Stop #38: Melt

Tony's Review: Oh Melt, I wanted to love this slinger so bad, I really did. You work so hard with what you have and you manage to make a slinger waffle using only a waffle iron to cook the ingredients, which is incredible in itself (I assume the chili is cooked off site somewhere and brought in). However, in the world of slingers, while unique, this one sucked.

Melt is a cool place in way south city, I think the neighborhood is the Patch, that serves waffles every which way. They just introduced the slinger waffle and a friend of the blog, Matt Harnish, was quick to notify us. I had been here once before and thought the waffles were ok and the slinger waffle follows suit. Featuring a pretty average waffle covered in homemade chili that was easily the best thing on the plate, topped with onion, eggs and two eggs cooked on a waffle iron which gives them a weird ass texture that isn't very pleasant. Again, Melt doesn't have the full kitchen to cook a proper slinger and they did their best with what they have. I'd put them in the top 10 for being creative but they will come nowhere near the top 10 in the flavor arena mainly due to the ok waffle and the space eggs.

Tim's Review: Like Tony, I really, really wanted to like this place. I only heard about Melt a month or two ago from a friend and it sounded like it could really be special. Maybe even shake up the top ten. A slinger with a waffle underneath! That's sounds amazing!! Unfortunately, it just didn't live up to its expectations.

I think there's a reason people don't normally cooked eggs on a waffle iron: it just doesn't work. One egg was undercooked and too runny, the other was burnt with a completely solid yolk. The chili reminded me of the last time I ordered one of those coney island dogs at Sonics. For some reason I got a mad craving for a chili dog and at the time the only thing open was Sonics. What a disappointment! I haven't been back to Sonics since. Then there's the sorry waffle, the secret weapon in Melt's slinger that was going to make this thing a hit. Probably one of the thinnest waffles I've ever had. It could be that I'm a little spoiled after eating at the Olivette diner, which serves up the Cadillac of waffles. Maybe it's true what they say about waffles: Once you go Belgian, you never go back.

Enough about Melt. On a slightly related topic, I went to the Shack the other day. A new spot in Mid-town, right in the middle of the SLU campus. The Shack-wich may be one of my new favorite sandwiches in town. I only bring up the shack because not only was it absolutely delicious, but I also noticed they had chili, burgers, fries, eggs...... all the ingredients for a top notch slinger. If anybody knows anybody at the Shack, make it happen!

Stop #37: Soulard Coffee Garden

Tony's Review: We finally made it to one of my favorite breakfast spots—Soulard Coffee Garden.  Featuring off the wall breakfast items like: eggs, coffee, omelets and even breakfast potatoes!

This slinger is a true first class plate of trash. Let them load you up with top of the line steak chili, couple of sausage patties, eggies, breakfast potatoes and cheese—no onion because they know you have a date after you eat. I've had this one about 5 times and every time I think the same thing...this steak chili is great but there is way too much of it, it's always watery as hell and meat lovers beware theres too much damn steak in it. The potatoes are good but not the best, the sausage doesn't overwhelm which is nice for a change and the eggs and cheese blend nicely. Cover the whole thing with some premo Cholula and you're in business. But I keep going back to that chili which again is really good, probably great on its own, but in the big boy slinger it overwhelms. The slinger does work really well together even with some of my tuxedo concerns but I've earned my damn tuxedo at this point.

I do love this place and this might make it to the bottom top 10 if I remember to update the list that is. Don't be a chump and eat at this fucking place.

Tim's Review: Let me start off by saying that I really like the Soulard Coffee Garden. I like it a whole lot. I've had the huevos rancheros, some pancakes with blueberries or something mixed in, and I think I had the eggs benedict too. All excellent breakfast plates. I might even say that this is one of my favorite all around breakfast spots (behind Olivette diner). So what the hell is the problem with the slinger?

Steak chili sounds like a great idea, but for some reason this thing just doesn't impress. Maybe everything else on the menu is so great that I just set the expectation a little to high for this slinger. Soulard Coffee garden should easily be able to make the top ten. I forgot to mention I've also had the biscuit and gravy, which is the best biscuit and gravy dish by a mile. If this were instead a tour of the most badass biscuits and gravy in town, the Soulard Coffee Garden would jump right to the top of the list. I feel like eating a giant bowl of these biscuits and gravy right now and then going home and napping for 11 hours.

True Inspiration

Thanks co-worker and friend Christian Fricke for reminding me why I do this. 

Stop #36: Jack Patrick's

Tony's Review: What better way to end a Thanksgiving weekend full of eating like a king then with a slinger? Tim and I headed downtown for a Monday night date, we rented a limo, wore matching white tuxedos and rooted for our favorite Monday Night Football teams to win the game. We've been putting this one off and for a while mainly because they are open late and we expected it to suck...which it didn't.

This slinger is the perfect bar slinger, it doesn't fuck around and doesn't care what it's "supposed to be" and works with what it has in the kitchen. No hash browns, only homemade potato chips, descent bar burger topped with soft pub cheese, a Tony favorite, chili and another Tony favorite fried crispy onions. No egg on this one although it probably would of made this even better. I will say the foil in the paper tray did suck and I was in constant fear of getting foil on my fork and eating some tasty foil but I got lucky. Maybe they're working on an updated menu item, Fear Slinger, sounds pretty good.

Even though we were expecting Jack Patrick's to completely turf out they actually came through on a solid bar slinger, will it be in the top ten? Fuck no but if you're stuck at this place before a sports game you may as well have diarreha at that sports game.

Tim's Review: How do we end up at all these sports bars in search of slingers? I'm no expert in watching sports, but I thought you were supposed to munch on hot wings and nachos and shit like that.

Like Tony said, we've been trying to ignore this place for quite a while now. I know every place wants to have their own special style of slinger, but no egg? What the fuck. You can make your special potatoes, throw in different kinds of meat, and whip up some crazy chili with pinto beans or whatever, but the egg is the one thing you can't fuck with in the slinger. What the hell makes Jack Patrick's thinks they're to good for a simple fried egg? And then there's that goddamn foil. Sooooo annoying. Maybe Jack Patrick's can team up with Humphrey's and they can place a big order of plates and silverware together and they'll get a price break for buying in bulk.

So even though Jack Patrick's gave me plenty to complain about, it's true, the slinger really wasn't that bad. Maybe if the Blues ever play again and I feel like picking foil out of my teeth while burping up chili and onions, I know where to go. 

Stop #35: Billie's Fine Foods

Tony's Review: Now I don't know a ton about Soulard, nor do I spend a lot of time there but this place is a tiny and extremely hidden diner. Pretty straightforward in terms of diners and I wish we would of gone hear earlier in the tour when we trying to hit all of the diners at once but we blew it. Please stop yelling at us.

Billie's sticks to the classics with their giant slinger with zero thrills, potatoes, sausage, chili and eggs, we even had to add cheese and onion which actually turned out to be a mistake. They overloaded this thing with cheese that sucked and way too many onions, the picture doesn't do it justice with how much crap was on here.

Again, this review would of been more interesting if we had eaten it in the beginning of the tour but now it just falls flat. Billie's does seem like a legit place that is open late on the weekends (but you have to deal with Soulard bros) and the service was awesome here, like the great Steve Brule says, "Check it out, ya dingus."

Tim's Review: 
We haven't been to an old school diner like this in a while and with a name like Billie's Fine Food, it's not really what I was expecting. What's with these old bags at diner's always trying to act like they're the meanest, rudest, sassiest bitches around? That old lady, Rose, that worked at Tiffany's would stare you down like she was about to kill you. Then there was the other old lady at Tiffany's, that looked exactly like Rose, who thought she was tough shit. I'm not scared of these granny's for a second. They always give the best service. My point is, despite the intimidating sign on the wall, Billie's is a nice, super friendly place. Maybe this Mary bitch had the day off.

Their slinger was your standard plate of slop. I wish I would have kept my damn mouth shut about the cheese and onions, because they piled waaaaaaay to much of that shit on there. Then there was the toast buried under everything. Not sure exactly what the problem was because other slingers have done this before and it turned out fine. This toast was instantly soggy and had to be pushed to side.

Overall, Billie's seemed like decent place. I would just never, ever get the slinger again.  

Stop #34: The Mud House

Tony's Review: Hi Jesus, it's me Tony...just want to say thank you for giving us this day our daily slinger.

The Mud House is easily one of St. Louis' best and more importantly, most consistent places for breakfast for as long as I can remember. This place is usually busy with Q-Tips (Grams and Gramps), visiting parents and cool guys and girls just like you, you cool reader, but don't fret cranky pants it's worth the wait. I've purposefully held off on eating the slinger here in anticipation of this tour and I'm glad I did.

To start the slinger is only $6.50 which is crazy cheap especially for a classy joint like the Mud House (add bacon for $2 which is a mandatory unless you are a dummy and vegetarian). I mean just look at that arty photo up there and you can see how good it is, The egg for once is the star of the show, perfectly cooked and carefully placed on top of Flavor Mountain, USA. Below that is a vegetarian black bean chili, roasted potatoes, little bit of cheese and onion (this is where the bacon comes in handy which was thick and tasty as hell). Even the toast that came with was awesome and not just Wonder Bread like most places. The whole thing just worked so well together and every bite was top notch, it wasn't too big and for once on this tour I wish it was a little bigger so I could get fatter eating it.

Now by no means is this a traditional slinger, which I learned after eating this slinger doesn't even matter any more, every thing on the plate was awesome and it worked great as a whole. I don't care if places use fancy ingredients, change things and call it a slinger, Mud House has taught me that none of that matters. I thought about this a lot but knew pretty much by the end of the meal that this was my new #1 slinger. Congratulations Mud House there's a new hip slinger in town, he's an Aquarius, he's vegetarian and ladies...he's single.

Tim's Review: Before a nice long day of antiquing on Cherokee, there's no better place for breakfast than the Mud House. I've been here a handful of times before and this place hasn't failed me yet. I've had the french toast: it's fucking great, the breakfast burrito: one of the best, and the slinger is no exception.

Perhaps one of the most beautifully cooked eggs I've ever had, with a nice little crisp around the edges and a perfectly runny yolk. Instead of the normal slinger plate that has everything swimming underneath a gallon of chili, the egg sits on top of roasted potatoes and black bean chili (which I believe is also in the awesome breakfast burrito I was talking about earlier). I can only suspect that the egg sits on top because it is so goddamn pretty. No offense to the chili, but the egg is the star of this show. Besides that egg, the great thing about this plate is that it was the perfect mix of everything and I actually felt good after eating it. You also have the option of adding three, big fat strips of bacon, and if you don't add the bacon, you're a jackass. The bacon is worth every penny.

I knew after just a few bites, this thing was top ten material for sure, but it was up against some stiff competition. After some long deep thought, and reminiscing about many plates of chili, it lands in 4^th place. Unfortunately, this means the Olivette Diner is booted from the list. But this does not mean you shouldn't go eat there. I happened to make a second trip out there this past weekend to chow down on that giant ass waffle I saw the menu. Holy Shit!!! take a look at this:

Stop #33: The Piccadilly at Manhattan

Tony's Review: Never been to the Piccadilly at Manhattan located in a weird part of the city that I've never been to and probably won't ever be back to. This place is in the middle of what I assume is a weird neighborhood where all of the people cram into a small restaurant with a weird name and eat expensive weird food. And if anyone reading this lives in this neighborhood...it's probably time to move and join civilization again, Domino's has a new pan pizza that you gotta try.

Technically this wasn't even a slinger, it was a "Slinger Benedict" which is bullshit because the only thing Benedict about it was the poached egg, probably just an excuse to charge you $12 for it. They blew a chance to throw on some hollandaise sauce or something else whacky. Instead we got a very dainty serving of hash browns, burger, poached egg, chili, shredded cheese and bacon. I would think that a place as "fancy" as would invest in some bold flavors from Guy Fieri but they must of missed him when he was in town because this turfed out on flavor in almost every dept. The bacon was good which pretty much doesn't count, the burger was well cooked but had zero flavor, and the rest of it just blended in to a mess of nothing. The fruit on the side was really good so my heart thanks them for that. All in all when you're gonna charge the big $12 for a slinger you better deliver a $12 slinger and not a flavor lacking poached egg.

Tim's Review: I'm right on the same page as Tony on this one. I've never been to the Picadilly, in fact I've never even heard of the place. Which is a little odd since it's probably less than 3 miles from my house and according to the menu it's been open for somewhere around 100 years. Then I figured it out. I haven't heard of this place because it sucks. It doesn't suck like “dude, that was the worst shit this I've ever had!”. It was just tasteless food to fill my belly.

The menu really gave this thing some hype. Just the name “Slinger Benedict” sounds promising, but I couldn't really tell any difference between this benedict and a regular over easy egg. Then there was the “Hash brown cakes”. I think that's the most delicious sounding name possible for hash browns. I could only think of those amazing hash brown patty's you get at the Buttery (still some of the best hash browns around). But just like the egg, the name makes them sound better then they really are. These were regular, boring hash browns. The bacon was really good, but it's bacon and only the Market Pub House can be dumb enough to disappoint with bacon.

This thing definitely sounded like it was going to be good, but I wasn't fooled. I will say congrats to the Picadilly though, for somehow sticking around for so many years. They must be getting a good amount of people to come back, but I won't be one of them.   

Stop #32: Humphrey's

Tony's Review: Located in the heart of the SLU campus lies a deep fried bar called Humphrey's. Home of everything deep fried and an overdose of SLU memorabilia and photos from past alums. We had to set an alarm to eat this slinger since they only serve breakfast to 11am, pretty sure this was the first alarm slinger we've had, as you can see we're pretty dedicated to our loyal fan base. Luckily we beat the breakfast rush as we were the only people in the bar and were greeted by the scents of way too many cleaning chemicals from what I assume was an awesome time the night before.

Pretty standard slinger here, hash browns, cheeseburger, eggs, chili, cheese, toast and bonus breakfast potatoes all served on a styrofoam plate, very classy. Not sure why it came with hash browns and breakfast potatoes but it should of stuck with the breakfast potatoes cause the hash browns lacked any sort of flavor. The cheeseburger was pretty good with some powerful cheesy bites, chili was average and they get a cheese five for putting thick ass rope cheese on top of the chili bringing it to a dairy overload. To be honest I thought for sure this slinger was gonna suck but it actually ended up being a solid average slinger. Not taking the trip to the top 10 but not a bad choice if you want to wake up at 9:30am to eat a styrofoam plate full of shit.

Tim's Review: Tony wasn't exaggerating, we were the ONLY idiots waking up early on Sunday for the brunch at Humphrey's. This is the kind of place where you come to watch sports, drink beer, and hi five your buddies. I really doubt anyone has ever said “hey, I'm in the mood for a kick-ass meal. Let's go to Humphrey's!”. The food at Humphrey's is just a little trick to keep you there drinking and hi fiving longer.

Well surprise, surprise, this shit actually wasn't too bad. This was really close to tasting like a classic diner slinger, something along the lines of Courtesy diner. Good chili, nice cheesy burger's, but the two potato thing is just plain dumb. Pick a style, make it good, and stick with it. Not that either of the two potatoes were particularly bad, but the breakfast potatoes were easily the better of the two, so the hash browns were just unnecessary. I'm not sure why, but the styrofoam plates were so annoying. Is it too much to ask for some goddamn plates! I felt like my plastic knife was going break trying cut up the burger.

So bottom line, I guess this place was worth a try. It was ok, not great, but I'm not mad about eating there either. I can't really see myself back here anytime soon.

Stop #31: Rooster

Tim's Review: Finally!! A gravy slinger that is worth a damn. I've never eaten at Rooster before, but I've heard good things. I didn't let myself get too excited about it though because whenever that happens I set myself up for a huge let down. Until I sat down, I completely forgot that Tony already told me this was a gravy slinger. I read the menu and immediately got really, really sad. I wasn't exactly a fan of the gravy slingers to begin with, and all the nasty gravy crap we've had on this tour so far wasn't changing my mind.

This has been the best gravy slinger by a mile. Instead of that crappy, thick, white gravy that all the other chumps use, Rooster uses a brown sausage gravy. All you other jerks that decide to pour gravy all over the plate, take note: this brown gravy shit is 100 times better than your white gravy shit. Underneath all that blessed gravy, were some great potatoes, a nice egg with a runny yolk, and a big fat piece of toast that was perfect with all that gravy I was just talking about. No biscuits (which is a good thing)!!! The only thing I can bitch about with this plate is that the andouille sausage was a bit too much for me. It was really good and had great flavor, but I think it was just too strong and over powered everything else on the plate. Plus, it was really thick and got a little annoying to chew. I think a good burger patty or maybe a couple of regular sausage links would do just fine. That brown sausage gravy is doing all the work here.

I never expected a gravy slinger to push its way into my top ten, but Rooster really impressed and squeezed into 9^th on my list.

Tony's Review: First off, I don't know how Tim has never eaten at Rooster before, this place is a St. Louis breakfast must eat, he clearly isn't cut out for this. I've eaten here numerous times and to be honest I think I've gotten the slinger here all but two times. This specific slinger is long rumored to be the creation of our dear budman, Andy, who worked at Rooster during the time of its creation. Whether or not he was the main man or just the guy who brought the eggs up from the basement is to be determined...either way he was part of something great.

Tim pretty much summed up all of the main points to this slinger, an excellent gravy slinger that is above most other gravies. For me the highlights were the bread at the bottom and the gravy, I agree with Tim about the Andouille sausage being a little too much after a while and also the potatoes at Rooster always leave a little to be desired. None the less, as a whole, this slinger is top notch and is a good place to bring a babe if you're trying to impress her with your culinary knowledge. 

Stop #30: Local Harvest

Tony's Review: 30 big ones! 30 big piles of trash! 30 big pounds gained! Not really, we're experts at this...we don't gain weight like amateurs. This week we go to the heart of downtown and visit the new Local Harvest, you can still suffer in their tiny, annoying restaurant on Morganford or you can stretch your legs (and dick) in their spacious new downtown location in the old post office building. This place really pushes the whole local angle which a lot of people care about, lucky for you Tim and I don't give a shit about that crap so we won't bore you with where the garbanzo beans came from.

This is another vegetarian slinger, aka a hippie slinger, which personally doesn't bother me but I do enjoy the warm grasp of meat on my arteries. But like some of the previous veggie slingers we've had this one didn't fuck around and took me to a place I like to call, Flavor Country, USA. This was the first slinger we've had in a long time that came with toast which are always bonus points in our book. Start off with some good but overly mushy potatoes as your base, there could of been a little more of these but it didn't ruin it by any means. The eggs were good and cooked properly and cover that shit with some homemade, veggie chili bursting with garbanzo beans and other bold flavors, it was top notch. Then they cover that with mozzarella cheese...what?...mozzerelli belongs on 'za and 'za rollers not slingers, but in this case I didn't notice or care, it worked.

Local Harvest surprised me with their sweet new location and their sweet slinger. I would definitely recommend this to any of youz guyz out there especially if you want to impress your new girlfriend with your high class, hippie tastes.

Disclaimer: We noticed after we ordered that the slinger had a bacon option for an additional fee...I bet that would of made this even better so don't blow it like we did. Take your time dummy!

Tim's Review: This is one of those stops that I wasn't exactly looking forward to. I've never had the slinger here before, but I did hear from an insider that said it was “a little weird” (by insider, I'm referring to a former employee, who is also my neighbor (woop! Woop!)). Describing a meal as “weird” might sound like we are headed for disaster, but in this case, “weird” turned out to be a great surprise.

Since I didn't want to waste any time looking at the menu, it took me a minute to even realize this was a vegetarian slinger. This vegetarian chili was fan-fuckin-tastic! Honestly, I don't even think I realized what the chili was made of until Tony spelled it out. Good thing he's a slow eater and actually pays attention. All the parts of this slinger were done right and the nice crispy piece of toast on the side made me realize how many slinger's we've eaten that don't have any toast at all. That's a little bullshit in my opinion. One slice of bread, toasted and cut in half. It's probably the easiest part of any slinger, but it's pretty awesome when you can use it to soak up some bad ass chili. Sometimes I'll load up the fork with a little bit of everything and slide it across the top of that toast like some beautiful, brown, lumpy spread. Mmmmmm I'm getting hungry thinking about it.

Although Local Harvest isn't going to make it into the top ten, this was a quality effort and I would suggest any slinger fan to give it a try. A small stretch from the traditional slinger but they make it work and if this thing came with a solid burger patty in the mix it just may have squeezed its way onto the list.

Stop #29: Pat's Bar & Grill

Tony's Review: Well I've never been to Pat's before this, I've had people they tell me that they have good burgers—they might—but as far as slingers go they pretty much fucking suck. This is an "exclusive" Sunday slinger only so make sure you guys set your alarms so you can wake up and eat cheese covered shit.

First of this thing is called an Irish Slinger, I have no idea why there wasn't a damn thing Irish about it had all the toppings of a normal slinger except all of them sucked. It didn't say it would come with hashbrowns on the menu but surprise, surprise there they were on the plate! Oh what's that? They were cooked 6 days ago, they're rock hard and taste like flavorless brick strips! Wowee Zowee! On top of that layer of gold were three gross, oddly thick, sausage patties that were probably microwaved. The chili wasn't pure garbage, I would say it was 72% garbage so we had that going for us. The one thing Pat's did figure out what to do was to cover that filth with about 2lbs of some kind of white cheese, didn't taste like mozzarella, maybe it's a Pat's exclusive cheese made with cat's milk?

While this slinger was pure garbage I don't feel it truly qualifies to be entered in the mega VIP "Hall of Shit" but it is knocking on the shit-covered door, maybe I'm just grumpy. Like I said before Pat's didn't seem like that bad of a place, I hope they do have a good burger, just don't waste your time on their bullshit "Irish" slinger.

Tim's Review: Pat's.......What a mess. No time to mess around here so lets just jump right in: This slinger sucked. I can't really think of one positive thing to say about Pat's. So even though Tony and I clearly have an agenda for these little meetings, I usually take a quick a look at the menu anyway. You never know, something might catch my eye and I might have to make a trip back. For the record, that is not going to happen with Pat's.

The description of slinger said “3 eggs...” ooohhhh, that sounds great, I love eggs, but then there was the whole hash brown fuck up. The sausage patties didn't help the situation and the chili, the one thing that is supposed to bring all this crap together, was absolutely gross. All that excitement about the extra egg was completely destroyed by the disappointment that was brought on by the rest of the stale shit.

I'm sure I've explained plenty of times how I'm a little piggy and tend stop eating about 27 bites after my belly tells me I'm full. Well, I couldn't even finish half of this shit. That's a bad sign. Like Tony said, Pat's isn't going to make it into the hall of shit, but it sure seemed like it was trying.   

Stop #28: Benton Park Cafe

Tim's Review: I've been to Benton Park Cafe so many times, this wasn't really much of an event. Although I've never had their slinger, I've had just about everything else on the menu, so I pretty much knew what to expect. This is one those biscuit and gravy types that I'm not really a big fan of to begin with. It was good, but just really not my style. I had no idea there would be so many goddamn biscuits when I signed up for this tour. I like biscuits, I just never realized they found their way on to so many slinger plates.

The best part of this guy was definitely the bacon. Nice and crispy, just the way I like it. I might say some of the best bacon on the tour, next to Copia. I even snatched up some of Tony's bacon. That guy almost never finishes a plate! The biscuits and gravy part of it was actually pretty good too and now that I think back, probably the some of the best biscuits on the tour. But that's not saying much considering any slinger with a biscuit so far has completely sucked (12^th street diner, kickers corner). I was also a big fan of the potatoes, and I just realized they were in a separate bowl. Why didn't I mix that shit up!! Ohhh well.

So despite my lack of enthusiasm for this slinger, the simple fact that I'm a repeat customer will have to tell you that I like this place, but I'm just not really excited about it anymore. I'm sure I'll eat there again, but I'm sticking with the breakfast pizza.

Tony's Review: You dorks probably thought we forgot about the coveted Benton Park Cafe! HA! We were just saving this for when we needed to eat a good slinger. This place is easily one of the best places to get breakfast in St. Louis and if you're Mom is in town take her here, she will love it...at least my Mom did. Like Tim I've been here a ton of times and will continue to come here for a solid breakfast and this place has one of my pre-tour favorite slingers.

Like Tim said this is one of those biscuit and gravy slingers so it may not be for everyone but I personally like a good biscuit and gravy slinger. Benton Park has some of my favorite biscuits, not like the flaky ones you fruits like but a nice, dense as shit beer biscuit that will put hair on your butt. This slinger is totally covered in awesome gravy that I'm sure is slowly killing me. The eggs were fine as usual and the change of bacon really fits this well versus having a burger in there. Normally their hashbrowns are some of the best in the city all full of creaminess and bold flavors but when we were there, Sunday at din-din time, they were some of the worst I've had there. Clearly these potatoes are meant to be enjoyed at breakfast hours and not long after. If you're there when the potatoes are good you should mix them up like Tim said, but in this particular case I'm glad I didn't.

Unlike Tim I love the Benton Park Slinger, even though this particular time wasn't the best I've had, it is always one of my top picks for a B&G slinger. And if you haven't been to the Benton Park Cafe yet you are not a true St. Louis resident and you need to get your ass over there pronto you jabroni. 

Stop #27: Lemmon's

Tony's Review: What! Lemmon's! I thought they only served pizza, wings and some other non-slinger crap. Well you are correct. We had the exclusive honor of being treated to a VIP only...Slinger Pizza created lovingly by St. Louis' own Denny Dyer. Denny debated for weeks on the proper way to execute such a high profile task and spoiler alert—he nailed it.

He decided not to go with the thin crust but go all the way with a large Chicago-style pizza with middle toppings of cheese, bacon, jalapeno, hamburger and onion and on top of that was your layer of over easy eggs, chili and an unreal amount of cheddar and I'm probably missing an ingredient. This thing was over the top everything, huge in size, probably weighed 8lbs. and was intimidating to say the least. Luckily we had some friends to destroy this thing and I was barely able to finish my one slice let alone having two, Tim tried to eat two but he ended up just wasting pizza...what a slob.

Honestly I was reluctant about this slinger pizza, I mean this just look at that picture it screams "instant diarrhea" and "you won't make it home" but I accepted the challenge, I'm glad I did and my pants are clean! Denny nailed the crust, super crispy and it helped contain all of that garbage on top of it. The flavors were surprisingly evenly distributed with highlight bites of tasty bacon. One of the bigger accomplishments was getting the eggs to work, they didn't have the runny yolk like we had hoped but they still had a good thing going. This thing was really good, I'm happy to have a bud that would work so hard to make a trash pile like this slinger pizza. If you want to try the elusive slinger pizza talk to Denny at Lemmon's and if you give him $100 maybe he'll think about it.

Tim's Review:

I wasn't afraid of this thing for a second. This was actually my third slinger pizza from Lemmons and I say it like I'm bragging, but I probably just sound like a disgusting pig. I don't even know why that first one was made. I think Denny just gets bored at work and starts looking for stuff in the kitchen to throw in a pizza . I remember one time he made a pizza with fruit on it.... it was a little weird. They can't all be a raging success.

You want to know what was great about this Lemmons slinger? It had all the great qualities of the classic Lemmons deep dish: it was massive, it was filled to the top of that thick ass crust with mouth watering goodies, and after once slice you feel instantly tired and depressed. I think Tony actually started sweating a few minutes after he finished. I did try to eat two pieces, but I wouldn't really call it a waste. No one else was going to eat that shit. Besides, the only reason I didn't finish it was because I'm trying to exercise a little self control. Once I made the mistake of participating in a pizza eating contest with a co-worker. We each ordered our own large deep dish at Lemmons to see who could eat the most. I only ate 5 ½ slices so I lost. So embarrassing.

I'm sure it'd be nice if you could all try this delicious treat that Lemmons doesn't have to offer, but I'd rather you not go ask Denny to make it for you, for the simple reason that I would not feel as special. If this were a real menu item that every chump could enjoy, I'd put it in the top ten for sure.    

Stop #26: Sandrina's

Tim's Review: Another day, another mediocre slinger. Sandrina's is normally one those places you end up when you've had too much to drink at a 1:30 bar and start making poor decisions. This place always....ALWAYS smells like deep fryer! In the past, when I would push my way through the crowd after 1:00 am, everyone was smoking, the kitchen has been going all day, I'll let it slide. But when it's 6:00 pm on a Thursday with 5 people sitting at bar, what's the deal?? Get some air circulating in there.

Aside from the smell, Sandrina's isn't a terrible place. Their slinger wasn't bad, but I'd rate it slightly below average. For some reason they really hold back on the chili and tease you with pathetic 2 tablespoons worth. The chili was actually pretty good, probably the best part about this plate. Plus, it's a slinger, get a ladle and slop that shit on there! I want the rest of my breakfast swimming in that chili. The home fries was the other thing that really annoyed me about this plate. They were potatoes, diced up pretty small and overcooked, so they were a little crunchy. Normally that's not too much of an issue, but with crunchy potatoes and minimal amounts of chili, it was next to impossible to mix this thing up and the potatoes kept falling off the fork. Had there been a healthy amount of chili on there, the home fries would just need a few minutes to get nice and soggy and we wouldn't have any problems.

Maybe if we were back in week 12, Sandrina's might have made top ten, but at this point in game, slightly below average just won't cut it.

Tony's Review: Tim almost summed this up perfectly but he left out the burger! What an asshole! The burger on the slinger wasn't bad, it was a big, thick homemade patty that had a decent flavor but lacked a bit on the slinger. The potatoes were tiny and crispy but I didn't mind them as much as baby pants Tim. One thing I do agree on is the lack of chili on this, if it was a slinger burger it would of been fine but it was served on a plate with tons of room to put that poo poo juice (aka chili) all over the plate.


Overall it wasn't bad but it was forgettable, I'm sure there are better things on the menu to fix your hunger at 2:25 in the morning. And sorry about the photos the lighting in this place sucked. 

Stop #25: Copia

Tony's Review: For our 25th anniversary Tim and I decided to go somewhere fancy and very romantic. No we didn't go to Pasta House but we did have a very private lunch at Copia on Washington. This place oozes class from only offering their slinger during lunch, accommodating wait staff and only cloth towels in the bathroom. Whoa. Our friend Greg has been bugging the hell out of us to check this place out and claiming it's the best slinger he's had...well Greg now you can leave us alone.

This baby pulled out all the stops on it's way to Flavorville, USA and adding real bacon strips to the mix was top notch, Market Pub House should take note how a classy place does bacon. The slinger was surprisingly traditional offering two cheeseburger patties, over easy eggs, home fries, homemade chili, cheese and the previously mentioned bacon. No onions on this one, you probably have an important meeting if you're eating at this place for lunch. The burgers may be some of the best we've had so far, they somehow captured the taste of a diner burger but made it 1,000% better and they were full of awesome cheesy bites. Bonus points were added when I started cutting up the bacon and adding them to my burger bites, aka bacon chee. Really all of the ingredients were great, potatoes were well cooked and seasoned, eggs were good and the chili had a really nice taste though it would have been nice if there were more chili on that big plate.

We debated if this was the coveted new number one, which is high praise already, after some debate it comes close but won't grab the crown. First, this thing costs $13 which is good for a restaurant like Copia but fucking insane for a slinger. And there was something missing from the slinger it could of been the onions but I think it was how it was served with all of the ingredients on their own only joined by the chili, maybe if they stacked it and let all the bold flavors get to know each other it could of been even better. Without a doubt this was one of the best we've eaten and there were only picky things about this one so if you're a millionaire you should check this one out.

Tim's Review: I've had a couple people tell me that Tony and I are kind of mean in this blog. My only defense for that is: “hey, we've choked down a lot of shitty slingers!” They do make me a little angry sometimes (I'm looking at you Market pub house). Luckily, that's not always the case. Every once in a while, we eat something great. Copia was definitely a high point on the tour and I left happy.

I'm pretty much on board with everything Tony said on this one so I'll be quick. Every ingredient on this plate was top notch. I still feel like I could have used a little more chili, but this thing was probably a perfect size. I really don't need to stuff my face with crazy amounts of chili in the middle of the day, then go back to work and pretend like I'm not a piggy. Shhhhhhh. I actually didn't even notice the missing onions until I read Tony's review, so obviously they weren't really needed anyway. I do need to emphasize how awesome that burger was though. This is one of the very few burgers we've had that I would actually love to eat outside of the slinger. On a bun, melted cheese, lettuce, tomato, and if that bacon was there, I'd be in heaven.

So the line bottom line: Copia delivers a great slinger and a solid contender, but you got to pay for this masterpiece. It's definitely worth a try, but when someone else can serve up a comparable plate for close to half the price, I can't say I will choose Copia on a regular basis.  After some serious thought, Copia is the third best slinger around.

Stop #24: Market Pub House

Tony's Review: Well it's finally happened, Tim and I are in complete disagreement on a slinger and it only took 6 months to happen. I've been to the Market Pub House in the Loop once before we went for our Sunday Brunch slinger, it was only for drinks and it was probably one of the worst places I've been to. Not for the usual reasons like full of jocks, too smokey or bad food/service it just had the worst overall atmosphere which didn't make me want to get drunk with my buds, that shit don't fly. But I had to return for the slinger which is only served on Sunday and comes with a free mimosa, one bonus point.

The slinger was a far step from traditional consisting of biscuits, sausage, tater tots, cheese, eggs, sort of bacon and white gravy but still had the tradition of piling a bunch of garbage onto a plate and calling it a slinger. I personally don't mind the "biscuit and gravy" slinger approach and find it a nice change of pace from the normally disappointing chili and burger experience. The biscuits were pretty lackluster but they didn't totally suck and the gravy I really liked, it wasn't that pre-made white crap that a lot of places serve that is always lame. As usual the eggs were basically just eggs, not the best not the worst. Now onto the problem areas, first the sausage, while it tasted good there weren't patties or links on there it was just a few random chunks of meat that showed up from time to time to remind you that you were barely eating it. Second the tater tots, again they tasted good and weren't as problematic as the previous tots we had from Marley's mainly because I had about 5 of them on the slinger. And finally there's the bacon on top which was a complete joke, it was old busted ass bacon and I think someone actually cut up a 1/4" of a real slice of bacon and drizzled it over eggs.

Even though I think this place is pretty whack as an actual bar/restaurant and the slinger had a few flaws to it, I still did enjoy eating it and I would mainly like thank the gravy for carrying the whole dish to the land of satisfaction.

Tim' review: Shit sandwich ................... ................... ...................................  ...........................Goddammit!!!! I really wanted to leave this at a two word review, but since Tony seemed to like this slop, I feel the need to explain myself.

For starters, this was the farthest thing from a slinger yet. It was biscuits and gravy with an egg and according to the menu, it's supposed to have tater tots in there. I can't tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing that they forgot mine. I'm pretty sure a few stupid tots would not have changed my mind about this garbage. Second: I know I've mentioned this a couple times in the blog before, but it's worth restating: Biscuits don't belong in a slinger! If you remember, 12^th Street Diner had biscuits in their slinger and they are in the hall of shit. To make it even worse, these biscuit completely sucked. You know those frozen breakfast meals you can get at the grocery store? Jimmy Dean sausage, egg and biscuit. Microwave ready in 30 seconds! I think market pub stole some biscuits from Jimmy Dean. And just so we're clear, Jimmy Dean frozen biscuits suck.

Let's see... what else...... how about the bacon? Bacon is always good right? Well Market pub managed to drop the ball with the bacon as well. Look at that picture. I think they cut one slice of bacon in half, chopped it up, and then split that up between me, Tony and two other tables. I'm pretty sure I ordered off the big boy menu, can I get at least one full slice of bacon?! We don't want to forget about the gravy. I guess I can see Tony's point of view and this gravy was probably the best thing on the plate, but it's all relative. Let's say I drop a turd into a hot dog bun, smother the whole thing in gravy and chow down like it's greatest summertime bbq ever. MMMmmm, the gravy is the best part! See what I'm saying?

So to sum it all up, this thing was junk all around. If you ask me, I would nominated this guy for the hall of shit. Oh yeah, and fuck that stupid mimosa!

Stop #23: Lafayette Fire Company

Tony's Review: Well, well, well look what we have here. A restaurant/bar run by local firefighters and paramedics? YOU BETCHA! This place was full of historic and current EMS stuff all over the place including custom photo tables which weren't distracting at all. But who cares about the decor right this isn't a St. Louis Interior Design blog is it! NO!

I had been to this place once before maybe two years ago and had some egg scramble thing that may have been one of the worst breakfasts I had suffered through at that point so going into this I had extremely low expectations. This slinger gave you the option of 1/2 lb. beef patty or two sausage patties...I'm a man so of course I chose the beef patty...and you had the choice of traditional hash browns or "home fries" I remembered the "home fries" from last time and they sucked so I when the classic route. As soon as that dumb waiter put the plate on the table I was impressed. The chili was great, super meaty and you could tell that a firefighter made it in the kitchen. Another slinger with jalapenos on it! I don't know if these restaurants are reading this blog and know that we love jalapenos on slingers but a lot of mother fucking places are doing this! It's 2012 put a jalapeno on it! The hash browns were spot on with their bold traditional flavors and once you mixed them up in the chili mess you knew you were doing things right. Now lets talk about the burger, a lot of places think that if you put a 1/2 lb. burger on a slinger its instantly good, well they're wrong. Again we had another slinger that was on the right track and dropped the ball with the burger. But to be fair the Lafayette Fire Company barely dropped the ball with their burger it was the least offensive "big" burger that we've had but it totally ruins the magic that happens on the plate. 

All in all I was really impressed with this slinger and these EMS people can make a good one. Not sure how the rest of the menu is but I'll give it another shot before I call 911 on that place. Boom.

Tim's Review: I was definitely not as excited about this place as my friend Tony. I guess that's why it took me so long to write about it. Tony is getting this huge boner over firman decorations and a mediocre slinger. Calm down dude. It was just ok. I'm not mad about eating there or anything, but I wouldn't say I was really impressed either. Let's just say there are plenty of other places that are my list to get back to before this one.

It had some pretty decent chili. Hash browns were the standard diner style. I think the only reason they were even good was because we haven't had hash browns like this in a while. Nothing special. I do think the jalapeno's are always a great addition. I guess I would say this is slightly above average as far as slingers go. It is worth emphasizing that the burger was the weak link once again. I think these places figure that with all the other crap you're dumping on top of this plate, the burger doesn't need to be anything special. If this dish had a good burger, it may have nudged its way into the top ten. Oh well. I'm done thinking about this slinger.

I did get to try some wings at this place though and they weren't bad. I brought my nephew along, and thought he might like to get down on his first slinger, but he's really into hot wings. He's only 12, but this kid is the hot wing king. You can get the 3 alarm wings if you're a sissy. My little buddy goes for the 5 alarm and he took them down like a champ. In between these “hot” wings, he was even taking in a few of my jalapeno's. I hope he remembers uncle Tim when he grows up and becomes a champion eater.   

Stop #22: Kicker's Corner

Tim's Review: Kicker's Corner is a nice little spot on South Broadway. I'm not so familiar with this area, but once I heard someone describe this part of town as “the armpit of st. louis”. I don't think that's really a compliment, but I like it. Kicker's Corner is kind of a dump. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Especially since the staff there were so nice. Just like at Bailey's Range, we got some special treatment at Kicker's Corner. They only serve the slinger on the breakfast menu, and I guess we came in after the official cut-off, but they were kind enough to make it anyway.

I feel like this place had some great potential, and I'll give them an A for effort, but it just didn't measure up. Let's remember that we are in week 22 now and we've experienced some quality slingers in the past few months. It's getting harder and harder to break into the top ten. The great part of this slinger was the potatoes. I don't exactly know what style these were. They weren't hash browns, they weren't diced, I guess I'd just call them breakfast potatoes?? I don't care what they're called. The point is they were cooked perfectly. Great texture, great flavor. The jalapeno's topping this slinger were also a great addition. The bummer about this plate was the burger. What the fuck was up with the burger? Probably one of the worst on the tour. So bad, that after a couple bites we just started eating around it. Problem solved, until I got a hunk burger on the fork by accident. Ahhhhh! It's even worse when it sneaks up on you. After I shoved a good portion of this mess down my throat, I was disgusted when I looked down and saw all that nasty burger juice lingering in the bottom of the bowl. The other gross part was the biscuit that was hiding under everything. 12^th St Diner pulled this same bullshit! I don't want a crappy biscuit soaking up all the chili, getting soggy and ruining my plate. It's completely uncalled for.

I don't want to leave a bad impression of this place. I'd like to come back for a happy hour sometime. On Monday and Wednesday, they have a cooler of “Fun beers” for $2.00. I saw some Blue Moon, some Limarita, not sure what other kind of beer is in there, but for $2.00, I'm sure you can find something you like. Kicker's Corner seemed like an alright place, but slingers just aren't their thing.

Tony's Review: I have also never been to Kicker's Corner nor do I often find myself that far south on Broadway but we've heard some things from our slinger friend Matt to check this place out. I liked the feel of the place and wouldn't call it a dump like that asshole Tim, it was clean and didn't smell like shit so it passes in my book. Like Tim said the staff were great and did give us the special treatment they must of recognized us from all of our internet fame.

This was easily one of the biggest slingers we've had so far, if not the biggest. The one thing that instantly caught my eye were the fresh jalapeño, also this was one of the best looking slingers we've seen. Tim talked about the potatoes perfectly, fresh, home made breakfast potatoes that were very good. Chili tasted pretty good and all of the toppings were really working together on the pile but then disaster struck...the burger. I took one bite and knew that this slinger was fucked, it started out so promising and then that asshole joined the party. It wasn't a case of not having a good flavor or improper seasoning I think this was some old ass nasty meat that should not of been served. So of course I had to take another bite to confirm that this tasted like a cat's asshole...turns out it did. And the biscuits at the bottom of the plate, again, after a couple bites you're like "Oh cool, biscuits" and then you realize the whole bottom of the plate is covered in this soggy shit and instantly you don't want to eat anymore.

I ended up just scraping the top off and enjoying all the edible toppings it's too bad this slinger was 50% great and 50% the grossest shit I've ever tasted. I'm sure the burger was a fluke and it probably tastes better than that but I'm not going back to risk it. If any of you extreme, Mountain Dew drinking, wakeboarders out there want to try it, leave a comment. 

Stop #21: Joe's Chili Bowl

Tony's Review: Well we made it to Joe's Chili Bowl before they decided to randomly close early again and I'm glad we did. This place is in the middle of CityGarden and has a ton of outdoor seating and is actually pretty nice. Double high five to the weather for not being 100 big ones so we could enjoy watching a bunch of little brats swimming in the water fountain (aka other kids pee).

The slinger covered all the bases and was huge, it was guaranteed that my little baby stomach wasn't gonna hold all of that trash. Biggest difference in this slinger was the use of french fries versus hash browns, while the fries were really good they still did get in the way when you try to shovel a complete bite in your mouth. The chili was great which is a huge relief when you're eating at a restaurant with chili in the name (Chili's should take fucking note). Eggs and toppings were prem-o with a good ratio of cheese and onions and those onions were tasty as hell. The biggest/weirdest thing about this thing were the two massive sausage patties that covered the entire bottom of the plate. Normally this would be pretty cool but the sausage had a really mild taste and obviously never graduated from Flavor University. And the size of them just really made it more obnoxious, if that had been burger patties or two smaller sausage patties this slinger could of easily been in top 5.

Even though we ran into some meat difficulties and they're pushing fries on you it was still a great slinger and you should check this place out before they close for good

Tim's Review: I've always had a good feeling about Joe's chili bowl. I thought this place was going to be great and I was right!! This place was a winner.  It's a damn shame that business doesn't seem to be going so great. We went on a Friday around 6:00 and there was maybe two other tables. I guess that means more chili for me.

I was a little skeptical about the fries at first. Don't get me wrong, I love fries, but I just wasn't so sure they have a place in a slinger. Well, Joe's chili bowl proves that fries work just fine. These fries were perfect! They weren't anything fancy. No crinkle cut, no curly non-sense, and waffle fries a overrated anyway. These were straight up, good eatin', fries.  I do have to agree with Tony that at first, it seems like they get in way. You go for a fork full of egg, chili, sausage... (I like to get the full boat on every bite) and the fries are sticking out all over the place.  I probably look like I jackass trying to bend all these fries into my mouth. Well, the great thing is, after a few minutes and good mix-up with your fork, the fries get all nice and soft, smothered in chili, and that takes care of that! I'll gladly welcome some fries in my slinger. The sausage was definitely the weak link here and, like Tony said, there just wasn't a whole lot of that spicy sausage kick. I actually thought they were burger patty's when I first took a bite.

I actually liked Joe's so much that I went back 3 days later. And guess what?? it was great the second time too! I wanted to get a better sample of the menu so I passed on the slinger and went with the chili cheese dog. Tell me how good that looks.

Stop #20: Bailey's Range

Tony's Review: Well once again downtown makes our civic duty of eating slingers more difficult. The plan was to go to Joe's Chili Bowl in City Garden but of course they were closed even though their hours said they were open late so we improvised and ended up at Bailey's Range.

Now I have been to the Range a few times and have very mixed feelings about it mainly due to inconsistencies but none the less they have a slinger burger...actually they don't have a slinger burger or at least not anymore, it was on the menu but they change their menu all the time and that one didn't survive. BUT since we were there on a week night and they were "slow" the waitress said that the kitchen could do it so I'll give them a high five for that.

Once we got the slinger burger I was surprised at how visually good it looked and turned on by how tall it was, size does matter. ©Godzilla, 1994. I'm not gonna lie to you I put on my sissy pants and cut this up with a fork and knife due to how tall it was, I don't care you can judge me, I'm civilized unlike that slob Tim. I was impressed with the flavor of the chili but since it was a burger a lot of the ingredients played a lesser role and the burger did most of the talking, unfortunately the burger was under seasoned and while it had a good beef taste it didn't really do enough. The egg was great and it was nice to not have the sloppy yolk drip on my hands. There were some fries on there but they didn't matter you couldn't taste them and I will give a shout out to the bun cause that shit was soft and tasty.

I still have my differences with Bailey's Range but after this descent visit they will live to see one more visit from me. But overall don't feel bad that you're not VIP like Tim and myself and you may not be able to get the slinger burger, they have a good menu with other good choices. Don't think this one is gonna make the Top 10.

Tim's Review:
I don't know why Tony is so quick to throw out the high fives. I was originally thinking that waitress was full of shit. Was it that big of a deal to heat up some chili and pour it on top of a burger?  I really didn't feel too special. But I guess that sounds kind of mean. Maybe I should be a little more positive and thankful like my partner and consider the fact that we did order something that wasn't really on the menu. VIP!! I just wish I could be a VIP at better restaurant.

It's not that the Range was bad, but it's not top ten material either. The chili was actually great, but that's about it. I thought the fries were a nice touch, but the truth is, this burger could not stand alone. Isn't this supposed to be a burger place? I've had a couple burgers there before and they were fine, but I'd say that was close to a year ago. The only reason I came back was because they have (had) the slinger burger and because Joe's chili bowl was closed, not because I couldn't wait to eat there again.

I don't want to sound so negative. Overall, this thing was pretty good, but just really uneventful. I doubt have the desire to go back anytime soon.    

Stop #19: Crow's Nest

Tony's Review: FINALLY! The streak of shit is officially over! After suffering for over a month of just bad slingers we get to enjoy a good one. But I digress. Crow's Nest is a great bar in Maplehood on Manchester that used to be the Red Lion that is run by the old owners of the Bleeding Deacon so the food is already better than your average bar food. They recently started a Metal Brunch on Sunday which is the only time you can get this puppy so you have time to go after church.

Now this is the furthest we've had from a traditional slinger so far and it was vegetarian so we struggled a bit about how to rank/review it. I'm in the mind set of if I can eat something that has the spirit of a traditional slinger I will review it as such (I am so deep). Let's get to it: start with a base of breakfast potatoes that were cooked and seasoned perfectly really solid flavor, next was the bottom of a burger bun...honestly I don't know why that was there, it wasn't bad but I'm on a diet and I'm trying to avoid extra carbs. On top of that was a thick as hell, hand made, rice based veggie cheese burger that was one of the best veggie burgers I've had. The chili was also vegetarian and it was excellent, another bummer was the lack of chili just another scoop and this could of been even better. Then there was the egg, normally I could give a shit about the egg but this little thing looked great and sealed the deal in the flavor dept.

Again this is easily one of the better slingers we've had so far and more importantly it broke the depression streak that this tour was becoming.

Tim's Review: Tony pretty much spoke the truth. The Crow's Nest was breathe of air and finally made me feel good again about being on the slinger tour. I've been there a hand full of times before, but probably not as much as I should only because there are other shit holes closer to my house. If I remember correctly, my last visit to the Crow's Nest was a couple months back when Tony and I went in for a drink after our tour stop to Tiffany's diner. I couldn't even enjoy a couple beers due to that fact that the disappointing Tiffany's slinger was making me feel like crap!

This visit was a little more enjoyable. Definitely the farthest thing from the traditional slinger we've had so far. When it came out, I really wasn't impressed. Even looking at the picture now, it's not the prettiest slinger I've seen, but the bottom line is, this thing tasted damn good. Potatoes were great, the egg cooked perfectly, and I really don't care if the chili had meat in it or not, because it was awesome. I don't know what Tony's problem is with the bread. First: quit whining about carbs, because you sound like a peter puffer. Second: I think that was a slice of Texas toast, not a bun. And Third: like everything else on the plate, the toast was great. Since I'm kind of a piggy, my only complaint is that there just wasn't enough of this slinger. More chili and perhaps another egg would be just fine.

It seems like it's been forever since anyone has broken into the top ten, but the Crow's Nest jumps into a very respectable 6^th place. I would definitely eat this again.   

Stop #18: Murdoch Perk (RIP)

Tim's Review: Slinger tour is in a major slump. Everything about this last trip was depressing. We first planned on going to Time Out on Gravois, but turns out the don't even serve slingers. Then we tried Kicker's Corner. We got this referral from a nameless friend that I shall refer to as M. Harnish. This mystery friend failed to mention, they only serve slingers for breakfast!!! It's ok. I do appreciate the suggestion, and we'll be sure to get up early some time to try it. Maybe it will end up being the new number one and M. Harnish will be my new hero.

So we finally end up at the snooze fest called the Murdoch Perk. I really had no expectation for this place. And no expectations means, I assume it will suck. I think I've had a bite to eat there before, really can't remember.  Doesn't matter.  It sucked.  It did have the spiciest chili on tour though. So at first I thought, hey! I like spicey! Then I realized it just tasted terrible. The chili was this insanely meaty mess and I just had this picture in my head of someone in the kitchen dumping a can of manwich on the plate. Apparently that chili was supposed to substitute the normal burger or sausage patty that was completely absent from this plate. There wasn't even toast. Clearly no top ten time for the Murdoch.

To top off the bad day, I seem to have lost my master list of destinations. So if anyone actually wastes time reading this, feel free to leave a comment about any place you know of that tries their best to serve up slinger. Tony and I will gladly choke it down. Thank you. I'm tired. Good night.

Tony Disclaimer: Before I destroy this slinger I do want to see that I have eaten at Murdoch Perk a bunch of times and their food is consistently pretty good and not a bad place at all.

Tony's Review: Alright we gotta do something here. I'm hitting rock bottom with these shitty slingers, it's getting hard to wake up in the morning and I often ask myself, "Why?" And then I remember all of our loyal fans who patiently wait by their blog feeds for a new post.* You are the reason we continue to eat this shit week after week! YOU!

Tim pretty much covered the bases on this one, another plate full of garbage. No meat came on this one just meat in the chili so already you know they don't know what the hell they're doing. This chili was disgusting through and through, terrible taste and so unnecessarily hot. The eggs were fine but who gives a shit and the potatoes were good but there were not nearly enough of them. Just looking at that picture above is pissing me off, it actually looks like a pile of shit. All I want is to eat a mediocre slinger...is that such a hard thing. This one is going in the Hall of Shit.

UPDATE: Just read that Murdoch Perk is closing at the end of the month. Kind of bummed but once you serve slingers like that its really not that surprising. 

*We don't really have any loyal slinger fans.

Stop #17: Southwest Diner

Tony's Review: Was pretty excited to give Southwest Diner a try, a new southwestern inspired breakfast spot seems like it would be a shoe-in for Bold Flavor City, USA right? WRONG! But before we get to crazy let's backtrack here, we had the pleasure of being joined by our buds Andy, Pooky and my girlfriend Lyndsay for extra friendship time. Southwest Diner was packed on a Saturday afternoon but it seemed like they had the right number of staff and some kick ass coffee which helped things out.

Now Southwest Diner doesn't offer a true traditional slinger but that's cool, they have home fries, two cheeseburger patties, two eggs, green or red chile and some green onions. So all four of us ordered a slinger (stupid Lyndsay had a spicy egg scramble, more of that later) with a mixture of green and red chile choices. As soon as we get our slingers the excitement level took a severe blow once we saw our plates, no strong presence of cheese and the lack of chili was a bit shocking even to a mature eater like myself. Instead I saw egg mountain with a moat of watery green chile and little bits of unappealing home fries. Right away you noticed the lack of seasoning across the board, the potatoes weren't crispy and had no flavor, the burger which had a lot of potential was wasted by the lack of seasoning and the green chile which may have been good to compliment a breakfast burrito didn't even begin to do the slinger justice.

I was seriously bummed about the slinger and was ready to write this plate off but then I tried my girlfriend's spicy egg scramble and was blown away by how good it was! And her potatoes were from a different batch and were cooked and seasoned perfectly. Just when I was down in the dumps after eating a shitty slinger I am lifted from the ashes by a spicy phoenix. I will return to Southwest Diner but I will not be ordering the slinger anytime soon.

Tim's Review: Unfortunately, the slinger tour seems to be a on a bit of a losing streak. From what I hear, this place has only been open for a few weeks, but come on!!! This slinger just isn't ready. I always get excited about new places to eat and I really wanted to like this place. When I get excited, I just set myself up for a bigger let down.

The red and green chili sounded like a great idea, but since I'm no fun and fear change, I asked for the red. I suspect it really didn't matter what chili I ordered though, because the red sucked and I was not jealous of anyone at the table with green. The main problem, as Tony said, is that this thing had no flavor. ZERO. I wound't even say the flavor was bad, but completely non-existent. And a dozen shakes of salt, pepper, and hot sauce couldn't save it. The other problem with mine is that nothing was cooked right. My burger was burnt and crispy. The hash browns were replaced by breakfast potatoes, also burnt. And my eggs were not cooked enough. Runny yolk = mmmmmm.  But when the white part is runny, that's kinda gross (I only learned a few weeks ago from a motivational speaker at work that the white part is called albumin. I was not motivated by this guy, at all).

I finally have a picture of something that isn't covered in chili. I always mean to get a photo of the outside of the building and I always forget. I did manage to snap this picture of a picture in the bathroom. Is that John Wayne showing off his sidepipe? I admire his confidence.

So as you can tell, I was totally disappointed, but I'm actually looking forward to going back and trying anything else.  Anything that isn't a slinger. I saw some breakfast burritos and pancakes at the surrounding tables that looked great. Plus they have malts and shakes!! I'll try not to get too excited about it though.