Tim and I put on our finest tuxedos, rented the biggest hummer limo we could get and rolled up to Chili Mac's Diner in maximum style. Once we took the official slinger trophy out of our bulletproof briefcase we presented it to the owner of Chili Mac's, Kris, where she stood in awe for about 3 minutes before she began to weep uncontrollably.

Too bad none of that happened. What did happen is we rolled up in a fairly clean and very reliable, 2007 Toyota Corolla and presented Chili Mac's with what may be considered the world's cheapest trophy. None the less they were impressed and did seem to genuinely enjoy and I think it will be at least one week before they throw the trophy in the trash.

Tim and I did enjoy a celebratory slinger with our main man Josh (yes the Josh from the Josh's House post) and to show Chili Mac's the respect it deserves I ate the whole thing and probably won't be eating dinner tonight. Move over Dad's Scotch Oatmeal Cookies, you've got some competition for counter space!

The Best in Da Biz

Here we go, the moment you've not been waiting for...THE TOP FIVE BEST SLINGERS IN ST. LOUIS!

Tony: Not a whole lot needs to be said about the slinger at Eat-Rite, it's the most traditional one in the top ten and is 100% no nonsense. Great place to bring slinger virgins to pop their chili cherry.

Tony: A biscuit and gravy slinger in the top five!?!?! I know, I know but when you have this one you won't give a shit about what a slinger SHOULD be it's what it CAN be (I think that's the most poetic thing I've said on this blog).

Tony: One of St. Louis' best places and recent stars of hipster culture in St. Louis, they should of done a story on how the bold ass flavors of this slinger satifies the cities hunger. And yeah that's ham in the photo.

Tim: This may be the second best tasting, but it is by far the fanciest place to eat a slinger. Tony: This wine bar on Washington Ave. delivers all of the flavors your dreams are made of.

Note: We've been calling this place Big Ed's Chili Mac Diner, looks like they're putting less focus on the Big Ed's part. Sad day.

Tim: After hunting down for every single steaming pile of garbage in and around St. Louis, this is it! This is the classic slinger that everyone must try. The perfect mix of the best ingredients and cheeseburger patties take this thing to the top. Tony: I loved this place before we even started the tour and to see it rise to #1 makes me feel like a proud father after my dumb ass kid won some meaningless award. Chili Mac's may have downtown hours but it's worth taking the day off work to eat the best slinger in the city and then spending the rest of the day in the bathroom.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter where you eat your slinger, if you're drunk and jamming it down your gullet at 2am, it will be the best slinger you've ever had.

Stay tuned for the trophy presentation photos coming in a week or so. Yes we got a trophy. 

The Second Best...of the Best

The verdict is in and the slingers have been partially eaten for your enjoyment. Without further ado, say hello to St. Louis' 10th - 6th best slingers.

Tim: I originally had this guy a little higher on the list, but it just didn't hold up.  Classic slinger with the bonus of jalapeño's! Tony: This one flat out bummed me out.

Tim: All of the features of a big sloppy slinger in a tasty little package. You don't even need a fork! Considering almost every other place is daytime only, this is one my new favorite late night slingers. Tony: I was reluctant to put this in the top ten but then we ate this again and it was as good and fresh as the first time we had it. Bonus points for it's tiny package and extra points for being a great bar. 

Tony: I'll give it to this place they do it right in Olivette, this slinger is legit and they keep it simple with pure Olivette class.

Tony: Oh how the mighty have fallen. I think Sidebar was both of our number ones for a long time and here we end up in the #7 spot. We ate this one early on in the tour and it was one of the first non-diner slingers we had so it's understandable how it felt untouchable for so long but on the second visit it tuns out that its just a quality slinger with good ingredients but no real individual stand outs.

Tony: If there's one good thing I can say about St. Charles it's Allin's Diner...I think that's all the good things in St. Charles. I would probably say this was the best chili we had on the tour, Chef David working his magic with his world class homemade soups. This one definitely held up and I would recommend it to anyone in the area. Also one of the best looking slingers out there.

Stay tuned for the moment you've all been waiting for...the top slingers in THE WORLD (brought to you by Arby's®)!!!

The End is Here: Meet the Runner Ups

So our journey has finally come to an end. After almost 16 months and basically 64 weeks of weekly slingers (we were eating more than one a week towards the end) we have done it. We've gained weight, lost our girlish figures and have spent roughly $800 on pure human garbage troughs. We took our individual top tens and decided to re-eat them to come up with an ultimate top ten, you know separate the boys from the men—U.S.A style.

Benton Park Cafe: Tony: I really like Benton Park Cafe, especially their beer biscuits, but if there's one thing I've learned from eating here numerous times it's that their shit is inconsistent. Sometimes they're soft and tasty but most of the time they're hard and shitty thus resulting in a less than excellent slinger.

O'Shays: Tony: I don't think I've ever seen Tim so upset. Dude HATES mashed potatoes but I love them, I would say there isn't another slinger like this in the city and for that I give them points but we just couldn't come to an agreement on this one, while I really enjoyed the dinner qualities of this one at the end of the day it just wasn't top ten worthy.

Joe's Chili Bowl: Tim: Ohhhhh so close! Joe's Chili Bowl is just missing greatness coming in as the 11th best slinger in town. What's their secret? Well of course Joe's Chili Bowl has some great chili.  Then there's the fact that it's smothering a mountain of kick ass fries. For some reason reason it seems that this place is always empty, but don't let fool you, shit's good as hell. Whenever it's not 400 degrees out, you should definitely come give this place a try.

A Pretty Cool Conversation

This is a series of text messages exchanged between myself and #1 fan, Dave Todd, who had joined us in re-eating the Eat-Rite Diner slinger. Dave doesn't eat many slingers so he doesn't have the "experience" Tim and I have.

Stop #58: Alumni

Tony's Review: Well here I was thinking we were done eating all the new slingers St. Louis has to offer and then my buddy Drew mentions this place...I was less than pumped. Then I find out it's a fancier place which I'm not really into and then he tells me they're slinger fries!? Never had those but I'm sure a classy chef can charge me too much for them.

We get to the place and it is fancy, at least for what we've seen on this never ending tour, but then we find out it's not even on the menu anymore cause only one loyal dude was ordering them. A wave of relief washed over me but then this over achieving bartender said she would ask the chef if he would make it for us—she could tell by our vibes that we were VIP. Sure enough that chef said he could make it for us and gave us the heads up that if you ask for it they can always make it, not sure how that is.

So when the classy slinger fries arrive I'm a little surprised at how good they look. The first thing you notice was how perfectly the eggs were cooked, I don't think I've been so excited to eat an egg and they fucking delivered. Now there wasn't a full blown burger patty on the plate cause this is an appetizer, SO SOME CLASS! But to make up for lack of meat the chili was full of bold flavors and chunks of what I can only assume was ground beef from an hormone free, locally raised cow. And the fries themselves were really good which sealed the deal for me—slinger fries are really
good, but they're not top ten good.
Tim's Review: I think I was slightly bummed when I found out there was a new slinger too. But it really had nothing to do with the fact that I had to eat another one. It was the fact that I felt obligated to write this stupid post. I've learned 2 things over the past year: #1 after 58 stops, I STILL enjoy a fresh breakfast plate covered in steaming chili. I bet that even once this ridiculous tour is over, I will order the occasional slinger. Certainly not on a weekly basis, but I'm sure the craving will come. And #2: I HATE writing these blog posts. I'm not anywhere close to creative or intelligent enough to come up with 58 different ways to write about eggs, potatoes, meat and chili.

As far as Alumni is goes, they serve up a very respectable slinger. Top of the line egg with some with great fries and chili. It's not top ten material, but I might snack on this shit again, if only for the fact that I know I can go in and order something that's not on the menu. It'll make me feel important.

Stop #57: The Kitchen Sink

Tony's Review: Warning this is not an official slinger. This just had the heart of one and I was wanted a reason to try The Kitchen Sink out for my first time. This place opened up not that long ago right off of Forest Park near the History Museum entrance and I would describe their menu as officially off the chains. Tons of good choices to make and everything I saw when I was there looked really good.

Now let's talk about "THE SINK" their everything dish that we deemed close enough to a slinger to warrant reviewing it. Two biscuits, two sausage patties, tater tots, two eggs, sausage gravy and topped with jalapeno bacon and cheese all served in a metal bowl. Sounds good enough and when this bowl of shit came out I was very impressed by the appearance of a legitimate bowl of slop. Everything looked fresh and smelled great and the first few bites were legit. Gravy was fresh, tater tots were crispy and the biscuits were soft which are things we haven't been used to on this tour. I thought I had a new Top Ten contender until about a 1/3 of the way through. Something happened as I was eating it, seemed like my tastebuds just flatlined and all of these sweet things in my bowl tray just started tasting the same. And then I hit the chopped up sausage patties which were all grouped together in one section and while sausage is good I don't want to eat what felt like a never ending mound of sausage bits.

Don't get me wrong, this dish was really good and I'm looking forward to going back there and trying something new. I give the Sink a high five for making all or most of their food from scratch because you can taste the difference and while this almost slinger had a strong start but a weaker finish it was only $6 and worth every dollar. I would recommend you guys check this place out and when you leave check out Harrison's Popcorn next door, they serve all types of popcorn and the ones I had were tasty as shit and they DO NOT skimp and that magic popcorn flavoring dust.

Tim's Review: This thing was definitely impressive looking coming out of the gate. The fork sticking up right in the middle, like this was some kind of food challenge. I know Tony doesn't think of this as a “real slinger” and I kind of agree with that, but I'd say it was more slinger than some crap we've eaten in the past. Remember that so called “Irish Slinger” at O'Shay's, that wasn't a real slinger either.  I still get pissed when I think about those damn boxty potatoes. I didn't mention this before, but I actually hate boxty potatoes for 2 reasons: 1. They're too much like mashed potatoes and 2. when I had to look up what boxty was, I found out that there is a catchy little jingle about boxty. Now everytime I think about it, I get that damn song in my head!

Anyways, back to the Kitchen Sink. This thing wasn't too bad, but I was a little disappointed when I saw it had those damn tator tots. Those never seem to work out in my opinion, but they didn't really bother me too much this time. I think I had about 4 tots in there, so I guess I'm cool with that.  Some dude next to us had a real sexy looking burger.  I think it might have had a fried jalapeño on top or something. Not sure. All I know is that it looked better than what I had. Not a bad slinger, and definitely worth the money, but the simple fact that I didn't finish this off and get the clean plate award for this thing says it's no top ten. Next time I go back, I'm getting the burger. 

Stop #56: Bones French Quarter

Tim's review: Way out in Ballwin, this little Mardi Gras themed dive bar seems completely out of place. I'm actually really not that familiar with eateries around Ballwin, but for some reason I was a little thrown off when I walked in. Maybe it was because this place seemed a little too lively considering it was not even noon and the drinks were going down so easy. I think I was rubbing the sleep out of my eyes when I saw the bartender pour a shot a jager, then set it down behind the bar. I'm pretty sure she poured it for herself! Hey, whatever it takes to help you get through the day.

So the slinger gets dropped of in front us. It's a pretty good looking pile of crap with all the standards: over easy eggs, burger patty, potatoes, chili and cheese. The potatoes might be some of the most memorable on the entire tour. Perfectly cooked with just the right amount flavor. Unfortunately, the potatoes can't save the rest of this tasteless pile. I'd like to forget that I ever ate the burger that was underneath this mess. This was one of those burger patties that, after a couple bites, I just have to start eating around it because it just ruins everything else. Less than halfway through this plate, I'm only picking out the potatoes. As good the as these potatoes were, the rest of this plate is kind of a failure.

Needless to say, I'll probably never be back. If I need a taste of Mardi Gras covered in chili, I know a couple good places in Soulard that'll treat me right.

Tony's Review: Welcome to Ballwin, MO home of every chain restaurant in the world, families galore and Bones French Quarter the headquarters for every aunt in the world that still parties. We were there on a weekend morning, before noon, and this place was full of 50 year old so and sos geting drunk as hell and putting everyone under 30 to shame. Clearly Tim and I were the biggest pussies in the bar.

After a pretty long wait the troff is set down and I'm instantly impressed with the amount of MELTED cheese on this thing. I then noticed all of the beans hanging out on the plate, pretty sure they were pinto beans and they tasted quite delightful, little did I know at the time that they were the only good thing about the chili. And by chili I mean all of the liquid watery juice that was making everything watery and that didn't offer a whole lot to the plate. Tim is right in the fact that the potatoes were the star of the show. And definitely the first boiled, red potatoes that we've had on the tour but it totally worked on this style of slinger. Another cool thing Bones did was throw in some homemade potato chips which confused me at first since I didn't know what the hell it was but once you figured it out it was pure crisp city. The burger on the slinger was a joke, for some reason they thought it was a good idea to chop this thing up so you which was a great idea if you want to serve a burger with zero flavor.

If you're hanging out in Ballwin on the reg like my friend Sara or my main man Steve John (yes that's a real name) you probably love Bones French Quarter with their Flamin' Dr. Pepper drinks and beads year round. This ins't the worst slinger in the world and it's probably one the best you'll find in Ballwin but for everyone else there is no need to drive this far to eat pretty good potatoes and garbage everything else. 

Stop #55: Mattingly's

Tony's Review: Well something wacky happened and Blogger decided to delete my post and save it after I had written one of the finest pieces of literature ever, but you'll never read it so I guess you'll have to take my word for it. 

I'll let Tim do most of the talking on this one but in brief, the slinger was surprisingly good. I thought for sure this pile was gonna be a pure turd but low and behold Mattingly's pulled it off even with this kick ass Communion party going down in the other room. The chili was top notch and there was plenty of it. The potatoes were really good mixing the worlds of green peps, onions and even some mushrooms to create a truly wild experience. If you're in the market to hang out in Florissant you should check out Mattingly's but I probably wouldn't go there at night time...I'm too dainty.

Tim's Review: For being a sports bar that I would never ever want to hang out at, Mattingly's actually serves up a pretty decent slinger. And I'm pretty certain that this is the first slinger with mushrooms, so congratulations to this dump for being such innovators in the slinger scene. I actually thought the mushrooms were a great addition. As far as missing out on the burger patty, the chili was so damn meaty, I didn't care. In fact, a burger might have even been too much.

You know what? I just remembered that this guy I work with lives in Florissant! Tomorrow, I'm going to tell him that he has to go to Mattingly's and get a slinger. Even better, maybe I should meet him at Mattingly's for a slinger!! As long as I remember not to go on a Sunday, I wouldn't mind eating this shit again.  

So for our legions of followers out in Florissant, be sure that when you schedule your next first communion party at Mattingly's, forget the lame ass buffet of fried foods and just order a round of slingers for the whole family. Best first communion ever!

Stop #54: Ivory Coast Bistro

Tony's Review: Months ago when we ate at Melt we passed Ivory Coast Bistro and they had a board outside that said, "Today's Special: Slingers!" Great. Another place to eat at. Well fast forward to the present, we go to the Ivory Coast Bistro to get a slinger we find out that they don't have one and they only did that special ONE TIME! What the fuck man. Already this slinger sucks. We ask the waitress if they can make us one special, you know since we're big time, then she tells us the kitchen doesn't know what goes on a slinger!!! We should of walked out but due to our extreme professionalism we explained what a slinger was and out came the Ivory Coast Bistro.

It didn't look like a total piece of shit when it came out so I give them bonus points for that. The chili was plentiful and it was rich as hell, dare I say too rich? That's about were the excitement ends unfortunately; sausage, hash browns and the eggs were all really basic and didn't bring anything to the plate.

For not knowing what a slinger is the kitchen did an ok job treating some VIPs right. But at the end of the day there is a probably a good reason why they don't offer this on the menu full time. I'm sure the rest of their breakfast is good but for the time being I have no desire to head back to Ivory Coast Bistro.

Tim's Review: What the hell would you expect when you have to give the waitress instructions on how to cook your food? This thing basically sucked. But I mean that in the nicest possible way. It's not their fault that we asked them to make something they don't really make. They should have just said, “sorry fellas, we don't serve slingers here”, and that would have been the end of it. I guess I should just be grateful that they were nice enough to make this crappy meal for us.

It did actually look like a pretty legit slinger when they brought this thing out. All the right ingredients were there, under a big sloppy pile of chili. Unfortunately, none it was making me want more. I guess given the circumstance, it was exactly what I should have expected. I could have bought all these ingredients myself and made this thing at home. The only thing that really bummed me out was that sausage. It was the rubbery little hockey puck style that you get sick of halfway through the first bite. Oh and I almost forgot, I'm not sure what kind of coffee they served, but it was some of the worst coffee I've ever had. If there was a coffee hall of shit, this place might be at the top of this list.

So considering the fact that this slinger was made on the fly, it actually wasn't the worst one we've ever had. What does that say about City Diner, Uncle Bills, and those other turds in the hall of shit?! How bad must they suck when the Ivory Coast can toss a slinger together at a moments notice and not suck as bad as them? Congratulations Ivory Coast for not making it in the hall of shit.

Stop #53: Silver Ballroom

Tony's Review: If you haven't been to Silver Ballroom you should go you dingus, it's a great cheap bar with an even better punk heavy jukebox. Yes you can smoke there which is a bummer for little old clean lungs here but could be a bonus for you lazy smoking slobs. So you're probably asking how the hell a smokey punk pinball bar has a slinger?!?!?! It's not a slinger in the traditional sense but instead is an Australian Meat Pie...which in American translates to a pot pie (apologies if that's not true but it's close enough for this trashy blog).

I'll be honest here, I had been dreading eating this thing for a while, every time I've been there enjoying giant beers the meat pies just sit in a heated case thing looking sad as hell. So when I took my first bite and it didn't taste like stale ass shit I was surprised, but when I took my second bite and it tasted good as hell I was floored. This place somehow crammed the ingredients of a slinger into a small pot pie, which for you guys at home its about the size of a Banquet Frozen Pot Pie, and if you don't know the size of that you're a rich dick who never had to eat garbage food when you didn't have money. Anyway, you got your scrambled eggs which were fluffy and had a great taste, your chili which was pretty standard but in this package it gets bonus points because you could clearly taste it and it didn't just blend into everything. Then we got some creamy cheese, couldn't tell what kind and didn't care it just tasted good and finally they managed to throw in some hash browns as a top layer.

I do know a dude who works there and specifically makes these things, which means they're made fresh frequently enough, he had all the details about the ingredients which were way more impressive than my 4th grade explanation up above but I don't remember that shit. The next time you're at the Ballroom getting wacky pay the $5 and treat yourself to an Australian slinger meat pie.

Tim's Review: Who would've thought that we would get such a tasty surprise from those sad looking little meat pies? Especially this late in the game. I'm a big fan of the Silver ballroom, but I got to be honest, I always thought those meat pies looked pretty pathetic. I didn't even really think of this as a real slinger at first, but they got all the right shit in there and damn was it good.

Tony already spelled it all out, the eggs, chili, cheese.... it was all there and it was all amazing, but there's one other thing that I really liked about this little meat pie: It was clean. It was actually the cleanest slinger ever. I know part of the charm of the slinger is that it looks like a big sloppy pile of shit, but I'm kind of a clean dude. I'm not a crazy germ freak or anything, but I like to keep things nice and tidy. I don't know that this really makes sense, but the point is I just really appreciate the simple, clean approach of the meat pie. This slinger isn't all about just looking good and doesn't need a massive steamy pile of chili to make my mouth water. It's all wrapped up in this nice little package and it just taste great.

After some long, hard soul searching and taking my taste buds down memory lane, I've decided to make a replacement in my top 10. I didn't want to lose Joe's Chili Bowl, so instead of putting the ballroom in there and forcing everything else to slide down the list, Clayton Diner is out and the slinger meat pie is in at number 8.   

Stop #52: Dave's Diner

Tony's Review: Dave's Diner is out there in South County right by Ronnie's and it used to be an Eat-Rite. I think it changed over maybe 6 months ago but it doesn't really matter because it's still basically an Eat-Rite.

This slinger was classic diner to the max, descent chili, thin but just ok burger, slightly undercooked hash browns, standard eggs and of course the unmelted American cheese slices.

It was fine not great, honestly read the Eat-Rite review for a better version of this post and when we were much happier to eat slingers. I'm phoning this one in.

Tim's Review: Clearly nothing too exciting about Dave's Diner. I know it used to be an Eat Rite, but I still don't think it was as good. Actually, we probably ate the Eat Rite slinger close to a year ago, so in all honesty, I probably can't even remember well enough to make a fair comparison. Regardless, I'm going to say Dave's is not as good.

What's the problem with this slinger?....... I don't know really. My only real complaint is that the hash browns weren't crispy and slightly burnt. Remember those hash browns at The Buttery? I think that was way back in stop #2. Those are still some of my favorite hash browns. Even though Dave's is probably only about a 10 minute drive, it's still not worth the trip. I got plenty of other choice's for the standard diner slinger.

If you do find yourself crusing down lindbergh and you're looking for some cheap greasy food, I guess Dave's in not the worst spot. Just don't go to TJ's Diner because that place is kind of a shit hole.  

Stop #51: Sub-Zero Vodka Bar

Tony's Review: "Welcome to Club Paradise, aka Sub-Zero." That's how we were greeted at this place, a little cocky yes but they do have every vodka ever made here. If only that were true. None of that happened, what did happen is that we went to an overpriced fancy bar in the Central West End and ate a $14 slinger burger.

The atmosphere at Sub Zero is clearly for a demographic that aren't a bunch of sweat pant wearing slobs that have been on a year long tour to find the best slinger in St. Louis but sometimes you gotta take your lumps. We've had a slinger burger before and it was alright, luckily the burger here was a bit better. When it arrived it looked like there was a gallon of chili on it, pouring over the edges like the terrifying movie, "The Blob". I had to break one of my life rules of not eating a sandwich with a fork and knife but this burger demanded respect. The burger was really well cooked and had an overall solid taste, the egg was fried which is good for cleanliness but bad for yolk explosions and since I was already eating with a fork and knife like a sissy I would of loved that yolk party. Biggest bummer of the night was when I got psyched out by all of that chili pouring over the edges only to find that it barely existed on the middle of the burger. The chili was descent and it could of been great if there were only 32 more ounces of it.

Listen. If you're going to Sub Zero it's probably because you're trying to get fresh on some bimbo or because you're trying to impress which your friends with your worldly vodka knowledge, which they don't give a shit about. You shouldn't be ordering a $14 slinger burger, just go to Rally's and get the Big Buford, just don't go to the one on Grand & Chouteau, they suck.

Tim's Review: I'm sure I've probably mentioned this before, but I'm not really a fan of the Central West End and for reasons that have nothing to do with food. First, because I'm an old man and don't want to have to drive around for 20 minutes just to end up parking 6 blocks away from the restaurant. And second, because I'm a cheap skate and don't want to pay some jack ass to park my car when I'm perfectly capable of parking it myself. Regardless of how annoying I knew this trip was going to be, I have heard good things about the burgers at Sub Zero. If their burgers are good, the slinger burger must be great. Right?

Ehhhhhhh, it was just ok. The picture definitely makes it look a lot better that it was. The biggest bummer was by far the lack of chili. It needed at least twice as much as they put on there. But even if this burger was swimming in a bucket of chili, the burger was just not that awesome. I guess it did it's job as a burger, but I'm not going to think about it the next time I crave a big fat and juicy grilled burger.  I got dozens of other places I could waste $14.  A nice little bonus though was the side of sweet potato fries, which were great.

So despite the fact that I made the drive into this bullshit neighborhood, the slinger was not too bad. Was it worth fourteen big ones? Nope. Will I ever order it again? Most likely not. Actually now that I'm thinking about it, the only reason I have to go eat in the Central West End again is for the delicious, 7^th place, West End Pub & Grill.   

Stop #50: Allin's Diner

Tony's Review: The big 50th slinger, what a momentous occasion! The only thing that was good about this special anniversary is that the slinger didn't suck but we did have to drive out to St. Charles for it, which is never good. Allin's Diner is a great little place out by Lindenhood University and has about 60 different soups that you can buy in gallon quantities which is a lot of soup.

I can't speak for all of those soups but I can speak for their slinger which was just flat out great. This was one of the more appealing slingers I've had the joy of eating and didn't instantly depress me like some of the other ones. First let's talk about the star of the show, Chef Dave's Famous chili, I'm assuming that Chef Dave is the same motherfucker whose making 60 soups and he still finds time in his soup world to make some real world chili. My main man Dave is throwing in black and kidney beans, some sweet meat chunks and of course some over the top bold ass flavors, it was excellent and probably one of the most memorable chili on the tour. The hash browns were well cooked and crispy which again really mushy hash browns will always ruin a slinger. The burger was legit, not too big or thick and well seasoned which is all I ever want and the eggs were exactly what they needed to be and provided the yolk explosion that I demand.

Though Allin's Diner is a 30 minute drive from the Slinger HQ it proved to be well worth the drive and would recommend it to anyone who may be out that way. Beware they have diner hours so they close around 2pm pretty much everyday. This one is definitely going to make it in my Top 10 and it was great to have a traditional diner slinger this late in the game taste so good.

Tim's Review: 50 slingers!! I'm pretty sure that has to be some kind of a record and I'm going to go ahead and say that Tony and I are now officially slinger experts. Who else is foolish enough to eat this much crap every single week? There are times when I feel like this was the greatest idea ever, and then there are the times when I feel sad and depressed (thank you Steak n shake). Either way, 50 sounds like quite an accomplishment to me.

So I wasn't quite as impressed with Allin's as my partner Tony, but it wasn't anything horrible.  This was done in the classic style, which I always like.  Good crispy hash browns, a burger, and the eggs was pretty spot on.  All the parts were good, but nothing was soo amazing that I would drive to St. Charles for this again. The chili was definitely the highlight. Spicy, meaty, and just the right amount. 

I guess if you do get stuck in St. Charles for some reason this would be the spot to kill some time. I don't think I'd get the slinger again though. I saw some old lady chomping on a pretty good looking egg burrito and if I do make it back to Allins I think I'll have to give that a try.   

Stop #49: Steak 'n Shake

Tony's Review: Imagine our surprise when we heard that Steak n Shake introduced a new late night menu and they have a Steakburger Slinger! The big wigs at corporate must follow our super popular blog and realized that this was a huge opportunity to introduce the slinger to the nation. The new Up All Night menu features a good variety of gross food to jam into your gullet when you've had about 42 too many Little Kings, but beware the menu is only available from Midnight – 6am, which means you won't be the only drunk slob in the restaurant.

I like Steak n Shake a fair amount and think they have legit burgers that dip a toe in Lake Bold Flavors but doesn't get too crazy. But for a chain they definitely hold their own and senior citizens would agree with me. I was excited to try this one, the steakburger is quality, the chili is quality, surely this would be an in the park homerun in my mouth right? WRONG! FUCKING WRONG!

This slinger was probably the biggest disappointment on the tour for me and maybe I was a ding dong to think that a chain could nail such a "complex" dish but still man this was pure shit. Since it's a late night only menu option you're guaranteed terrible service so look forward to that. 45 minutes later when you get your food you pretty much want to fist punch the skillet and leave. Just look at it, it's one of the most depressing slingers I've ever seen. I don't even know what they did to the egg to get it like that, potentially deep fried it, but it was the worst egg I've ever had. The hash browns served as a great mushy base to the pile of shit that was on top of them and offered zero flavor to the slinger. The chili, which I thought was good, was a fucking insult to chili across the world. It formed a unique paste like texture with the terrible hash browns that reminded me of a thick tomato based vomit attack. Then there was the burger...oh Steak n Shake you sell "steakburgers" all day long, you put them on interesting burger combinations with bold ingredients, but when you put them on a garbage slinger you don't season them at all? FUCK YOU. Honestly, even if this was the best burger in the world it still couldn't of helped the rest of the slinger.

Thanks to Steak n Shake I will never get hyped to try a new slinger, so congratulations you assholes, I'll see you in the Hall of Shit.

Tim's Review: For some unknown reason, I made the same mistake as Tony in thinking that Steak N Shake was going to serve up a halfway decent slinger. I don't even think Steak N Shake is that great to begin with. Their burgers are just ok, but for a fast food chain I guess that's the best you could hope for. Why the hell was I the slightest bit excited for this mess? Maybe it's like when you see a commercial for Applebee's where they're introducing the new spicy teriyaki wings or the “Fresh burger” with Jack Daniel's bbq sauce, everyone has to admit: that shit looks good! But everyone also knows what it's really going to look like when they set it down in front of you.

To be fair, I'll have to talk about the one positive at Steak N Shake. The best part of this slinger: the pancake that came on the side. How pathetic it that Steak N Shake?! The best part of your slinger is the fact that I had something else to eat while I looked at your shit pile of a slinger in disgust. And for the record, the pancake wasn't that great either. It was a matter of me being hungry and picking the best of the worst and the slinger clearly lost. The worst part of this junk has got to be a 5 way tie between the chili, the burger, the eggs, the hash browns, and the skillet. Yep, it all sucked. The “skillet” sucked because it wasn't even real. It was a plastic plate in the shape of a skillet. Would a real skillet made this shit any better? Hell no! But just put it in a regular plate.

I don't know that I would have initially been so quick to throw this pile into the hall of shit, but when Steak N Shake served up the worst eggs on the tour, they were practically asking for it. Bottom line: Steak N Shake, you suck.

Stop #48: TJ's Diner

Tim's Review: Just off the infamous South Lindbergh strip lies the sorry excuse for a diner called TJ's. My oh my!! We haven't eaten a piece of shit like this in quite some time. I wouldn't really say this area of town is known for it's great eateries. If I had to choose between TJ's and the endless selection of chain restaurants nearby, TJ's wouldn't even be a consideration. I could probably find something better to choke down at Applebee's.

Where the hell did TJ's go so wrong? It's a little hard to say. Visually, I'd say that this is a mighty fine looking slinger. If I were sitting at the diner and saw this plate at the table next to me, I might be a little jealous. The plate looks good! But one bite in and I knew this was a disaster. For starters, at the base of this mess was a squishy pile of butter soaked hash browns, and that's not a good thing. The chili was tasteless crap, and the worst part, by far was the burger patty. Easily one of the worst burger patty's on the tour. After a few bites, I just started pushing everything aside trying to figure out if there was anything left on this plate that wasn't going to make me sick.

There is one plus side to my experience at TJ's, I now know how shitty it is and I will never ever have to go back and experience that again. If this thing was any bit more offensive, I'd throw this guy in the hall of shit. Guess I'm just feeling nice today.

 Tony's Review: Tim has an extreme take on this slinger but he's not wrong in the slightest. Now before we get too out of control I'm sure TJ's has great food like fries, chicken strips, toasted rav and other things that demand a deep fryer but as far as this slinger goes...it was a pile of shit.

Tim's right on all of the parts of this slinger. Buttery, greasy hash browns, a burger that was a step above rancid, instantly forgettable chili, unmelted slice of cheese but the eggs and onions weren't half bad so it did have that going for it. This slinger just flat out sucked.

It still bums me out when we eat sucky slingers like the one at TJ's and it probably always will. The only thing I can hope is that the hundreds of thousands of loyal readers we have will avoid all of these places that serve no love slingers. 

Stop #47: George's Diner

Tony's Review: If you ever find yourself in Overland, which I'm not sure why you'd be there, check out the oldest diner in the U.S.A* George's Diner. This place reminded me a lot of Eat Rite which is not bad and luckily their slinger was on par with Eat Rites as well.

This was classic slinger 101 with all of the basics covered. A raw meat pile aggressively smashed into a burger shape was a great way to start the dining experience. Crispy, thin ass hashbrowns form the base with just the right amount of grease. Perfectly cooked, yolk explosion eggs, and straight up chili with no bullshit that just tastes good. The burger I mentioned before was good and fresh but it did lack a bit in the seasoning department.

Even though George's Diner is in Overland and it looks like a building that's on its last leg it serves one of the better classic diner slingers we've had on this long as shit tour. Bring some cash cause it's cash only and don't lock eyes with the local men there because they will call you a bad word and probably whooop your ass.

*George's Diner is not the oldest diner in the U.S.A.

Tim's Review: This was definitely the standard diner experience that anyone would imagine from a place with a name like George's Diner.  The best part was the bar full of regulars that were actually a little intimidating at first. I'm pretty sure Tony and I were the only two dudes in there that the cook didn't know by name. I think we were also the only two dudes under 50. But the only thing that really matters is that the food was good and the service was friendly.

Not really a whole lot to say about this plate. It the standard definition of a diner slinger. Everything was good, but nothing really amazing. If I lived in Overland, I bet I'd probably be making some regular visits to this place. George's Diner definitely serves up a solid plate and I'd say it was about on par with Spencer's from a couple weeks ago. Both great diner's and both just missing out on the top ten.   

Stop #46: Hamburger Mary's

Tony's Review: Oh Hamburger Mary's you are delightful in so many ways and then you go ahead and bum me out. I have been to Hamburger Mary's for a burger a couple of times and I would recommend it—a solid, big, messy ass burger is a strong point for them but the slinger is a big turf out. I didn't even know they served brunch until a trivia friend told me about it and I was pretty excited about it until I started shoveling a pile of shit in my mouth.

Maybe I'm being harsh calling it a pile of shit...I'll just call it a pile. The brunch is supposed to be a drag queen gospel brunch but when we were there they were getting ready for, I think, Ms. Gay St. Louis but I could be mistaken. The drag queen brunch definitely would of been a bonus and distracted me from eating this bummer pile. The plate was loaded with breakfast potatoes, I've never seen so many breakfast potatoes on a plate in my life, and the bummer was that they were absent on the first day of flavor school so you were just loading up on flavorless cubes. The chili was homemade but it would of been better off it was from a can which is one of the rudest things I've ever said. And on top was some cheese, onions and two eggs that actually were cooked over easy with a yolk explosion so good job there. While there was a tiny bit of meat in the chili this slinger was missing a meat center piece. A huge missed opportunity here, you serve good burgers, put one of them on here and have a good slinger. I would gladly pay the extra cost to have a legit slinger and not a piece of shit pile.

Also they have the slowest and some of the weirdest/worst tasting coffee I've ever seen in my life. There was a single 12-cup pot at the bar which I think took 20 minutes to brew a pot. I'm no restauranteur nor do I own a 12-cup coffee maker but I think if I served brunch in my burger place I would invest $25 and get at least another brewer. Sorry for the coffee rage slinger fans but a bad slinger with worse coffee makes Tony a dull boy.

While Hamburger Mary's does serve a quality burger they serve a piece of shit pile of a slinger. Our friend Denny was there and got something called a Truck Stop and he liked it but he's selfish and didn't share any of it so I'll have take his word for it. So take a risk and go there for brunch the next time your parents are in town so they can have a great time at the drag queen gospel brunch

Tim's Review: Maybe Tony and I are just unlucky and happened to pick the worst possible day to go, because the Sunday we were there seemed to be a big exception to everything that normally happens. The drag queen brunch they have every Sunday, was not that Sunday. They also have some kind of all you can drink special every Sunday that sounded kind of awesome, but not on that Sunday. MAYBE, the slingers there normally have one of those big fat juicy burgers that they are named for, but just not on that Sunday. I just can't except the fact that HAMBURGER Mary's slinger does not have a HAMBURGER in it. I'm done talking about Hamburger Mary's.

On a brighter note, I am once again going to mention how awesome the Olivette Diner is. I made my third trip back there this past weekend and I'm officially making this my favorite diner in town. You might ask, “WTF dude?! if the Olivette Diner is so fucking awesome, why is their slinger not in your top10? I know, I know, it seems a little unfair to me too, but a top 10 slinger has insanely high standards now. The Olivette Diner had its brief moment in the top 10 and it is a great slinger, but there are many other prize pieces on their menu. For this past trip I went with the breakfast burrito and guess what? One of the best damn breakfast burritos I have ever had. I'm already trying to decide what I'm having the next time I go there.   

Stop #45: Spencer's Grill

Tony's Review: Nothing better than going to a diner you've never been to, grabbing a seat at the counter and eating a premium slinger. Spencer's Grill in downtown Kirkwood is doing things right. It was really busy which is good and they were cranking out food and Mickey Mouse pancakes like it wasn't a big deal.

The slinger did the job and my dreams alive that there are still great classic diner slingers out there that I haven't had yet. Starting out with perfectly cooked shredded hash browns and really great, meaty and traditional chili which they weren't stingy with at all which was a nice change of pace for us. Then two well cooked over easies onion and side of bacon and you've got yourself a righteous meal.

Even though this was a super solid slinger it won't be making my top ten. If we ate this earlier in the tour it would definitely be up there but this late in the game it feel just a little flat. Guess I'm just becoming a demanding little baby who needs world class flavors in every slinger.


Tim's Review: I've probably driven by this place a hundred times and thought “man, that's a good looking diner. I should check this place out sometime”. Well the time has finally come and now I feel like a jackass because this place was pretty fucking good. Just think of all the great breakfast plates I've been missing out on. You think I'm too old to order Micky Mouse pancakes?? .....No way.

While slinger at Spencer's definitely showed my belly a good time, it wasn't exactly a life changing experience. Just great representation of the classic diner slinger. No bells, no whistles, no stupid gimmicks like a waffle or tator tots to try to be original or weird. Just eggs, hashbrowns, chili, and bacon, topped of with the perfect amount of cheese and onion. I really appreciate Spencers' straight forward approach.

I'm pretty sure the last diner to make it into the top ten was clayton diner way back in June of last year. Spencer's was oh so close, but at this point in the game competition is getting kind of serious. Spencer's just missed out on top ten status, but it's definitly on my list of places that I'll make a second trip to.

Stop #44: Novak's

Tim's Review: There are few things in life that I love more than a big fat sloppy sandwich (especially one with egg on it), but one thing that really drives me nuts is when you can't eat a sandwich like it's a sandwich. I just want to pick this thing up with two hands and chow down, but I can't. All the shit just falls off leaving your sandwich in pieces. Alright, not the end of the world, I'll just have to fork and knife this thing into little sandwich bites. Kind of annoying, but I've done it before. Then what REALLY sucks is when you have to cut up your sandwich with plastic!! Ahhh!!!! Come on! First of all, I'm no hippy or anything, but what a waste. Plus, not only is it plastic, but it's really crappy, flimsy plastic that is barely strong enough to cut this sandwich up.

Enough of me bitching about the plastic, how was the “swinger” sandwich? Ehhhh. It was just ok. It was really your standard sausage, egg, and cheese breakfast with a spoonful of chili on top. That's a spoonful at most. I could barely taste any chili when I was eating this thing. The sausage patties were the crappy little hockey pucks that I could have done without. A skinny little burger patty or bacon (or both!) would have made the swinger 100 times better.

I guess the lesson I learned is that Novak's serves bar food. Nothing more, nothing less. Yeah I know, it's a bar, I should have seen it coming. It's not something I would make a special trip for, but it could be good for soaking up a long night of beers.


Tony's Review: Congratulations Novak's on being the only place that could have a Slinger Sandwich on their menu but then cross out the word "Slinger" and then add the word "Swinger"...I still don't get it but I'm guessing other people do. That's one sexy sandwich.

Tim's totally on point with this one, nothing wrong with a slinger sandwich but use some bread that isn't gonna coat your hands with grease and force two grown men to use shitty plastic sporks to eat their tray of shit. There wasn't anything that really stood out for me on this one, barely any chili on it, the bread tasted ok but two thick slices was overkill, high five on the crinkle cut fries which is always a good move. This one just fell pretty flat and would be one to skip when all you loyal readers do your own slinger tour.

Keep up the good work guys. 

Stop #43: West End Grill & Pub

Tony's Review: Sometimes you find yourself in the Central West End and it doesn't totally suck...this was one of those times. West End Grill & Pub is a relatively fancy place without over doing it, probably a good place where educated adults hang out, not scumbags. But no matter who hangs there the slinger they're serving on the weekend is all business.

Welcome to the world of the Slinger Slider, yes another first the tour and a very tasty one at that. Building it from the bottom up we start with a biscuit, sausage, egg over easy, gravy and cheese with a side of breakfast potatoes. For starters that biscuit was on point, they have heard our cries about dry flavorless biscuits and have answered with a biscuit that gives a shit. Then we move on to the sausage which was easily some of the best we've had on the tour, a thick patty which had an excellent overall taste and didn't overpower anything. The egg was on top with a great yolk explosion which I always love but the real star of the show for me was the gravy. Tell your mother's old fashioned sausage gravy to move over because the new belle of the ball is CHORIZO GRAVY! This shit was legit, while it looks like blood vomit it tasted like a spicy treat full of flavors south of the border. The side of potatoes were really good too and I'm not quite sure what was in there exactly but they were perfectly cooked and were a nice change from the normal breakfast potato.

West End Grill & Pub is too fancy to have a shit slinger but I didn't expect it to be that good. This one will find it's way into my top ten for sure and I would recommend that you take your dad there for father's day.

Tim's Review: Aside from that little oops at O'shay's with their mashed (“Boxty”) potatoes, we almost had a solid 4 weeks in a row of good eating. It was smooth sailing on the slinger tour and then out of nowhere comes the West End Pub.

I love slingers, I love sliders, and I love chorizo. Although it was my first time there, it almost feels like the West End Pub has known me for years. How come no one thought of this before? We did have that little slinger burger at Range, but that thing was crap compared to the West End Pub (sorry Range). Speaking of sliders, on a recent weekend getaway I had the pleasure of a late night run to a Krystal. Even better than I remember! Try not to be jealous. Anyways back to this amazing slinger. West End Pub picked all the perfect ingredients to put in this winner. If someone were ever to ask me “hey dude, you want me to throw some corn in those breakfast potatoes”, I'd probably say “uhhhh. Hmmm. No. I'm not the biggest fan of corn, and that just doesn't really sound that tasty anyway.” But clearly, the West End Pub knows way more about breakfast potatoes that I do because this shit was great. Same with the rest of this plate. This is one of the very few spots that can serve up a gravy style slinger and make me a happy eater.

Last thing I need to mention, for some reason I felt the need to get an appetizer of a cinnamon roll. I obviously like this place a lot and want you to check it out, but I will warn you to not waste your time on the cinnamon roll.   Bottom line: Cinnamon roll sucks.  Slinger, 7th best in town. 

Stop #42: Goody Goody Diner

Tony's Review: We finally made it to the legendary Goody Goody Diner and this place did not disappoint. We walk in and the place is packed with a long wait to get a table, surely it's gonna take 45 minutes right? WRONG! We were seated in like 12 minutes, Goody Goody is on top of this shit.

Technically they didn't have a slinger, but they did have a Wilbur Omelet which is a slinger but in a world-class format that babes love from coast to coast—the omelet. A sweet fluffy omelet filled with some great cubed potatoes and their buddies green pepper and onion, a Tony favorite. Then we're smothering it with chili and cheese. You get a side of rice, grits or more Tony favorite potatoes, obviously more potatoes is the way to go. THEN you get a choice of toast, english muffin, bagel or FRENCH TOAST! Yes french toast was an option that you didn't have to pay more money for. God Bless the U.S.A!

The whole thing worked really well, the omelet was perfectly cooked and really nice and fluffy. The potatoes had great flavor and weren't overly cooked or too soft, and the chili was really nice. My only issue and something that could of potentially brought this into my top ten would be the addition of some meat into the mix. Some bacon or sausage in the omelet/potato party could of launched this into super stardom but until then you will just have to eat a good "slinger" omelet with your buds at a restaurant that probably has 100 other great things.

Tim's Review: Goody Goody was a nice break from all the fancy restaurants and sports bars that we've been eating at for the past couple months. This place was the classic diner style that got us into this whole slinger business to begin with.

I definitely dig the omelet style and this thing was sized for an over eater like myself. The 3 choices of bread sounded pretty awesome, but I was in the mood for toast. Plus, I think we could have ordered grits on the side instead of the breakfast potatoes, but I'm not really a fan. So I guess it's all my fault that I didn't order anything that could have made this thing stand out. The absence of the meat was a little disappointing and didn't help with the lack in overall flavor.  I don't understand how something loaded with all those onions and peppers could fall flat in the flavor department. It's was good, but it just didn't make enough of an impression to break into the top 10.

I think this is one of those situations where I heard some great things about this place and then there was just too much time for the hype to build. I like Goody Goody a lot, and the slinger was definitely worth a try, but if I'm going to be 100% honest, I got to say I just don't think I'll be making the drive to eat there again anytime soon.