Saturday, March 30, 2013

Stop #49: Steak 'n Shake

Tony's Review: Imagine our surprise when we heard that Steak n Shake introduced a new late night menu and they have a Steakburger Slinger! The big wigs at corporate must follow our super popular blog and realized that this was a huge opportunity to introduce the slinger to the nation. The new Up All Night menu features a good variety of gross food to jam into your gullet when you've had about 42 too many Little Kings, but beware the menu is only available from Midnight – 6am, which means you won't be the only drunk slob in the restaurant.

I like Steak n Shake a fair amount and think they have legit burgers that dip a toe in Lake Bold Flavors but doesn't get too crazy. But for a chain they definitely hold their own and senior citizens would agree with me. I was excited to try this one, the steakburger is quality, the chili is quality, surely this would be an in the park homerun in my mouth right? WRONG! FUCKING WRONG!

This slinger was probably the biggest disappointment on the tour for me and maybe I was a ding dong to think that a chain could nail such a "complex" dish but still man this was pure shit. Since it's a late night only menu option you're guaranteed terrible service so look forward to that. 45 minutes later when you get your food you pretty much want to fist punch the skillet and leave. Just look at it, it's one of the most depressing slingers I've ever seen. I don't even know what they did to the egg to get it like that, potentially deep fried it, but it was the worst egg I've ever had. The hash browns served as a great mushy base to the pile of shit that was on top of them and offered zero flavor to the slinger. The chili, which I thought was good, was a fucking insult to chili across the world. It formed a unique paste like texture with the terrible hash browns that reminded me of a thick tomato based vomit attack. Then there was the burger...oh Steak n Shake you sell "steakburgers" all day long, you put them on interesting burger combinations with bold ingredients, but when you put them on a garbage slinger you don't season them at all? FUCK YOU. Honestly, even if this was the best burger in the world it still couldn't of helped the rest of the slinger.

Thanks to Steak n Shake I will never get hyped to try a new slinger, so congratulations you assholes, I'll see you in the Hall of Shit.

Tim's Review: For some unknown reason, I made the same mistake as Tony in thinking that Steak N Shake was going to serve up a halfway decent slinger. I don't even think Steak N Shake is that great to begin with. Their burgers are just ok, but for a fast food chain I guess that's the best you could hope for. Why the hell was I the slightest bit excited for this mess? Maybe it's like when you see a commercial for Applebee's where they're introducing the new spicy teriyaki wings or the “Fresh burger” with Jack Daniel's bbq sauce, everyone has to admit: that shit looks good! But everyone also knows what it's really going to look like when they set it down in front of you.

To be fair, I'll have to talk about the one positive at Steak N Shake. The best part of this slinger: the pancake that came on the side. How pathetic it that Steak N Shake?! The best part of your slinger is the fact that I had something else to eat while I looked at your shit pile of a slinger in disgust. And for the record, the pancake wasn't that great either. It was a matter of me being hungry and picking the best of the worst and the slinger clearly lost. The worst part of this junk has got to be a 5 way tie between the chili, the burger, the eggs, the hash browns, and the skillet. Yep, it all sucked. The “skillet” sucked because it wasn't even real. It was a plastic plate in the shape of a skillet. Would a real skillet made this shit any better? Hell no! But just put it in a regular plate.

I don't know that I would have initially been so quick to throw this pile into the hall of shit, but when Steak N Shake served up the worst eggs on the tour, they were practically asking for it. Bottom line: Steak N Shake, you suck.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Stop #48: TJ's Diner

Tim's Review: Just off the infamous South Lindbergh strip lies the sorry excuse for a diner called TJ's. My oh my!! We haven't eaten a piece of shit like this in quite some time. I wouldn't really say this area of town is known for it's great eateries. If I had to choose between TJ's and the endless selection of chain restaurants nearby, TJ's wouldn't even be a consideration. I could probably find something better to choke down at Applebee's.

Where the hell did TJ's go so wrong? It's a little hard to say. Visually, I'd say that this is a mighty fine looking slinger. If I were sitting at the diner and saw this plate at the table next to me, I might be a little jealous. The plate looks good! But one bite in and I knew this was a disaster. For starters, at the base of this mess was a squishy pile of butter soaked hash browns, and that's not a good thing. The chili was tasteless crap, and the worst part, by far was the burger patty. Easily one of the worst burger patty's on the tour. After a few bites, I just started pushing everything aside trying to figure out if there was anything left on this plate that wasn't going to make me sick.

There is one plus side to my experience at TJ's, I now know how shitty it is and I will never ever have to go back and experience that again. If this thing was any bit more offensive, I'd throw this guy in the hall of shit. Guess I'm just feeling nice today.

 Tony's Review: Tim has an extreme take on this slinger but he's not wrong in the slightest. Now before we get too out of control I'm sure TJ's has great food like fries, chicken strips, toasted rav and other things that demand a deep fryer but as far as this slinger was a pile of shit.

Tim's right on all of the parts of this slinger. Buttery, greasy hash browns, a burger that was a step above rancid, instantly forgettable chili, unmelted slice of cheese but the eggs and onions weren't half bad so it did have that going for it. This slinger just flat out sucked.

It still bums me out when we eat sucky slingers like the one at TJ's and it probably always will. The only thing I can hope is that the hundreds of thousands of loyal readers we have will avoid all of these places that serve no love slingers. 

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Stop #47: George's Diner

Tony's Review: If you ever find yourself in Overland, which I'm not sure why you'd be there, check out the oldest diner in the U.S.A* George's Diner. This place reminded me a lot of Eat Rite which is not bad and luckily their slinger was on par with Eat Rites as well.

This was classic slinger 101 with all of the basics covered. A raw meat pile aggressively smashed into a burger shape was a great way to start the dining experience. Crispy, thin ass hashbrowns form the base with just the right amount of grease. Perfectly cooked, yolk explosion eggs, and straight up chili with no bullshit that just tastes good. The burger I mentioned before was good and fresh but it did lack a bit in the seasoning department.

Even though George's Diner is in Overland and it looks like a building that's on its last leg it serves one of the better classic diner slingers we've had on this long as shit tour. Bring some cash cause it's cash only and don't lock eyes with the local men there because they will call you a bad word and probably whooop your ass.

*George's Diner is not the oldest diner in the U.S.A.

Tim's Review: This was definitely the standard diner experience that anyone would imagine from a place with a name like George's Diner.  The best part was the bar full of regulars that were actually a little intimidating at first. I'm pretty sure Tony and I were the only two dudes in there that the cook didn't know by name. I think we were also the only two dudes under 50. But the only thing that really matters is that the food was good and the service was friendly.

Not really a whole lot to say about this plate. It the standard definition of a diner slinger. Everything was good, but nothing really amazing. If I lived in Overland, I bet I'd probably be making some regular visits to this place. George's Diner definitely serves up a solid plate and I'd say it was about on par with Spencer's from a couple weeks ago. Both great diner's and both just missing out on the top ten.   

Friday, March 8, 2013

Stop #46: Hamburger Mary's

Tony's Review: Oh Hamburger Mary's you are delightful in so many ways and then you go ahead and bum me out. I have been to Hamburger Mary's for a burger a couple of times and I would recommend it—a solid, big, messy ass burger is a strong point for them but the slinger is a big turf out. I didn't even know they served brunch until a trivia friend told me about it and I was pretty excited about it until I started shoveling a pile of shit in my mouth.

Maybe I'm being harsh calling it a pile of shit...I'll just call it a pile. The brunch is supposed to be a drag queen gospel brunch but when we were there they were getting ready for, I think, Ms. Gay St. Louis but I could be mistaken. The drag queen brunch definitely would of been a bonus and distracted me from eating this bummer pile. The plate was loaded with breakfast potatoes, I've never seen so many breakfast potatoes on a plate in my life, and the bummer was that they were absent on the first day of flavor school so you were just loading up on flavorless cubes. The chili was homemade but it would of been better off it was from a can which is one of the rudest things I've ever said. And on top was some cheese, onions and two eggs that actually were cooked over easy with a yolk explosion so good job there. While there was a tiny bit of meat in the chili this slinger was missing a meat center piece. A huge missed opportunity here, you serve good burgers, put one of them on here and have a good slinger. I would gladly pay the extra cost to have a legit slinger and not a piece of shit pile.

Also they have the slowest and some of the weirdest/worst tasting coffee I've ever seen in my life. There was a single 12-cup pot at the bar which I think took 20 minutes to brew a pot. I'm no restauranteur nor do I own a 12-cup coffee maker but I think if I served brunch in my burger place I would invest $25 and get at least another brewer. Sorry for the coffee rage slinger fans but a bad slinger with worse coffee makes Tony a dull boy.

While Hamburger Mary's does serve a quality burger they serve a piece of shit pile of a slinger. Our friend Denny was there and got something called a Truck Stop and he liked it but he's selfish and didn't share any of it so I'll have take his word for it. So take a risk and go there for brunch the next time your parents are in town so they can have a great time at the drag queen gospel brunch

Tim's Review: Maybe Tony and I are just unlucky and happened to pick the worst possible day to go, because the Sunday we were there seemed to be a big exception to everything that normally happens. The drag queen brunch they have every Sunday, was not that Sunday. They also have some kind of all you can drink special every Sunday that sounded kind of awesome, but not on that Sunday. MAYBE, the slingers there normally have one of those big fat juicy burgers that they are named for, but just not on that Sunday. I just can't except the fact that HAMBURGER Mary's slinger does not have a HAMBURGER in it. I'm done talking about Hamburger Mary's.

On a brighter note, I am once again going to mention how awesome the Olivette Diner is. I made my third trip back there this past weekend and I'm officially making this my favorite diner in town. You might ask, “WTF dude?! if the Olivette Diner is so fucking awesome, why is their slinger not in your top10? I know, I know, it seems a little unfair to me too, but a top 10 slinger has insanely high standards now. The Olivette Diner had its brief moment in the top 10 and it is a great slinger, but there are many other prize pieces on their menu. For this past trip I went with the breakfast burrito and guess what? One of the best damn breakfast burritos I have ever had. I'm already trying to decide what I'm having the next time I go there.