Stop #62: Strange Donuts

Tony's Review: You're joking right, a slinger donut (or done if you're in the know). How the fuck do you put a slinger in a done? I heard that NASA scientists worked on it for 14 years and were close to cracking the code but then the government shut down and that went down the drain. So somehow the dudes at Strange Donuts figured this out, I assume this blog was pretty much the prime motivator in that.

So what is this thing and HOW DID THEY DO IT? First off it's a toasted donut, not a glazed or fried cake donut, just a sweet tasting toasted donut. Next you got the chili, so they basically made a donut trough which had solid bottom for maximum biteage and an open top for maximum chiliage. Unreal. Top it off with an egg patty, cheese and some Billy Goat chips and you have yourself a slinger done that you can pick up in your hand, put it in your mouth, bite it, chew it and put it back down without getting garbage all over your self. Unreal. They've accomplished the impossible and here's the shocker it actually tasted pretty good. The toasted done was ok it kind of tasted like sweet bread to me rather than a classic glazed donut that they do well. Chili was good nothing too outrageous, egg patty was solid and the chips added a nice crunch. All in the fact that Strange Donuts put a slinger into a donut is some next level shit, the fact that it actually tasted good is even better. The salty and sweet balance is a favorite of mine and it scratched that itch. Well done Strange Donuts I look forward to the next done.

Tim's Review: A slinger donut does sound like one of those magical creations that is just too good to be true. So right up front, I'll give Strange Donuts credit for having a great idea and making it happen. I love their attempt of trying to stack up the slinger in a nice little package. It really reminded me of the Silver ballroom with their Australian meat pie. Not because of the taste, it was just that nice convenient style. The Silver Ballroom just does it way better. I've actually been back and had that one at the Ballroom a few times since it proudly landed in the #9 spot.

It's not that I thought the slinger donut was bad, but when you put the words “Slinger” and “Donut” in the same menu item, you're really setting some high expectations. The one thing that I just wasn't really a huge fan of is those chips sprinkled on top. It was a good idea, and I like that it was something  new, but a greasy little hash brown patty could have made this thing way better. Something like that hash brown cake you get in the Buttery slinger. A smaller version of that on top of this donut could have been amazing.

Strange Donuts had a great idea and did a decent job with the execution, but if this was a actual menu item (like it is at Ballroom), I really doubt I'd be a regular customer.   

Stop #61: Treehouse

Tony's Review: Another slinger? Another vegetarian slinger? YES! Believe it you red meat eating animal! Expand your mind at Treehouse, a vegetarian restaurant on South Grand that opened in the summer. They started serving brunch recently and guess what wound up on the menu.

Treehouse is pretty neat inside, probably designed by a place that reads design magazines and rehabbing garbage. Pretty small brunch menu but a good fancy cup of coffee. So we get our slinger and it looks great, like someone actually cared about the slop plate they were serving, impressive. Potatoes, chili, eggs, onion, and cilantro (which is a very welcome first for us) but one crucial item wasn't listed in that last sentence, meat or fake meat of any kind. Everything tasted good, solid chili, decent potatoes, properly cooked eggs but after a few bites you realized that without the veggie patty it just fell flat. This slingér could of been so much more with a small veggie burger patty or veggie sausage, instead we were left with glorified bowl of chili minus the bowl.

Tim's Review: I won't really waste too much of your time, because Tony did a great job of breaking it down and getting right to the problem. MEAT! Goddamn vegetarian's have to ruin everything!! Ok, just kidding. I don't really have any problem with vegetarians, but couldn't they find something to throw in there in place of the burger? There's plenty of good soy to go around. Remember that slinger at the Crow's Nest?? That was a vegetarian slinger and it was fucking fantastic. If the Treehouse could just get some kind of sausage flavored soy crap in the mix, this slinger could be the real deal. Maybe they can just throw a morningstar patty in there. Something!!! Actually, that morningstar shit kind of sucks. At least the one I tried sucked. I was at this vegetarian dude's house in St. Charles once, and he offered me a snack. Since he knew I wasn't a vegetarian, I guess he felt that I had to have something that resembled meat. So he threw one of those morningstar patties in the microwave. Damn, that stuff sucks! Why couldn't he offer me a granola bar or maybe a bean and cheese burrito?  I'm too polite, so I did eat the whole thing, but those veggie patty's are a pretty sad substitute for a real deal burger. If someone doesn't want to eat meat then fine, but don't replace it with a shitty, stinky, way less tasty pile of soy that's trying to act like meat. Whatever. I don't even know why I care this much. I actually think it's a little weird that I missed the meat because I don't really eat a lot of meat anyway.   So aside from my one complaint, this thing didn't taste too bad and, as you can see, was a really great looking slinger  .

Stop #60: Cielo

Tim's Review: Sometime back in the later part of 2013, Tony and I actually went on another slinger adventure. It's hard to believe we are both this lazy about writing in the blog now, but it's been over two months. It was actually on Oct. 27. The only reason I can remember the exact day is because the City of St. Louis Photo Enforcement Program was kind enough to send me a picture of me, making a right turn in my multi purpose vehicle (Kia Rondo) from Grand to 44 and reportedly committed the offense of “No Stop Berfore Right Turn”. Fuck that. Anyways, let's talk about the slinger.

I realize it may sound a little absurd that I'm recalling a slinger that I ate over two months ago, but there's really only one of thing that needs to be said: This slinger was $18. Just to be clear, it's a slinger that costs Eighteen U.S. Dollars, making it by far the most expensive slinger in town. I'm not necessarily opposed to paying top dollar for some super tastey food, but it better as hell be good. I don't want some average bowl of slop that I can get anywhere else for $8. Now I know what you're thinking, Tim, stop sounding like a goddamn cheapskate and bitching about how much this thing cost and just tell us....How was the slinger? It was insanely average and I'd say it was worth about $8. All the major players were there, eggs, hashbrowns, burger patty, and chili, but not one ingredient stood out as being anything special.

So was it worth the $18?? Hell no! If you want an average slinger and you're willing to pay an extra $10 so you can have a view of the arch while you eat, I guess Cielo is your place.

Tony's Review: Tim summed this up pretty well, $18 slinger, the one thing he forgot to mention was the magical night we shared together the night before. We rented matching black tuxedos (VIP style), had a stretch Ford F-350 limo bring us to the Four Seasons where we had booked our room. Spun a few slots at Lumiere, lost close to $2,800 and ended up crying in the hot tub in our $3,000 suite. Needless to say the night wasn't great. Luckily we saved enough money to have brunch at Cielo.

The hostess could Tim and I were in the dumps so she gave us the most romantic view in the restaurant. The menu was really upselling the slinger (Jones Heritage Farm Eggs, Chef Donn's Chili), they didn't need to do this, they could of just said "You're eating a slinger at the Four Season's Hotel...Fuck you). When our slingers came I was instantly impressed by the size of the plate/bowl that the slinger was nestled in. It looked good and it tasted pretty good, the chili was rich as hell and also oily as hell, which lets you know that the chances you'll get diarrhea have increased 1,000%. The burger was thick and tasty but there was a lack of hash browns which would of helped soak up that man grease. The eggs were cooked perfectly and they better be, they're heritage eggs. The problem with this slinger is the same we've seen before—too many bold things. The burger and chili would be good on their own but if you're combining the two you need to tone that shit down. SHOW THE SLINGER SOME RESPECT YOU ANIMALS!

Bottom line, unless you're a millionaire/asshole, don't eat this thing. We knew it wasn't going to be worth it but you never know, it could of come with a surprise happy ending which would of made it worth $16.

Stop #59: Dressel's Public House

Well, well, well. I thought we were done with this nonsense, but here we are, back in the saddle. Apparently there's a few slingers we missed, so in our effort to make this the most complete slinger blog on the internet, we're going back on the road for some more punishement. Plus, I don't want people to think we're little bitches because we only ate 58 slingers. We're going to eat them ALL. 

Tim's Review: So we kicked off the unexpected second leg of this tour at Dressel's in the Central West End. This is my first trip to Dressel's, so I don't really know what to expect. Luckily, Dressel's didn't fully disappoint. When the skillet first came out, this shit was looking good. The smell of the chili and the sight of that sloppy brown mess really brought back some beautiful memories, but unfortunately the feeling didn't last. I don't really know what it was, the greasy chili? the sausage? This thing just sort of fell flat. The part that saved this thing was the potatoes, definitely top notch, and by far the best part of this plate. They call them “American fried”, I don't think I've heard that before, but I like it. Also, I think this was a the first slinger with sour cream, so I guess that's cool. I'm not really the biggest fan of sour cream, but I'll go with it.

This slinger didn't really come close to causing any disruptions in the original top 10, but it didn't put me in a bad mood either, so I guess that's kind of a good thing.

On a little side note, I decided to check back with one of the old classic diner hangouts this past weekend so me and a buddy took a late night trip to the Buttery for a recreation slinger. What the fuck happened Buttery?!? My eggs weren't cooked all the way leaving the white part was all runny.  Nobody likes that! Just because I'm getting buzzed into the front door of the Buttery at 1 a.m. doesn't mean I'm too drunk to notice under cooked eggs. Maybe this past year and half has just turned me into a slinger snob........ OR MAYBE someone just forgot how to cook eggs!! Get your shit together Buttery.  

Tony's Review: Man getting back into this whole "writing slinger reviews" is a bummer. I hung up my keyboard, my stretchy pants and was on an exclusive burger diet—but duty calls and a tour of garbage isn't complete until you eat all of the garbage.

Like Tim this was also my first time at Dressel's and was equally surprised by the cast iron skillet that was plopped in front of us. Just check out that picture. You can practically taste all of those bold flavors placed in front of you. Those first few bites were top notch, weird but excellent potatoes, powerful chili and all of exotic toppings. But like a hardcore band from the mid-2000s said "nothing gold can stay". It got to the point about half way through where all of those extreme flavors became too much and the chili especially was simply TOO MUCH FLAVOR (said in an @slingernick voice). Like Tim said it all just kind of went flat, like my tastebuds weren't mature enough for farm fresh eggs and other locally sourced ingredients. Regardless of how the slinger ended this was a great slinger and would recommend it to all of you jabronis.


I was still very impressed with Dressel's and decided to go back a couple of weeks later because they had something that caught my eye when I was there for the slinger...Cheddar Biscuits and Chorizo Gravy! Too bad for you this isn't a biscuits and gravy blog so I won't tell you how good it was but SPOILER ALERT it was through the roof awesome! 

The Slinger Oscars

What a beautiful red carpet affair! Tim and I put on our finest tuxedos, rented the biggest hummer limo we could get and rolled up to Chili Mac's Diner in maximum style. Once we took the official slinger trophy out of our bulletproof briefcase we presented it to the owner of Chili Mac's, Kris, where she stood in awe for about 3 minutes before she began to weep uncontrollably.

Too bad none of that happened. What did happen is we rolled up in a fairly clean and very reliable, 2007 Toyota Corolla and presented Chili Mac's with what may be considered the world's cheapest trophy. None the less they were impressed and did seem to genuinely enjoy and I think it will be at least one week before they throw the trophy in the trash.

Tim and I did enjoy a celebratory slinger with our main man Josh (yes the Josh from the Josh's House post) and to show Chili Mac's the respect it deserves I ate the whole thing and probably won't be eating dinner tonight. Move over Dad's Scotch Oatmeal Cookies, you've got some competition for counter space!

The Best in Da Biz

Here we go, the moment you've not been waiting for...THE TOP FIVE BEST SLINGERS IN ST. LOUIS!

Tony: Not a whole lot needs to be said about the slinger at Eat-Rite, it's the most traditional one in the top ten and is 100% no nonsense. Great place to bring slinger virgins to pop their chili cherry.

Tony: A biscuit and gravy slinger in the top five!?!?! I know, I know but when you have this one you won't give a shit about what a slinger SHOULD be it's what it CAN be (I think that's the most poetic thing I've said on this blog).

Tony: One of St. Louis' best places and recent stars of hipster culture in St. Louis, they should of done a story on how the bold ass flavors of this slinger satifies the cities hunger. And yeah that's ham in the photo.

Tim: This may be the second best tasting, but it is by far the fanciest place to eat a slinger. Tony: This wine bar on Washington Ave. delivers all of the flavors your dreams are made of.

Note: We've been calling this place Big Ed's Chili Mac Diner, looks like they're putting less focus on the Big Ed's part. Sad day.

Tim: After hunting down for every single steaming pile of garbage in and around St. Louis, this is it! This is the classic slinger that everyone must try. The perfect mix of the best ingredients and cheeseburger patties take this thing to the top. Tony: I loved this place before we even started the tour and to see it rise to #1 makes me feel like a proud father after my dumb ass kid won some meaningless award. Chili Mac's may have downtown hours but it's worth taking the day off work to eat the best slinger in the city and then spending the rest of the day in the bathroom.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter where you eat your slinger, if you're drunk and jamming it down your gullet at 2am, it will be the best slinger you've ever had.

Stay tuned for the trophy presentation photos coming in a week or so. Yes we got a trophy. 

The Second Best...of the Best

The verdict is in and the slingers have been partially eaten for your enjoyment. Without further ado, say hello to St. Louis' 10th - 6th best slingers.

Tim: I originally had this guy a little higher on the list, but it just didn't hold up.  Classic slinger with the bonus of jalapeño's! Tony: This one flat out bummed me out.

Tim: All of the features of a big sloppy slinger in a tasty little package. You don't even need a fork! Considering almost every other place is daytime only, this is one my new favorite late night slingers. Tony: I was reluctant to put this in the top ten but then we ate this again and it was as good and fresh as the first time we had it. Bonus points for it's tiny package and extra points for being a great bar. 

Tony: I'll give it to this place they do it right in Olivette, this slinger is legit and they keep it simple with pure Olivette class.

Tony: Oh how the mighty have fallen. I think Sidebar was both of our number ones for a long time and here we end up in the #7 spot. We ate this one early on in the tour and it was one of the first non-diner slingers we had so it's understandable how it felt untouchable for so long but on the second visit it tuns out that its just a quality slinger with good ingredients but no real individual stand outs.

Tony: If there's one good thing I can say about St. Charles it's Allin's Diner...I think that's all the good things in St. Charles. I would probably say this was the best chili we had on the tour, Chef David working his magic with his world class homemade soups. This one definitely held up and I would recommend it to anyone in the area. Also one of the best looking slingers out there.

Stay tuned for the moment you've all been waiting for...the top slingers in THE WORLD (brought to you by Arby's®)!!!

The End is Here: Meet the Runner Ups

So our journey has finally come to an end. After almost 16 months and basically 64 weeks of weekly slingers (we were eating more than one a week towards the end) we have done it. We've gained weight, lost our girlish figures and have spent roughly $800 on pure human garbage troughs. We took our individual top tens and decided to re-eat them to come up with an ultimate top ten, you know separate the boys from the men—U.S.A style.

Benton Park Cafe: Tony: I really like Benton Park Cafe, especially their beer biscuits, but if there's one thing I've learned from eating here numerous times it's that their shit is inconsistent. Sometimes they're soft and tasty but most of the time they're hard and shitty thus resulting in a less than excellent slinger.

O'Shays: Tony: I don't think I've ever seen Tim so upset. Dude HATES mashed potatoes but I love them, I would say there isn't another slinger like this in the city and for that I give them points but we just couldn't come to an agreement on this one, while I really enjoyed the dinner qualities of this one at the end of the day it just wasn't top ten worthy.

Joe's Chili Bowl: Tim: Ohhhhh so close! Joe's Chili Bowl is just missing greatness coming in as the 11th best slinger in town. What's their secret? Well of course Joe's Chili Bowl has some great chili.  Then there's the fact that it's smothering a mountain of kick ass fries. For some reason reason it seems that this place is always empty, but don't let fool you, shit's good as hell. Whenever it's not 400 degrees out, you should definitely come give this place a try.

A Pretty Cool Conversation

This is a series of text messages exchanged between myself and #1 fan, Dave Todd, who had joined us in re-eating the Eat-Rite Diner slinger. Dave doesn't eat many slingers so he doesn't have the "experience" Tim and I have.

Stop #58: Alumni

Tony's Review: Well here I was thinking we were done eating all the new slingers St. Louis has to offer and then my buddy Drew mentions this place...I was less than pumped. Then I find out it's a fancier place which I'm not really into and then he tells me they're slinger fries!? Never had those but I'm sure a classy chef can charge me too much for them.

We get to the place and it is fancy, at least for what we've seen on this never ending tour, but then we find out it's not even on the menu anymore cause only one loyal dude was ordering them. A wave of relief washed over me but then this over achieving bartender said she would ask the chef if he would make it for us—she could tell by our vibes that we were VIP. Sure enough that chef said he could make it for us and gave us the heads up that if you ask for it they can always make it, not sure how that is.

So when the classy slinger fries arrive I'm a little surprised at how good they look. The first thing you notice was how perfectly the eggs were cooked, I don't think I've been so excited to eat an egg and they fucking delivered. Now there wasn't a full blown burger patty on the plate cause this is an appetizer, SO SOME CLASS! But to make up for lack of meat the chili was full of bold flavors and chunks of what I can only assume was ground beef from an hormone free, locally raised cow. And the fries themselves were really good which sealed the deal for me—slinger fries are really
good, but they're not top ten good.
Tim's Review: I think I was slightly bummed when I found out there was a new slinger too. But it really had nothing to do with the fact that I had to eat another one. It was the fact that I felt obligated to write this stupid post. I've learned 2 things over the past year: #1 after 58 stops, I STILL enjoy a fresh breakfast plate covered in steaming chili. I bet that even once this ridiculous tour is over, I will order the occasional slinger. Certainly not on a weekly basis, but I'm sure the craving will come. And #2: I HATE writing these blog posts. I'm not anywhere close to creative or intelligent enough to come up with 58 different ways to write about eggs, potatoes, meat and chili.

As far as Alumni is goes, they serve up a very respectable slinger. Top of the line egg with some with great fries and chili. It's not top ten material, but I might snack on this shit again, if only for the fact that I know I can go in and order something that's not on the menu. It'll make me feel important.

Stop #57: The Kitchen Sink

Tony's Review: Warning this is not an official slinger. This just had the heart of one and I was wanted a reason to try The Kitchen Sink out for my first time. This place opened up not that long ago right off of Forest Park near the History Museum entrance and I would describe their menu as officially off the chains. Tons of good choices to make and everything I saw when I was there looked really good.

Now let's talk about "THE SINK" their everything dish that we deemed close enough to a slinger to warrant reviewing it. Two biscuits, two sausage patties, tater tots, two eggs, sausage gravy and topped with jalapeno bacon and cheese all served in a metal bowl. Sounds good enough and when this bowl of shit came out I was very impressed by the appearance of a legitimate bowl of slop. Everything looked fresh and smelled great and the first few bites were legit. Gravy was fresh, tater tots were crispy and the biscuits were soft which are things we haven't been used to on this tour. I thought I had a new Top Ten contender until about a 1/3 of the way through. Something happened as I was eating it, seemed like my tastebuds just flatlined and all of these sweet things in my bowl tray just started tasting the same. And then I hit the chopped up sausage patties which were all grouped together in one section and while sausage is good I don't want to eat what felt like a never ending mound of sausage bits.

Don't get me wrong, this dish was really good and I'm looking forward to going back there and trying something new. I give the Sink a high five for making all or most of their food from scratch because you can taste the difference and while this almost slinger had a strong start but a weaker finish it was only $6 and worth every dollar. I would recommend you guys check this place out and when you leave check out Harrison's Popcorn next door, they serve all types of popcorn and the ones I had were tasty as shit and they DO NOT skimp and that magic popcorn flavoring dust.

Tim's Review: This thing was definitely impressive looking coming out of the gate. The fork sticking up right in the middle, like this was some kind of food challenge. I know Tony doesn't think of this as a “real slinger” and I kind of agree with that, but I'd say it was more slinger than some crap we've eaten in the past. Remember that so called “Irish Slinger” at O'Shay's, that wasn't a real slinger either.  I still get pissed when I think about those damn boxty potatoes. I didn't mention this before, but I actually hate boxty potatoes for 2 reasons: 1. They're too much like mashed potatoes and 2. when I had to look up what boxty was, I found out that there is a catchy little jingle about boxty. Now everytime I think about it, I get that damn song in my head!

Anyways, back to the Kitchen Sink. This thing wasn't too bad, but I was a little disappointed when I saw it had those damn tator tots. Those never seem to work out in my opinion, but they didn't really bother me too much this time. I think I had about 4 tots in there, so I guess I'm cool with that.  Some dude next to us had a real sexy looking burger.  I think it might have had a fried jalapeño on top or something. Not sure. All I know is that it looked better than what I had. Not a bad slinger, and definitely worth the money, but the simple fact that I didn't finish this off and get the clean plate award for this thing says it's no top ten. Next time I go back, I'm getting the burger. 

Stop #56: Bones French Quarter

Tim's review: Way out in Ballwin, this little Mardi Gras themed dive bar seems completely out of place. I'm actually really not that familiar with eateries around Ballwin, but for some reason I was a little thrown off when I walked in. Maybe it was because this place seemed a little too lively considering it was not even noon and the drinks were going down so easy. I think I was rubbing the sleep out of my eyes when I saw the bartender pour a shot a jager, then set it down behind the bar. I'm pretty sure she poured it for herself! Hey, whatever it takes to help you get through the day.

So the slinger gets dropped of in front us. It's a pretty good looking pile of crap with all the standards: over easy eggs, burger patty, potatoes, chili and cheese. The potatoes might be some of the most memorable on the entire tour. Perfectly cooked with just the right amount flavor. Unfortunately, the potatoes can't save the rest of this tasteless pile. I'd like to forget that I ever ate the burger that was underneath this mess. This was one of those burger patties that, after a couple bites, I just have to start eating around it because it just ruins everything else. Less than halfway through this plate, I'm only picking out the potatoes. As good the as these potatoes were, the rest of this plate is kind of a failure.

Needless to say, I'll probably never be back. If I need a taste of Mardi Gras covered in chili, I know a couple good places in Soulard that'll treat me right.

Tony's Review: Welcome to Ballwin, MO home of every chain restaurant in the world, families galore and Bones French Quarter the headquarters for every aunt in the world that still parties. We were there on a weekend morning, before noon, and this place was full of 50 year old so and sos geting drunk as hell and putting everyone under 30 to shame. Clearly Tim and I were the biggest pussies in the bar.

After a pretty long wait the troff is set down and I'm instantly impressed with the amount of MELTED cheese on this thing. I then noticed all of the beans hanging out on the plate, pretty sure they were pinto beans and they tasted quite delightful, little did I know at the time that they were the only good thing about the chili. And by chili I mean all of the liquid watery juice that was making everything watery and that didn't offer a whole lot to the plate. Tim is right in the fact that the potatoes were the star of the show. And definitely the first boiled, red potatoes that we've had on the tour but it totally worked on this style of slinger. Another cool thing Bones did was throw in some homemade potato chips which confused me at first since I didn't know what the hell it was but once you figured it out it was pure crisp city. The burger on the slinger was a joke, for some reason they thought it was a good idea to chop this thing up so you which was a great idea if you want to serve a burger with zero flavor.

If you're hanging out in Ballwin on the reg like my friend Sara or my main man Steve John (yes that's a real name) you probably love Bones French Quarter with their Flamin' Dr. Pepper drinks and beads year round. This ins't the worst slinger in the world and it's probably one the best you'll find in Ballwin but for everyone else there is no need to drive this far to eat pretty good potatoes and garbage everything else. 

Stop #55: Mattingly's

Tony's Review: Well something wacky happened and Blogger decided to delete my post and save it after I had written one of the finest pieces of literature ever, but you'll never read it so I guess you'll have to take my word for it. 

I'll let Tim do most of the talking on this one but in brief, the slinger was surprisingly good. I thought for sure this pile was gonna be a pure turd but low and behold Mattingly's pulled it off even with this kick ass Communion party going down in the other room. The chili was top notch and there was plenty of it. The potatoes were really good mixing the worlds of green peps, onions and even some mushrooms to create a truly wild experience. If you're in the market to hang out in Florissant you should check out Mattingly's but I probably wouldn't go there at night time...I'm too dainty.

Tim's Review: For being a sports bar that I would never ever want to hang out at, Mattingly's actually serves up a pretty decent slinger. And I'm pretty certain that this is the first slinger with mushrooms, so congratulations to this dump for being such innovators in the slinger scene. I actually thought the mushrooms were a great addition. As far as missing out on the burger patty, the chili was so damn meaty, I didn't care. In fact, a burger might have even been too much.

You know what? I just remembered that this guy I work with lives in Florissant! Tomorrow, I'm going to tell him that he has to go to Mattingly's and get a slinger. Even better, maybe I should meet him at Mattingly's for a slinger!! As long as I remember not to go on a Sunday, I wouldn't mind eating this shit again.  

So for our legions of followers out in Florissant, be sure that when you schedule your next first communion party at Mattingly's, forget the lame ass buffet of fried foods and just order a round of slingers for the whole family. Best first communion ever!

Stop #54: Ivory Coast Bistro

Tony's Review: Months ago when we ate at Melt we passed Ivory Coast Bistro and they had a board outside that said, "Today's Special: Slingers!" Great. Another place to eat at. Well fast forward to the present, we go to the Ivory Coast Bistro to get a slinger we find out that they don't have one and they only did that special ONE TIME! What the fuck man. Already this slinger sucks. We ask the waitress if they can make us one special, you know since we're big time, then she tells us the kitchen doesn't know what goes on a slinger!!! We should of walked out but due to our extreme professionalism we explained what a slinger was and out came the Ivory Coast Bistro.

It didn't look like a total piece of shit when it came out so I give them bonus points for that. The chili was plentiful and it was rich as hell, dare I say too rich? That's about were the excitement ends unfortunately; sausage, hash browns and the eggs were all really basic and didn't bring anything to the plate.

For not knowing what a slinger is the kitchen did an ok job treating some VIPs right. But at the end of the day there is a probably a good reason why they don't offer this on the menu full time. I'm sure the rest of their breakfast is good but for the time being I have no desire to head back to Ivory Coast Bistro.

Tim's Review: What the hell would you expect when you have to give the waitress instructions on how to cook your food? This thing basically sucked. But I mean that in the nicest possible way. It's not their fault that we asked them to make something they don't really make. They should have just said, “sorry fellas, we don't serve slingers here”, and that would have been the end of it. I guess I should just be grateful that they were nice enough to make this crappy meal for us.

It did actually look like a pretty legit slinger when they brought this thing out. All the right ingredients were there, under a big sloppy pile of chili. Unfortunately, none it was making me want more. I guess given the circumstance, it was exactly what I should have expected. I could have bought all these ingredients myself and made this thing at home. The only thing that really bummed me out was that sausage. It was the rubbery little hockey puck style that you get sick of halfway through the first bite. Oh and I almost forgot, I'm not sure what kind of coffee they served, but it was some of the worst coffee I've ever had. If there was a coffee hall of shit, this place might be at the top of this list.

So considering the fact that this slinger was made on the fly, it actually wasn't the worst one we've ever had. What does that say about City Diner, Uncle Bills, and those other turds in the hall of shit?! How bad must they suck when the Ivory Coast can toss a slinger together at a moments notice and not suck as bad as them? Congratulations Ivory Coast for not making it in the hall of shit.

Stop #53: Silver Ballroom

Tony's Review: If you haven't been to Silver Ballroom you should go you dingus, it's a great cheap bar with an even better punk heavy jukebox. Yes you can smoke there which is a bummer for little old clean lungs here but could be a bonus for you lazy smoking slobs. So you're probably asking how the hell a smokey punk pinball bar has a slinger?!?!?! It's not a slinger in the traditional sense but instead is an Australian Meat Pie...which in American translates to a pot pie (apologies if that's not true but it's close enough for this trashy blog).

I'll be honest here, I had been dreading eating this thing for a while, every time I've been there enjoying giant beers the meat pies just sit in a heated case thing looking sad as hell. So when I took my first bite and it didn't taste like stale ass shit I was surprised, but when I took my second bite and it tasted good as hell I was floored. This place somehow crammed the ingredients of a slinger into a small pot pie, which for you guys at home its about the size of a Banquet Frozen Pot Pie, and if you don't know the size of that you're a rich dick who never had to eat garbage food when you didn't have money. Anyway, you got your scrambled eggs which were fluffy and had a great taste, your chili which was pretty standard but in this package it gets bonus points because you could clearly taste it and it didn't just blend into everything. Then we got some creamy cheese, couldn't tell what kind and didn't care it just tasted good and finally they managed to throw in some hash browns as a top layer.

I do know a dude who works there and specifically makes these things, which means they're made fresh frequently enough, he had all the details about the ingredients which were way more impressive than my 4th grade explanation up above but I don't remember that shit. The next time you're at the Ballroom getting wacky pay the $5 and treat yourself to an Australian slinger meat pie.

Tim's Review: Who would've thought that we would get such a tasty surprise from those sad looking little meat pies? Especially this late in the game. I'm a big fan of the Silver ballroom, but I got to be honest, I always thought those meat pies looked pretty pathetic. I didn't even really think of this as a real slinger at first, but they got all the right shit in there and damn was it good.

Tony already spelled it all out, the eggs, chili, cheese.... it was all there and it was all amazing, but there's one other thing that I really liked about this little meat pie: It was clean. It was actually the cleanest slinger ever. I know part of the charm of the slinger is that it looks like a big sloppy pile of shit, but I'm kind of a clean dude. I'm not a crazy germ freak or anything, but I like to keep things nice and tidy. I don't know that this really makes sense, but the point is I just really appreciate the simple, clean approach of the meat pie. This slinger isn't all about just looking good and doesn't need a massive steamy pile of chili to make my mouth water. It's all wrapped up in this nice little package and it just taste great.

After some long, hard soul searching and taking my taste buds down memory lane, I've decided to make a replacement in my top 10. I didn't want to lose Joe's Chili Bowl, so instead of putting the ballroom in there and forcing everything else to slide down the list, Clayton Diner is out and the slinger meat pie is in at number 8.   

Stop #52: Dave's Diner

Tony's Review: Dave's Diner is out there in South County right by Ronnie's and it used to be an Eat-Rite. I think it changed over maybe 6 months ago but it doesn't really matter because it's still basically an Eat-Rite.

This slinger was classic diner to the max, descent chili, thin but just ok burger, slightly undercooked hash browns, standard eggs and of course the unmelted American cheese slices.

It was fine not great, honestly read the Eat-Rite review for a better version of this post and when we were much happier to eat slingers. I'm phoning this one in.

Tim's Review: Clearly nothing too exciting about Dave's Diner. I know it used to be an Eat Rite, but I still don't think it was as good. Actually, we probably ate the Eat Rite slinger close to a year ago, so in all honesty, I probably can't even remember well enough to make a fair comparison. Regardless, I'm going to say Dave's is not as good.

What's the problem with this slinger?....... I don't know really. My only real complaint is that the hash browns weren't crispy and slightly burnt. Remember those hash browns at The Buttery? I think that was way back in stop #2. Those are still some of my favorite hash browns. Even though Dave's is probably only about a 10 minute drive, it's still not worth the trip. I got plenty of other choice's for the standard diner slinger.

If you do find yourself crusing down lindbergh and you're looking for some cheap greasy food, I guess Dave's in not the worst spot. Just don't go to TJ's Diner because that place is kind of a shit hole.  

Stop #51: Sub-Zero Vodka Bar

Tony's Review: "Welcome to Club Paradise, aka Sub-Zero." That's how we were greeted at this place, a little cocky yes but they do have every vodka ever made here. If only that were true. None of that happened, what did happen is that we went to an overpriced fancy bar in the Central West End and ate a $14 slinger burger.

The atmosphere at Sub Zero is clearly for a demographic that aren't a bunch of sweat pant wearing slobs that have been on a year long tour to find the best slinger in St. Louis but sometimes you gotta take your lumps. We've had a slinger burger before and it was alright, luckily the burger here was a bit better. When it arrived it looked like there was a gallon of chili on it, pouring over the edges like the terrifying movie, "The Blob". I had to break one of my life rules of not eating a sandwich with a fork and knife but this burger demanded respect. The burger was really well cooked and had an overall solid taste, the egg was fried which is good for cleanliness but bad for yolk explosions and since I was already eating with a fork and knife like a sissy I would of loved that yolk party. Biggest bummer of the night was when I got psyched out by all of that chili pouring over the edges only to find that it barely existed on the middle of the burger. The chili was descent and it could of been great if there were only 32 more ounces of it.

Listen. If you're going to Sub Zero it's probably because you're trying to get fresh on some bimbo or because you're trying to impress which your friends with your worldly vodka knowledge, which they don't give a shit about. You shouldn't be ordering a $14 slinger burger, just go to Rally's and get the Big Buford, just don't go to the one on Grand & Chouteau, they suck.

Tim's Review: I'm sure I've probably mentioned this before, but I'm not really a fan of the Central West End and for reasons that have nothing to do with food. First, because I'm an old man and don't want to have to drive around for 20 minutes just to end up parking 6 blocks away from the restaurant. And second, because I'm a cheap skate and don't want to pay some jack ass to park my car when I'm perfectly capable of parking it myself. Regardless of how annoying I knew this trip was going to be, I have heard good things about the burgers at Sub Zero. If their burgers are good, the slinger burger must be great. Right?

Ehhhhhhh, it was just ok. The picture definitely makes it look a lot better that it was. The biggest bummer was by far the lack of chili. It needed at least twice as much as they put on there. But even if this burger was swimming in a bucket of chili, the burger was just not that awesome. I guess it did it's job as a burger, but I'm not going to think about it the next time I crave a big fat and juicy grilled burger.  I got dozens of other places I could waste $14.  A nice little bonus though was the side of sweet potato fries, which were great.

So despite the fact that I made the drive into this bullshit neighborhood, the slinger was not too bad. Was it worth fourteen big ones? Nope. Will I ever order it again? Most likely not. Actually now that I'm thinking about it, the only reason I have to go eat in the Central West End again is for the delicious, 7^th place, West End Pub & Grill.   

Stop #50: Allin's Diner

Tony's Review: The big 50th slinger, what a momentous occasion! The only thing that was good about this special anniversary is that the slinger didn't suck but we did have to drive out to St. Charles for it, which is never good. Allin's Diner is a great little place out by Lindenhood University and has about 60 different soups that you can buy in gallon quantities which is a lot of soup.

I can't speak for all of those soups but I can speak for their slinger which was just flat out great. This was one of the more appealing slingers I've had the joy of eating and didn't instantly depress me like some of the other ones. First let's talk about the star of the show, Chef Dave's Famous chili, I'm assuming that Chef Dave is the same motherfucker whose making 60 soups and he still finds time in his soup world to make some real world chili. My main man Dave is throwing in black and kidney beans, some sweet meat chunks and of course some over the top bold ass flavors, it was excellent and probably one of the most memorable chili on the tour. The hash browns were well cooked and crispy which again really mushy hash browns will always ruin a slinger. The burger was legit, not too big or thick and well seasoned which is all I ever want and the eggs were exactly what they needed to be and provided the yolk explosion that I demand.

Though Allin's Diner is a 30 minute drive from the Slinger HQ it proved to be well worth the drive and would recommend it to anyone who may be out that way. Beware they have diner hours so they close around 2pm pretty much everyday. This one is definitely going to make it in my Top 10 and it was great to have a traditional diner slinger this late in the game taste so good.

Tim's Review: 50 slingers!! I'm pretty sure that has to be some kind of a record and I'm going to go ahead and say that Tony and I are now officially slinger experts. Who else is foolish enough to eat this much crap every single week? There are times when I feel like this was the greatest idea ever, and then there are the times when I feel sad and depressed (thank you Steak n shake). Either way, 50 sounds like quite an accomplishment to me.

So I wasn't quite as impressed with Allin's as my partner Tony, but it wasn't anything horrible.  This was done in the classic style, which I always like.  Good crispy hash browns, a burger, and the eggs was pretty spot on.  All the parts were good, but nothing was soo amazing that I would drive to St. Charles for this again. The chili was definitely the highlight. Spicy, meaty, and just the right amount. 

I guess if you do get stuck in St. Charles for some reason this would be the spot to kill some time. I don't think I'd get the slinger again though. I saw some old lady chomping on a pretty good looking egg burrito and if I do make it back to Allins I think I'll have to give that a try.   

Stop #49: Steak 'n Shake

Tony's Review: Imagine our surprise when we heard that Steak n Shake introduced a new late night menu and they have a Steakburger Slinger! The big wigs at corporate must follow our super popular blog and realized that this was a huge opportunity to introduce the slinger to the nation. The new Up All Night menu features a good variety of gross food to jam into your gullet when you've had about 42 too many Little Kings, but beware the menu is only available from Midnight – 6am, which means you won't be the only drunk slob in the restaurant.

I like Steak n Shake a fair amount and think they have legit burgers that dip a toe in Lake Bold Flavors but doesn't get too crazy. But for a chain they definitely hold their own and senior citizens would agree with me. I was excited to try this one, the steakburger is quality, the chili is quality, surely this would be an in the park homerun in my mouth right? WRONG! FUCKING WRONG!

This slinger was probably the biggest disappointment on the tour for me and maybe I was a ding dong to think that a chain could nail such a "complex" dish but still man this was pure shit. Since it's a late night only menu option you're guaranteed terrible service so look forward to that. 45 minutes later when you get your food you pretty much want to fist punch the skillet and leave. Just look at it, it's one of the most depressing slingers I've ever seen. I don't even know what they did to the egg to get it like that, potentially deep fried it, but it was the worst egg I've ever had. The hash browns served as a great mushy base to the pile of shit that was on top of them and offered zero flavor to the slinger. The chili, which I thought was good, was a fucking insult to chili across the world. It formed a unique paste like texture with the terrible hash browns that reminded me of a thick tomato based vomit attack. Then there was the burger...oh Steak n Shake you sell "steakburgers" all day long, you put them on interesting burger combinations with bold ingredients, but when you put them on a garbage slinger you don't season them at all? FUCK YOU. Honestly, even if this was the best burger in the world it still couldn't of helped the rest of the slinger.

Thanks to Steak n Shake I will never get hyped to try a new slinger, so congratulations you assholes, I'll see you in the Hall of Shit.

Tim's Review: For some unknown reason, I made the same mistake as Tony in thinking that Steak N Shake was going to serve up a halfway decent slinger. I don't even think Steak N Shake is that great to begin with. Their burgers are just ok, but for a fast food chain I guess that's the best you could hope for. Why the hell was I the slightest bit excited for this mess? Maybe it's like when you see a commercial for Applebee's where they're introducing the new spicy teriyaki wings or the “Fresh burger” with Jack Daniel's bbq sauce, everyone has to admit: that shit looks good! But everyone also knows what it's really going to look like when they set it down in front of you.

To be fair, I'll have to talk about the one positive at Steak N Shake. The best part of this slinger: the pancake that came on the side. How pathetic it that Steak N Shake?! The best part of your slinger is the fact that I had something else to eat while I looked at your shit pile of a slinger in disgust. And for the record, the pancake wasn't that great either. It was a matter of me being hungry and picking the best of the worst and the slinger clearly lost. The worst part of this junk has got to be a 5 way tie between the chili, the burger, the eggs, the hash browns, and the skillet. Yep, it all sucked. The “skillet” sucked because it wasn't even real. It was a plastic plate in the shape of a skillet. Would a real skillet made this shit any better? Hell no! But just put it in a regular plate.

I don't know that I would have initially been so quick to throw this pile into the hall of shit, but when Steak N Shake served up the worst eggs on the tour, they were practically asking for it. Bottom line: Steak N Shake, you suck.

Stop #48: TJ's Diner

Tim's Review: Just off the infamous South Lindbergh strip lies the sorry excuse for a diner called TJ's. My oh my!! We haven't eaten a piece of shit like this in quite some time. I wouldn't really say this area of town is known for it's great eateries. If I had to choose between TJ's and the endless selection of chain restaurants nearby, TJ's wouldn't even be a consideration. I could probably find something better to choke down at Applebee's.

Where the hell did TJ's go so wrong? It's a little hard to say. Visually, I'd say that this is a mighty fine looking slinger. If I were sitting at the diner and saw this plate at the table next to me, I might be a little jealous. The plate looks good! But one bite in and I knew this was a disaster. For starters, at the base of this mess was a squishy pile of butter soaked hash browns, and that's not a good thing. The chili was tasteless crap, and the worst part, by far was the burger patty. Easily one of the worst burger patty's on the tour. After a few bites, I just started pushing everything aside trying to figure out if there was anything left on this plate that wasn't going to make me sick.

There is one plus side to my experience at TJ's, I now know how shitty it is and I will never ever have to go back and experience that again. If this thing was any bit more offensive, I'd throw this guy in the hall of shit. Guess I'm just feeling nice today.

 Tony's Review: Tim has an extreme take on this slinger but he's not wrong in the slightest. Now before we get too out of control I'm sure TJ's has great food like fries, chicken strips, toasted rav and other things that demand a deep fryer but as far as this slinger goes...it was a pile of shit.

Tim's right on all of the parts of this slinger. Buttery, greasy hash browns, a burger that was a step above rancid, instantly forgettable chili, unmelted slice of cheese but the eggs and onions weren't half bad so it did have that going for it. This slinger just flat out sucked.

It still bums me out when we eat sucky slingers like the one at TJ's and it probably always will. The only thing I can hope is that the hundreds of thousands of loyal readers we have will avoid all of these places that serve no love slingers.