Stop #60: Cielo

Tim's Review: Sometime back in the later part of 2013, Tony and I actually went on another slinger adventure. It's hard to believe we are both this lazy about writing in the blog now, but it's been over two months. It was actually on Oct. 27. The only reason I can remember the exact day is because the City of St. Louis Photo Enforcement Program was kind enough to send me a picture of me, making a right turn in my multi purpose vehicle (Kia Rondo) from Grand to 44 and reportedly committed the offense of “No Stop Berfore Right Turn”. Fuck that. Anyways, let's talk about the slinger.

I realize it may sound a little absurd that I'm recalling a slinger that I ate over two months ago, but there's really only one of thing that needs to be said: This slinger was $18. Just to be clear, it's a slinger that costs Eighteen U.S. Dollars, making it by far the most expensive slinger in town. I'm not necessarily opposed to paying top dollar for some super tastey food, but it better as hell be good. I don't want some average bowl of slop that I can get anywhere else for $8. Now I know what you're thinking, Tim, stop sounding like a goddamn cheapskate and bitching about how much this thing cost and just tell us....How was the slinger? It was insanely average and I'd say it was worth about $8. All the major players were there, eggs, hashbrowns, burger patty, and chili, but not one ingredient stood out as being anything special.

So was it worth the $18?? Hell no! If you want an average slinger and you're willing to pay an extra $10 so you can have a view of the arch while you eat, I guess Cielo is your place.

Tony's Review: Tim summed this up pretty well, $18 slinger, the one thing he forgot to mention was the magical night we shared together the night before. We rented matching black tuxedos (VIP style), had a stretch Ford F-350 limo bring us to the Four Seasons where we had booked our room. Spun a few slots at Lumiere, lost close to $2,800 and ended up crying in the hot tub in our $3,000 suite. Needless to say the night wasn't great. Luckily we saved enough money to have brunch at Cielo.

The hostess could Tim and I were in the dumps so she gave us the most romantic view in the restaurant. The menu was really upselling the slinger (Jones Heritage Farm Eggs, Chef Donn's Chili), they didn't need to do this, they could of just said "You're eating a slinger at the Four Season's Hotel...Fuck you). When our slingers came I was instantly impressed by the size of the plate/bowl that the slinger was nestled in. It looked good and it tasted pretty good, the chili was rich as hell and also oily as hell, which lets you know that the chances you'll get diarrhea have increased 1,000%. The burger was thick and tasty but there was a lack of hash browns which would of helped soak up that man grease. The eggs were cooked perfectly and they better be, they're heritage eggs. The problem with this slinger is the same we've seen before—too many bold things. The burger and chili would be good on their own but if you're combining the two you need to tone that shit down. SHOW THE SLINGER SOME RESPECT YOU ANIMALS!

Bottom line, unless you're a millionaire/asshole, don't eat this thing. We knew it wasn't going to be worth it but you never know, it could of come with a surprise happy ending which would of made it worth $16.

Stop #59: Dressel's Public House

Well, well, well. I thought we were done with this nonsense, but here we are, back in the saddle. Apparently there's a few slingers we missed, so in our effort to make this the most complete slinger blog on the internet, we're going back on the road for some more punishement. Plus, I don't want people to think we're little bitches because we only ate 58 slingers. We're going to eat them ALL. 

Tim's Review: So we kicked off the unexpected second leg of this tour at Dressel's in the Central West End. This is my first trip to Dressel's, so I don't really know what to expect. Luckily, Dressel's didn't fully disappoint. When the skillet first came out, this shit was looking good. The smell of the chili and the sight of that sloppy brown mess really brought back some beautiful memories, but unfortunately the feeling didn't last. I don't really know what it was, the greasy chili? the sausage? This thing just sort of fell flat. The part that saved this thing was the potatoes, definitely top notch, and by far the best part of this plate. They call them “American fried”, I don't think I've heard that before, but I like it. Also, I think this was a the first slinger with sour cream, so I guess that's cool. I'm not really the biggest fan of sour cream, but I'll go with it.

This slinger didn't really come close to causing any disruptions in the original top 10, but it didn't put me in a bad mood either, so I guess that's kind of a good thing.

On a little side note, I decided to check back with one of the old classic diner hangouts this past weekend so me and a buddy took a late night trip to the Buttery for a recreation slinger. What the fuck happened Buttery?!? My eggs weren't cooked all the way leaving the white part was all runny.  Nobody likes that! Just because I'm getting buzzed into the front door of the Buttery at 1 a.m. doesn't mean I'm too drunk to notice under cooked eggs. Maybe this past year and half has just turned me into a slinger snob........ OR MAYBE someone just forgot how to cook eggs!! Get your shit together Buttery.  

Tony's Review: Man getting back into this whole "writing slinger reviews" is a bummer. I hung up my keyboard, my stretchy pants and was on an exclusive burger diet—but duty calls and a tour of garbage isn't complete until you eat all of the garbage.

Like Tim this was also my first time at Dressel's and was equally surprised by the cast iron skillet that was plopped in front of us. Just check out that picture. You can practically taste all of those bold flavors placed in front of you. Those first few bites were top notch, weird but excellent potatoes, powerful chili and all of exotic toppings. But like a hardcore band from the mid-2000s said "nothing gold can stay". It got to the point about half way through where all of those extreme flavors became too much and the chili especially was simply TOO MUCH FLAVOR (said in an @slingernick voice). Like Tim said it all just kind of went flat, like my tastebuds weren't mature enough for farm fresh eggs and other locally sourced ingredients. Regardless of how the slinger ended this was a great slinger and would recommend it to all of you jabronis.


I was still very impressed with Dressel's and decided to go back a couple of weeks later because they had something that caught my eye when I was there for the slinger...Cheddar Biscuits and Chorizo Gravy! Too bad for you this isn't a biscuits and gravy blog so I won't tell you how good it was but SPOILER ALERT it was through the roof awesome! 

The Slinger Oscars

What a beautiful red carpet affair! Tim and I put on our finest tuxedos, rented the biggest hummer limo we could get and rolled up to Chili Mac's Diner in maximum style. Once we took the official slinger trophy out of our bulletproof briefcase we presented it to the owner of Chili Mac's, Kris, where she stood in awe for about 3 minutes before she began to weep uncontrollably.

Too bad none of that happened. What did happen is we rolled up in a fairly clean and very reliable, 2007 Toyota Corolla and presented Chili Mac's with what may be considered the world's cheapest trophy. None the less they were impressed and did seem to genuinely enjoy and I think it will be at least one week before they throw the trophy in the trash.

Tim and I did enjoy a celebratory slinger with our main man Josh (yes the Josh from the Josh's House post) and to show Chili Mac's the respect it deserves I ate the whole thing and probably won't be eating dinner tonight. Move over Dad's Scotch Oatmeal Cookies, you've got some competition for counter space!

The Best in Da Biz

Here we go, the moment you've not been waiting for...THE TOP FIVE BEST SLINGERS IN ST. LOUIS!

Tony: Not a whole lot needs to be said about the slinger at Eat-Rite, it's the most traditional one in the top ten and is 100% no nonsense. Great place to bring slinger virgins to pop their chili cherry.

Tony: A biscuit and gravy slinger in the top five!?!?! I know, I know but when you have this one you won't give a shit about what a slinger SHOULD be it's what it CAN be (I think that's the most poetic thing I've said on this blog).

Tony: One of St. Louis' best places and recent stars of hipster culture in St. Louis, they should of done a story on how the bold ass flavors of this slinger satifies the cities hunger. And yeah that's ham in the photo.

Tim: This may be the second best tasting, but it is by far the fanciest place to eat a slinger. Tony: This wine bar on Washington Ave. delivers all of the flavors your dreams are made of.

Note: We've been calling this place Big Ed's Chili Mac Diner, looks like they're putting less focus on the Big Ed's part. Sad day.

Tim: After hunting down for every single steaming pile of garbage in and around St. Louis, this is it! This is the classic slinger that everyone must try. The perfect mix of the best ingredients and cheeseburger patties take this thing to the top. Tony: I loved this place before we even started the tour and to see it rise to #1 makes me feel like a proud father after my dumb ass kid won some meaningless award. Chili Mac's may have downtown hours but it's worth taking the day off work to eat the best slinger in the city and then spending the rest of the day in the bathroom.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter where you eat your slinger, if you're drunk and jamming it down your gullet at 2am, it will be the best slinger you've ever had.

Stay tuned for the trophy presentation photos coming in a week or so. Yes we got a trophy. 

The Second Best...of the Best

The verdict is in and the slingers have been partially eaten for your enjoyment. Without further ado, say hello to St. Louis' 10th - 6th best slingers.

Tim: I originally had this guy a little higher on the list, but it just didn't hold up.  Classic slinger with the bonus of jalapeño's! Tony: This one flat out bummed me out.

Tim: All of the features of a big sloppy slinger in a tasty little package. You don't even need a fork! Considering almost every other place is daytime only, this is one my new favorite late night slingers. Tony: I was reluctant to put this in the top ten but then we ate this again and it was as good and fresh as the first time we had it. Bonus points for it's tiny package and extra points for being a great bar. 

Tony: I'll give it to this place they do it right in Olivette, this slinger is legit and they keep it simple with pure Olivette class.

Tony: Oh how the mighty have fallen. I think Sidebar was both of our number ones for a long time and here we end up in the #7 spot. We ate this one early on in the tour and it was one of the first non-diner slingers we had so it's understandable how it felt untouchable for so long but on the second visit it tuns out that its just a quality slinger with good ingredients but no real individual stand outs.

Tony: If there's one good thing I can say about St. Charles it's Allin's Diner...I think that's all the good things in St. Charles. I would probably say this was the best chili we had on the tour, Chef David working his magic with his world class homemade soups. This one definitely held up and I would recommend it to anyone in the area. Also one of the best looking slingers out there.

Stay tuned for the moment you've all been waiting for...the top slingers in THE WORLD (brought to you by Arby's®)!!!

The End is Here: Meet the Runner Ups

So our journey has finally come to an end. After almost 16 months and basically 64 weeks of weekly slingers (we were eating more than one a week towards the end) we have done it. We've gained weight, lost our girlish figures and have spent roughly $800 on pure human garbage troughs. We took our individual top tens and decided to re-eat them to come up with an ultimate top ten, you know separate the boys from the men—U.S.A style.

Benton Park Cafe: Tony: I really like Benton Park Cafe, especially their beer biscuits, but if there's one thing I've learned from eating here numerous times it's that their shit is inconsistent. Sometimes they're soft and tasty but most of the time they're hard and shitty thus resulting in a less than excellent slinger.

O'Shays: Tony: I don't think I've ever seen Tim so upset. Dude HATES mashed potatoes but I love them, I would say there isn't another slinger like this in the city and for that I give them points but we just couldn't come to an agreement on this one, while I really enjoyed the dinner qualities of this one at the end of the day it just wasn't top ten worthy.

Joe's Chili Bowl: Tim: Ohhhhh so close! Joe's Chili Bowl is just missing greatness coming in as the 11th best slinger in town. What's their secret? Well of course Joe's Chili Bowl has some great chili.  Then there's the fact that it's smothering a mountain of kick ass fries. For some reason reason it seems that this place is always empty, but don't let fool you, shit's good as hell. Whenever it's not 400 degrees out, you should definitely come give this place a try.

A Pretty Cool Conversation

This is a series of text messages exchanged between myself and #1 fan, Dave Todd, who had joined us in re-eating the Eat-Rite Diner slinger. Dave doesn't eat many slingers so he doesn't have the "experience" Tim and I have.