Friday, March 8, 2013

Stop #46: Hamburger Mary's

Tony's Review: Oh Hamburger Mary's you are delightful in so many ways and then you go ahead and bum me out. I have been to Hamburger Mary's for a burger a couple of times and I would recommend it—a solid, big, messy ass burger is a strong point for them but the slinger is a big turf out. I didn't even know they served brunch until a trivia friend told me about it and I was pretty excited about it until I started shoveling a pile of shit in my mouth.

Maybe I'm being harsh calling it a pile of shit...I'll just call it a pile. The brunch is supposed to be a drag queen gospel brunch but when we were there they were getting ready for, I think, Ms. Gay St. Louis but I could be mistaken. The drag queen brunch definitely would of been a bonus and distracted me from eating this bummer pile. The plate was loaded with breakfast potatoes, I've never seen so many breakfast potatoes on a plate in my life, and the bummer was that they were absent on the first day of flavor school so you were just loading up on flavorless cubes. The chili was homemade but it would of been better off it was from a can which is one of the rudest things I've ever said. And on top was some cheese, onions and two eggs that actually were cooked over easy with a yolk explosion so good job there. While there was a tiny bit of meat in the chili this slinger was missing a meat center piece. A huge missed opportunity here, you serve good burgers, put one of them on here and have a good slinger. I would gladly pay the extra cost to have a legit slinger and not a piece of shit pile.

Also they have the slowest and some of the weirdest/worst tasting coffee I've ever seen in my life. There was a single 12-cup pot at the bar which I think took 20 minutes to brew a pot. I'm no restauranteur nor do I own a 12-cup coffee maker but I think if I served brunch in my burger place I would invest $25 and get at least another brewer. Sorry for the coffee rage slinger fans but a bad slinger with worse coffee makes Tony a dull boy.

While Hamburger Mary's does serve a quality burger they serve a piece of shit pile of a slinger. Our friend Denny was there and got something called a Truck Stop and he liked it but he's selfish and didn't share any of it so I'll have take his word for it. So take a risk and go there for brunch the next time your parents are in town so they can have a great time at the drag queen gospel brunch

Tim's Review: Maybe Tony and I are just unlucky and happened to pick the worst possible day to go, because the Sunday we were there seemed to be a big exception to everything that normally happens. The drag queen brunch they have every Sunday, was not that Sunday. They also have some kind of all you can drink special every Sunday that sounded kind of awesome, but not on that Sunday. MAYBE, the slingers there normally have one of those big fat juicy burgers that they are named for, but just not on that Sunday. I just can't except the fact that HAMBURGER Mary's slinger does not have a HAMBURGER in it. I'm done talking about Hamburger Mary's.

On a brighter note, I am once again going to mention how awesome the Olivette Diner is. I made my third trip back there this past weekend and I'm officially making this my favorite diner in town. You might ask, “WTF dude?! if the Olivette Diner is so fucking awesome, why is their slinger not in your top10? I know, I know, it seems a little unfair to me too, but a top 10 slinger has insanely high standards now. The Olivette Diner had its brief moment in the top 10 and it is a great slinger, but there are many other prize pieces on their menu. For this past trip I went with the breakfast burrito and guess what? One of the best damn breakfast burritos I have ever had. I'm already trying to decide what I'm having the next time I go there.   

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